Total Drama Bonanza
by StoryCrafter12
Summary: Season Four AU combining Revenge of the Island and Pahkitew Island. For Total Drama's fourth season, Chris brings twenty-six new teenagers back to where it all began: Camp Wawanakwa! Day Two: It's time for a game of Truth or Dare the likes of which the remaining twenty-five campers have never played, nor will they ever want to again.
1. Day 1 Part 1: Let the Games Begin

**Total Drama Bonanza**

 **A Total Drama** **Fanfiction by StoryCrafter12**

 **Disclaimer:** Total Drama and all of its characters and settings are property of Teletoon and Fresh TV. Please support the official release.

 **Warning:** The following fanfiction contains dangerous stunts and challenges performed by fictional teenagers. Any attempts to replicate these stunts or challenges may result in one or more of the following: broken bones, lacerations, concussions, contusions, hair loss, teeth loss, brain loss, sanity loss, first-degree burns, second-degree burns, third-degree burns, fourth-degree burns, nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea, coma, death, and halitosis. You have been warned.

 **Author's Note:** In case the summary didn't make things clear, this is an AU fourth season of Total Drama, combining the actual fourth season, Revenge of the Island, with the fifth-and-a-half season, Pahkitew Island. Overall, I enjoyed both seasons, but my biggest issue was the fact that they were both so short! They had so few characters and episodes that they had to rush a lot of very interesting plot lines. I had the thought that they could've had a much longer and better season if they had added a few of Pahkitew Island's characters to RotI, which got my gears turning, and _voila!_ Total Drama Bonanza was born! I hope you have as much fun reading as I did writing.

Okay, enough of my rambling. On with the show!

* * *

 **Day One, Part One: Let the Games Begin**

Television personality, zombie/badminton-themed movie star and all-around sadist Chris McLean stood proudly on a certain dock, flashing his pearly whites for the cameras. Behind him stood a now (in)famous campground which looked even more run-down and decrepit than it had been years earlier.

"He- _llo_ , viewing world!" Chris said, throwing his hands up as if to celebrate another season of causing grievous bodily harm to a bunch of teenagers. "Chris McLean here, coming to you from the one and only Dock of Shame, ready to bring you another installment of the world's most twisted reality show, Total Drama!

"Here's the deal: after three seasons of mostly the same contestants, the producers and I decided that it was time to shake things up a bit. Which is why, out of the _kindness_ of our hearts, we've given our original twenty-two contestants and two newcomers a much-needed break from the torture and mayhem. In their place, we're bringing twenty-six brand-spankin' new teenagers back to where it all began, to beautiful Camp Wawanakwa!

"Just like season one, the campers must endure the harshness of nature, Chef Hatchet's revolting camp grub, and the craziest stunts and challenges to date! Winners get prizes, losers get to send someone packing. But in the end, there can be only one winner of the million dollar grand prize! Get ready for another season of blood, sweat and tears here on Total! Drama! Bonanza!"

A small boat pulled up the dock, dropping off a pencil-thin boy wearing an orange vest over a white shirt and a ratty beige toque over a mop of shaggy brown hair.

"And here's our first new camper now!" Chris said as the boy approached, his eyes wide and alert. "Welcome to Total Drama Bonanza, Shawn. What do you think of your home for the next month?"

"Hmm…" Shawn rubbed his chin as he slowly scanned the campground. "Not bad, not bad at all. Nice and isolated, steep cliffs around most of the island, flat space for crops, plenty of natural resources… The beach _might_ be a hazard for the ones that walk along the bottom of the river, but you can solve that with a decent fence." Shawn smiled and nodded. "Overall, an excellent place to survive a zombie apocalypse! Good choice, Chris."

Chris blinked. "Uh… thanks?"

"No problem," Shawn said, stepping out of the way with his suitcase as a new boat pulled up. "I'll start drawing up plans for a perimeter defense system, and we'll have this place zombie-proof in no time!"

"Riiight, you do that," Chris muttered, his smile coming back as a serious-looking woman in a grey sweater and sweatpants leapt onto the dock, arms crossed. "Up next, we have Jo! Looking forward to being here, Jo?"

"Looking forward to winning," Jo clarified, cracking her knuckles. She glanced over at Shawn, who had produced a pen and paper from his bag and was scribbling on it while muttering to himself, and smirked. "And if all of my opponents are stick figures like that guy, I shouldn't have any problems."

"Well then, this next camper might come as a disappointment to you," Chris said as the third boat arrived. "Introducing Brick!"

"Ten-hut!" Said the well-muscled boy with a crew cut as he stepped onto the dock. Jo moved out of the way, giving the new arrival a confused glance as he stood up strait and saluted Chris. "Private Brick reporting for duty, sir!"

"At ease, cadet," Chris said with a chuckle, returning the salute. "And you can say the military stuff for our chef/former drill sergeant."

"Just showing proper respect for my superiors, sir," Brick said as he went to stand with Jo and Shawn, the former bored and the latter interested.

"Armed Forces, huh?" Shawn asked, looking Brick up and down.

Brick chuckled, straightening out his olive green shirt. "Well technically I'm still just a cadet, but I just have a little more-"

"Tell me, did the Army get any of my letters? Are they finally implementing _The Zombie Survival Guide_ as a part of their basic training doctrine?"

Brick's mood took a hard left turn from happy/excited to completely confused. "What with the zombie what now?"

"Eh, just ignore him," Chris said with a dismissive wave of a hand as the next boat pulled up. "I can already tell we'll be doing a lot of that these next few weeks."

Up next was a dark-haired girl wearing a frilly pink dress that looked like it was plucked straight from the pages of a storybook fairy tale. She gracefully jumped onto the dock as her boat cruised by and skipped up to the amused host.

" _Hello there, Chris McLean,"_ the girl sang with a voice like silver bells. " _I am so excited to be in this game! I hope to have fun, and make lots of friends/and maybe I'll go home with money in the eeeeend!_ "

The newcomer bowed at the end of her short performance. Chris, Brick and Shawn gave her golf claps while Jo rolled her eyes.

"Nice entrance, Ella," Chris said with a cocked eyebrow. "But you do know that we're not doing the whole 'musical' thing this season, right?"

"Oh, I know," Ella replied with a nod. "But singing is my lifelong passion, and when I feel a song in my heart, I just can't help but let it all out! Oh, I hope it won't be a bother."

"Not at the moment," Chris said with a shrug, "but I wonder how long it'll take before we're all sick of it. I give it three days."

"I give it eleven minutes," Jo deadpanned as Ella joined her fellow campers.

The next boat delivered a tan young man with immaculately combed brown hair, dressed in a blue shirt and khaki pants. The exact shame shade of blue and khaki that Chris was wearing, to be precise. The new arrival took one look at the host and his eyes lit up like a child on Christmas Morning.

"Chris McLean!" The young man said, running up to Chris the second his feet touched the dock and shaking his hand. "Oh man, I can't believe I'm finally meeting you! Dude, I'm such a huge fan and I've seen all of your movies and I own every magazine you've ever appeared in and _oh my God I can't believe I'm really shaking your hand!_ " He quickly dove into his duffle bag and produced a small blue jar and a marker, which he shoved in Chris's face. "Will you sign my hair gel?!"

Chris was momentarily taken aback, but read the label and smiled. "Hey, this is the same brand I use!" He took the marker and gave the jar his John Hancock. "Always have time for young man with such good taste in television hosts and hair care products. Welcome to Total Drama Bonanza, Topher! Hope you'll go far."

Topher stared at his hair gel like he was holding the Holy Grail, while the first four contestants stared at Topher like he had grown a second head that stared speaking backwards German Pig-Latin with a severe stutter.

"Wait…" Jo said slowly, "this Topher guy… actually _likes_ Chris?"

"He _did_ see the first three seasons of this show, didn't he?" Shawn wondered out loud.

"Is he drooling?" Ella asked, noticing the saliva staring to pool around Topher's bottom lip as he walked over to them, eyes still glued to the jar in his hands.

"I think I'm going to like that kid," Chris remarked as the sixth teen stepped onto the Dock of Shame. She was a tall blond girl in a bright pink shirt and dark pink pants. She looked around at all of the cameras and struck a sensual pose instantly.

"Hello there, TV world!" She said with a smile, striking a different pose each time another camera turned to focus on her. "Dakota has arrived, and is ready to take the first step towards fame, glory and becoming a household name!"

"Glad to see some enthusiasm," Chris said with a nod, the cameras turning back towards him as he spoke. "Now, if you'll kindly join the-"

"Hey!" Dakota snapped, grabbing the camera nearest to her and forcibly turning it back in her direction, startling the poor camera man. "Did I say you could look away?! I still have an introductory speech to give here!"

"Ye-eeeeah, no," Chris said bluntly and turned the camera towards him again, further jostling the operator. "We still have twenty more contestants to introduce and we're burning daylight. Just get over there with the others."

Dakota scoffed as she picked up her bags. "Fine. I suppose there will be plenty of time for me to show off my marvelous talents."

"And what would those be, exactly?" Jo asked with a smirk as Dakota joined them. "Applying eye-liner? Deciding what lip-gloss matches your nail polish?"

"Ugh, as if a frumpy meathead like you would know anything about style," Dakota replied, looking away with her nose upturned. Jo growled and cocked her fist, only to feel two sets of hands grab her arm.

"Whoa there soldier," Brick was saying, "let's not have a brawl on the first day now."

"Oh yes, please be nice!" Ella added, frowning. "I just hate violence of any sort!"

"Seriously?" Chris asked with an arched brow, not noticing the approach of the next boat. "Just what show do you think you signed up for, anyways?"

"Uh, that would be Total Drama Bonanza, correct?" A rather nasally voice asked. "Fourth season of the popular Total Drama franchise, with twenty-six teenagers competing for a big cash prize?"

Chris turned to see a very short, very thin black boy standing beside him, dressed in a red sweater and yellow shorts. The boy gave a nervous smile from behind his large glasses, and Chris smiled back.

"Right you are, Cameron," Chris confirmed. He then saw the boy's very large, bulging suitcase and crossed his arms. "Um, you did read the part of your contract that recommended you pack light, didn't you?"

Cameron sighed, patting his suitcase. "Yeah, but one of my mom's conditions in exchange for allowing me on this show was that I don't leave home without my medication. And my first aid kit. And my humidifier. And my emergency hazmat suit…"

"Lots of health problems, huh?" Shawn asked, t'sking and shaking his head as Cameron was added to their group. "Not good odds for surviving a zombie outbreak with those."

The nervousness left Cameron's smile at the sound of this. "Oh, I wouldn't be so sure of that. My physical condition might not be the greatest, but I have read _The Zombie Survival Guide_ cover to cover."

Shawn's eyes lit up. "For real? Bro, I'm designing an anti-zombie defense grid for this island as we speak! Wanna help me figure out where the sentry posts should go?"

"Would I?!"

"Great, the undead nuts are multiplying," Chris muttered as the next boat pulled up. This contestant was a broad-shouldered redheaded boy wearing overalls, a white t-shirt, and a big smile. "Welcome to the island, Rodney! How is it being off the ol' farm?"

"Eh, it's not so bad," the large teen said with a shrug, returning the friendly waves offered by Brick, Ella and Cameron. "This place kinda reminds me of home, and these folks seem friendly enough."

"I just hope you last longer than our last country boy."

"Oh, you mean that Zeke guy?" Rodney frowned and scratched his head. "Whatever happened to him, anyways?"

"Yes, was he okay after being launched out of a volcano during the last season finale?" Ella asked, looking concerned.

"Don't really know," Chris shrugged as Rodney walked over to the others. "He was unconscious when the rescue boats came for us, but vanished from the hospital later that same day and no one's seen him since. Eh, whatever happened, I'm sure he won't bother us again…" Chris trailed off as a particularly strong gust of wind made him shiver. "Man, did anyone else get the chills just now?"

Up next was a girl in a tiny maroon top and blue jeans with a lot of make-up and a very, _very_ obviously fake. She didn't even notice that her boat had stopped, as she was busy looking at herself in a mirror while applying a metric ton of hairspray to her large black pouffe.

"Uh, Anne Maria?" Chris asked, coughing as some of the chemical mist wafted up towards him.

"Hmm?" Anne Maria's eyes widened, then she looked up and smiled. "Oh, sorry about that, Chris," she said in a very thick Joisy accent as she stepped onto the dock with her rolling suitcase in tow. "Had to make sure I looked my best for the cameras, y'know?"

"There, you see?" Dakota said to Jo, gesturing at Anne Maria. "Someone here knows the value of looking good at all times!"

"Got that right, dollface," Anne Maria said. She then noticed Rodney staring at her, a blush on his cheeks and a dopey smile on his face. "Oh hey there country boy. How's tricks?"

"Uh… hu-hu-hi," Rodney said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck as he looked away. "Its, uh, n-nice to meet you, Anne. M-my name's-"

"Uh-uh-uh, lemme stop you right there big guy," Anne Maria interrupted him with a finger to his lips, looking serious. "The name is Anne _Maria_ , 'kay? It's like 'A Tribe Called Quest,' or 'A Pimp Named Slickback;' you gotta say the whole thing or it just doesn't work. _Capice?_ "

"Ca-ca-ca-caaa… Uh, yeah," Rodney smiled and nodded, still blushing furiously.

The next boat deposited an average looking boy with lightly-tanned skin and spiky brown hair, dressed in light blue. "Hey there everyone!" he said as he approach Chris and shook his hand. "My name's Mike, and I'm here to have a good time and make some friends."

"That's nice goal you've got there, kid," Chris commented, "but what about that big fat cash prize?"

"Oh, I'm hoping to go home with that too. But making pals along the way would be a nice bonus."

"Uh, is it really smart for us to be all buddy-buddy like this?" Jo interjected with a frown, glancing around at the chattering duos of Dakota and Anne Maria, Cameron and Shawn, Ella and Rodney and Brick and Topher. "I mean, hello! We're here to _compete_ against each other!"

"Yeah, but until the merge, we'll be divided into teams," Mike pointed out as he joined the cluster of teenagers. "Makes sense to be friendly with the guys who could potentially be your teammates."

Jo just rolled her eyes. "Whatever, string-bean. I'm here to win, not make friends."

"Here comes our next camper!" Chris said as the next boat approached, carrying a black-haired girl with soft Native-American features wearing tan and black. When the boat was a fair distance from the dock, the girl narrowed her eyes and took a running start along the deck, leapt onto the railing and launched herself from it, doing a somersault before landing cleanly on the dock, suitcase in hand.

The conversations stopped as the others cheered and clapped. Even Jo looked impressed.

"I may have spoken too soon," she muttered, rubbing her chin. "I like this girl's style."

"Thank you, everyone," the girl said, bowing slightly to her fellow contestants before smiling at the host. "And thank you for accepting my audition, Mr. McLean."

"Thank you for being here, Sky. Nice job on that flip, too; way to stick the landing," Chris said, glancing between her and Ella as he rubbed his chin. "Some of these arrivals make me think I should've made flashy entrances a part of the first challenge. Gotta remember that one for next season."

"Another brilliant idea from the greatest host to ever grace reality TV," Topher said as Sky came over to them. "I swear, there is no end to your genius!"

Chris beamed as the next camper was dropped off. "Oh yeah, definitely liking him. Anyways, welcome to Total Drama Bo… nanza…"

Chris trailed off as he found himself face-to-face with a thin black boy dressed in a long green robe, a ratty-looking green hat, and a fake grey beard dangling down from his chin. The boy had his eyes closed in concentration, chanting as he waved one hand around wildly while the other clutched a thick blue book.

" _Espalus speirus…_ " the boy mumbled, sweat pouring down his brow as the others stared in stunned silence. " _Espalus sporonus… Espalus saylus Espalus!_ "

He gasped deeply, then opened his eyes and smiled at Chris. "Ah, Chris McLean! Forgive my delay, I was just casting an all-stats-buff spell on myself, in preparation for the upcoming competition."

"Oh… _kay_ …" Chris said slowly, taking a step back from the boy. "Good for you, Leonard. Feeling pretty confident then, I take it?"

Leonard gave a confident smirk as he approached the others, who still looked completely confused/disturbed. Confusturbed, if you will. "Oh yeah. Right now I have the strength of thirty men, the speed of a pack of cheetahs, and the toughness of a hunk of solid granite. Allow me to demonstrate." He pointed at Brick. "You there! Knight-in-Training!"

Brick blinked, startled, and looked around wildly before pointing a thumb at his chest. "Uh, you mean me?"

"Yes, you! Come here and punch me in the face! As hard as you can!"

"Punch you in the…" Brick trailed off and looked to his fellow campers, who could only offer bewildered shrugs. "Um, okay then…"

The cadet approached the LARPer, who nodded and pointed at his own grinning mug. Brick gave the camera a defeated shrug and sent his fist into Leonard's face.

 _Thwack!_

Brick stood there like that for a moment, his fist covering Leonard's face completely, one hand still raised to point at himself. When Brick withdrew his fist, blood was leaking from the taller boy's nose as his eyes spun in opposite directions.

"Must not have… cast the spell riiiii…" Leonard murmured, his eyes rolling back as he fell backwards onto the dock. Brick prodded the unconscious boy with the toe of his boot, and the nerd twitched in response.

The rest of the campers and their host just stared.

Overhead, an eagle cried out.

"Well, that happened," Chris said, smiling returning as he eased back into Grinning Host Mode while Brick dragged Leonard over to the group. "On with the show!"

The next camper was a tall girl in a bright red shirt and tan pants, wearing her short red hair in small pig tails, one of which she was nervously adjusting.

"Everyone, this is Zoey," Chris said. "So Zoey, how are you feeling now that you're an official member of the Total Drama family?"

"Really excited, and a little nervous," Zoey said. She looked past the host at the campers who arrived before her, almost all of whom were chatting with one another, and smiled. "But all of the people here seem really nice, so I'm sure I'll have a good time."

"Ah, an optimist." Chris nodded. "Always nice to have contestants with positive attitudes who always see the best in their fellow man."

"Oh, thank you-"

"It's always fun to watch their spirits die when they witness the petty cruelty and betrayal that people are capable of! Hahaha!"

Chris continued laughing as a now worried-looking Zoey joined the others. "And with that, we've reached the halfway point in our introductions. Thirteen campers down, thirteen to go."

The next camper dropped off was a large black boy in a grey jacket and a red ball cap on his head.

"Welcome to Total Drama Bonanza, B," Chris greeted. "Feeling excited to be here?"

B nodded, giving a thumbs up.

"Looking forward to the competition?"

Another nod.

"Hoping to walk away with a million big ones?"

Another nod.

"…"

"…"

"Not much for talking, are you?"

B opened his mouth, then closed it and shook his head.

"… Alright then. Go join the others, if you would."

"B, huh?" Rodney asked as the new contestant came to stand with them. "So, what's the B stand for? Bob?" B shook his head. "Barry?" Another shake of the head. "Brian? Boris? Billy? Bernie? Ben?"

As Rodney continued to guess every 'b' name he could think of, all of which B denied, the next boat arrived, delivering a nervous-looking black-haired boy in a blue sweater vest.

"Our next camper is Dave," Chris said as Dave eyed the campground. "So, what do you think of Camp Wawanakwa?"

"Well, it looks a little…" Dave muttered, staring at the dilapidated buildings with unease written on his face. "Unsafe. When you decided to come back here for season four, did you do _any_ maintenance on this place? At all?"

"Of course," Chris said, and started counting off on his fingers. "We superglued the cracks in the windows, patched up the holes in the roof with plywood, put duct tape on the rotting support beams, and I'm seventy-five-percent sure we got all of that toxic mold out of the communal showers."

"Oh… g-great," Dave said, forcing a smile as he picked up his bags to join the others. "I mean, as long as he's _almost_ sure it's all gone…ehehe…"

"Okay, up next we have Sam, who… uh…"

Chris trailed off as the next boat pulled up, a heavy-set boy with glasses and a mess of curly brown hair standing on the deck. Sam held a Nintendo 3DS, his brow furrowed in concentration as his thumbs shot up and down almost too fast to see, gunshots and screams floating up from the system's small speakers.

"Sam? Dude?" Chris said, snapping his fingers. "Earth to gamer boy, hello! Time to compete for a million dollars!"

The sounds of Sam's game reached the other contestants, and Shawn and Cameron perked up.

"Whoa, is that Resident Evil Revelations 2?" Shawn asked. This finally got Sam's attention, and he smiled as he stepped off the boat.

"Yeah, I'm almost on the final boss," Sam explained as he made his way to the other boys, ignoring the stammering Chris entirely. "I've actually been on a Resident Evil kick lately, and just spent the last two weeks beating all of the console games."

"Dude, I _love_ Resident Evil!" Shawn said, exchanging a fist bump with Sam.

"Me too!" Cameron interjected. "I mean, I haven't actually _played_ them, because my mom won't let me near anything M-rated, but I've watched Let's Plays on YouTube! I think Resident Evil 4 is the best of the bunch."

"Eh, 4 was good, but for traditional zombie slaughtering action, you just can't beat the original trilogy."

"Don't forget the Outbreak games on PS2!" Sam said. "Those were one of the first games to capture the true terror of being in the middle of a zombie apocalypse."

"Ugh!" Chris groaned, throwing his arms up in indignation the boat carrying the seventeenth contestant. "Can we _please_ get someone normal for a change?"

"There is no such thing as 'normal' Chris," the girl with long blond hair and a green sweater said. She sat on the deck of her boat with her legs folded, eyes closed and hands held up at her sides. "Every one of us has quirks that others might consider 'weird,' and it is these differences that make us all unique and our own special way."

"Me and my big mouth," Chris muttered under his breath, then smiled again as the girl got up and joined him on the dock. "Well said, Dawn. Get that off of a fortune cookie?"

"Just one of my personal mantras," Dawn said, baby-blue eyes scanning the other campers. "I must say, you've assembled quite the colorful cast this season. I'm detecting happiness, anticipation, unease, fear, doubt… if you really want drama, it looks like you'll get more than you could hope for."

"Perfect!" Chris clapped his hands together. "I can already smell those delicious ratings!"

Dawn moved to join the group, and her eyes widened at the sight of Leonard. "Oh my, what happened here?"

"We're still kind of trying to figure that out ourselves, to be honest," Dakota remarked, watching as Leonard groaned and slowly sat up.

"Uhh, what happened?" Leonard asked, wiping the dried blood from beneath his nose. "I feel like I took a critical hit from Altharga's War Hammer of Agony."

"Oh, crikey! Up next we've got the lovely Jasmine!" Chris said, adopting a terrible Australian accent to introduce the next camper, a very tall black girl dressed who looked dressed for an outback safari. "Quite the stunning specimen, blokes and shelias. Observe the long legs, no doubt made powerful by her hours of kickboxing with the local kangaroos, and the strong arms that are perfect for throwing lots of shrimp on the Barbie!"

"Ha ha ha, you're hilarious," Jasmine said with an amused smirk. "You done?"

"Yeah, that was all the Australia-isms I had."

"Good, cause your accent _really_ needs work." Jasmine grabbed her suitcases and went to stand with the others. "I'm not even joking. Steve Irwin was probably rolling in his grave."

"Wow, Australia, huh?" Mike asked. "Isn't that the place where all of the animals are trying to kill you?"

"Not _all_ of them," Jasmine protested. "There's… uh… we've got… well…"

While Jasmine rubbed her chin in thought, the next boat pulled up. A scowling redheaded boy in a white wife-beater and dirty blue jeans stepped onto the dock. Topher took note of the new arrival and elbowed Rodney.

"Relative of yours, big guy?" he asked, and the new guy scoffed.

"Me, related to that gorilla?" he asked. "As if."

"Allow me to clarify," Chris said. "This is Scott, everyone. And though he might look it, he's not related to our man Rodney. We've already got one set of relatives competing this season."

"One set?" Ella asked, looking around at the others.

"Oh, they haven't arrived yet," Chris clarified as Scott walked over to the rest. He looked over at the upcoming boat, which was carrying two identical blond girls in red cheerleading outfits, and smiled. "Scratch that, here they come now!"

The boat came to a stop. One of the twins moved to get off, but the other, who had a beauty mark just above the right side of her mouth, grabbed her arm and roughly pulled her back.

"Um, _excuse_ me!" She snarled, stepping up onto the dock. "I get off first, thank you very much!"

"Oh, sorry," the first twin said, glancing down and rubbing her arm as she stepped off the boat.

"Amy, Samey," Chris said to the girls. "Welcome to the lovely Camp Wawanakwa!"

"Um, Chris?" The first twin said, raising a hand. "My name's actually Sammy."

"Yeah, but everyone calls you Samey," Amy said with a cruel smirk. "You know, cause you're the same as me?"

"Yeah, but-"

"Actually, I think your sister has a point," Chris said, jerking his thumb towards the chattering trio of Sam, Shawn and Cameron. "We've already got a guy named Sam, and we don't want to get confused…" Chris beamed and put a hand on Samey's shoulder. "So congratulations! For the rest of the game, you're Samey!"

"Well can't you just call me Samantha or something?"

"Nope! Samey it is!"

"But I…" Amy pushed her way past Samey to join the others, and she sighed and followed her sister. "Okay then."

"What's up, Camp Wawanakwa?!" The next camper shouted as his boat pulled up. He was a broad shouldered black boy wearing Winnipeg Blue Bombers jersey. "Lightning is in the house, and ready to dominate this game!"

"Well, someone's feeling confident," Chris said, giving Lightning a fist bump. "Are you in it to win it?"

"You even gotta ask? Lightning's got this contest in the bag!" He looked over at Amy and Samey and grinned. "And you got me cheerleaders? Chris, you shouldn't have!"

"Uh, no," Jo pointed out, arms crossed. "They're your competition, genius!"

"Oh." Lightning's smile fell, but quickly came back. "That's cool, when I make to the finale, _then_ they can cheer for me!"

"Well that's going to be kind of hard," Amy said, her hands on her hips, "since I'll be going to the finale too." She elbowed her sister in the back. "You can have Samey cheer for you though, if you don't mind a second-stringer."

"One of you might make it to the final two," Jo said, looking smug. "But neither of you stand a chance against me!"

"Don't make me laugh," Anne Maria said with a smirk. "The only one who's winning that cash is _moi!_ "

"Wrong!" a new voice screamed, making everyone jump. Twenty-three heads turned to see a short boy with purple hair and a grey jumpsuit glaring at them as his boat sped away. "All of you worthless peons will be crushed beneath the evil heel of Max! And after I conquer your pathetic reality show, the world will follow!" The boy threw back his head and cackled. "Mwahahahahaha – _ack!_ "

The boy stopped, coughing and pounding his chest with a fist. "Gah! Chocking on my own spit!"

"Looks like we've got a lot of competitive spirit," Chris said, rubbing his hands together as Lightning and a still-hacking Max joined the others. "Oh man, this season is going to be juicy!"

The next boat came, delivering a tall girl wearing a yellow sweater, glasses, and her red-hair in a bun.

"Welcome to the show, Scarlet," Chris said, shaking the new arrival's hand.

"Salutations, Chris," Scarlet said, taking a moment to adjust her glasses. "I look forward to an engaging four weeks of healthy and friendly competition."

"Competition, yes," Chris said, looking back at the ever-growing group of teenagers. Jo, Anne Maria, Lightning, Amy and Max were all still glaring at one another. "Friendly? That might be stretching things a bit."

"It is of no consequence," Scarlet said with a shrug. "Let their hyper-competitive nature be their downfall while those of us willing to compromise and use teamwork prosper."

The next to arrive was a large black man with long dreadlocks and a thick beard. As his boat pulled away, he made the sound of a sputtering engine.

"Beardo," Chris greeted. "Mr. Human Soundboard himself. Think your talents will get you far in this game?"

Beardo smirked and nodded, making the well-known _cha-ching_ sound.

"Good man," Chris nodded as Beardo joined the others just as the twenty-sixth and final boat pulled up. "And last but certainly not least, give it up for the incomparable Sugar!"

"Hello, everybody!" a southern-accented voice said as a heavy-set girl in a too-small pink shirt hopped onto the dock, making it shake. Sugar gave her blond hair a toss as she strutted along the dock, the boards creaking beneath her feet. "Take a good look at the winner of Total Drama's fourth season! Better just give me the money now and save us all the trouble."

"Sorry Sugar, but we wouldn't have much of a show if we did that." Chris produced a camera from his pocket and hopped onto the last boat, while interns scattered to move everyone's luggage to shore. "Okay, before we get everyone divided into teams and settled in, we've gotta get a group show for the promos! Gather round if you please, everyone."

The twenty-six teenagers gathered in the center of the dock, the worm-eaten wood groaning as they did. Scarlet tapped a board with her foot, and frowned as a piece broke off. "Um, Chris?" She said. "I have some concerns about the structural integrity of this dock."

Chris rolled his eyes. "You too? I'll tell you what I told Dave: its fine! I guarantee that there will be no accidents with the Dock of Shame. Now, everyone smile and say 'Wawanakwa!'"

" _Wawanakw – AUGH!_ "

The teenagers all screamed as the beams supporting the dock snapped, dumping all of them into the lake. Chris cackled as the resulting wave rocked his boat.

"Oh man, that _never_ gets old!" He said, watching the campers flounder and thrash in the water.

"What the hell, Chris?!" Jo demanded, spitting out a mouthful of lake water. "You said there wouldn't be any accidents!"

"And I meant it! We purposely designed the dock to collapse like that."

"Haha, good one Chris!" Topher called, crying out as a struggling Dakota splashed him. "Hey, watch the hair!"

"Help!" Cameron cried out, desperately trying to stay above water. "I can't swim!"

"I'll save you, little girl," Lightning said heroically as he hefted Cameron onto his shoulders, ignoring the protesting reply of; "I'm a _boy!_ "

"Keep it out of the water, keep it out of the water!" Sam said, holding his 3DS overhead while awkwardly swimming to shore with one arm, while Beardo trailed behind him making the drowning music from _Sonic the Hedgehog_.

"Ah, this brings back memories," Chris said with a wistful smile. "Okay everyone! After you get dried off, meet me at the campfire pit so we can divide you into teams and get this party started!"

 **End of Day One, Part One**

* * *

And with that, Chapter One comes to a close. Drop a review and let me know what you think! Constructive criticism is always appreciated and encouraged.

See you next time!

StoryCrafter12


	2. Day 1 Part 2: Settling In

**Total Drama Bonanza**

 **A Total Drama** **Fanfiction by StoryCrafter12**

 **Disclaimer:** This is a non-profit fanfiction. Total Drama and all of its characters are property of Teletoon and Fresh TV. Please support the official release.

 **Warning:** The following fanfiction contains dangerous stunts and challenges performed by fictional teenagers. Any attempts to replicate these stunts or challenges may result in one or more of the following: broken bones, lacerations, concussions, contusions, hair loss, teeth loss, brain loss, sanity loss, first-degree burns, second-degree burns, third-degree burns, fourth-degree burns, nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea, coma, death, and halitosis. You have been warned.

 **Author's Note:** Holy crap, two whole reviews?! I-I'm so honored! Oh, I didn't come prepared to make a speech, this is so unexpected!

Eh, I'm just joking. I know that as a new author it will take a while for me to get noticed, and I sincerely thank Mystic LionRoar and my mystery Guest for taking the time to leave a review.

One thing I need to address though that both of them pointed out: the lack of Staci in this fic. I actually meant to put this in the first chapter, but it kind of slipped my mind. The thing about Staci is, I could not make her work. At all.

What I mean is, my whole purpose for writing this story is to give some development to characters from RotI and PI that I feel got shafted, like B, Dawn, Leonard, Beardo, Samey… with each of them and several others I was able to come up with some kind of personal plotline and character growth, but with Staci, I just… couldn't. I went through maybe four different drafts of the first day and a dozen or so outlines of the story as a whole, and no matter how I approached it, Staci came off as exactly like in the show: an lying motor mouth who served no greater purpose than to be annoying and elimination fodder. So in the end, I made the decision to exclude her all together. That probably says something about my writing skills that I simply could not make one character in particular work, but that's just how it is.

And there you go. That's why Staci won't be in Total Drama Bonanza. I'm sorry if my bluntness makes me lose the few readers I have, but I'd rather be honest about why I didn't add a certain element to my story rather than try to shoehorn it in and have the work as a whole suffer.

Okay, I'll shut up now. Enjoy.

* * *

 **Day One, Part Two: Settling In**

After drying off, the twenty-six contestants found themselves sitting on the stumps at the fire pit, where so many campers had been voted off before. Chris stood up at his podium with a clipboard in hand, clearing his throat.

"Okay," he began. "I'm assuming that you've all seen at least one episode of this show before, but since I like hearing the sound of my own voice, I'm going to explain the rules anyways! Soon, I'll be dividing you each into two teams of thirteen. Everyday there will be a challenge to complete. The winning team gets a prize to make their stay at Camp Wawanakwa a little more bearable. The losing team must vote for one of their own to walk down the Dock of Shame, take the Boat of Losers out of here, and _never_ come back. _Ever._ "

"Um, question," Ella said, raising her hand politely. "Didn't Eva and Izzy come back during the first season?"

"And Courtney came back during Total Drama Action," Scott pointed out.

"And you brought back Duncan in the middle of the last season," Sky added.

Chris scowled. "Duncan was brought back because he tried to cheat his way out of his contract, Courtney had some _very_ persistent lawyers, and we only brought back Izzy and Eva to pad out season one." His smile returned. "But since we've got twenty-six of you this time around, we won't have any need for padding or filler. So once someone is voted off, you'll _stay_ voted off. For good!

"Now then, when I call your name, come stand to my right if you would: Anne Maria, Beardo, Cameron, Dakota, Dave, Jo, Max, Mike, Rodney, Scarlet, Scott, Sky and Sugar!" He waited until they were all in position. "From now on, you thirteen will be known as the Extreme Eagles!"

Beardo grinned and imitated the cry of an eagle, making everyone around him jump.

"That's the spirit, Beardo! And now the rest of you, to my left: Amy, B, Brick, Dawn, Ella, Jasmine, Leonard, Lightning, Sam, Samey, Shawn, Topher and Zoey! Your team will be called the Wild Wolves!"

"Yes!" Topher exclaimed, giving Chris a thumbs-up. "Excellent choice in team names, Chris my man!"

"Thank you Topher! The people around you will be your allies for the next two weeks, so try to get along and work together. But careful not to get _too_ friendly, because after the teams merge it's every man for himself!

"Now then, lunch will be served in fifteen minutes, followed by your first challenge. You have until then to unpack and get yourselves settled. Eagles get the east cabin, wolves get the west, and the boys will take the right side while girls get the left."

* * *

 **Confessional Cam: Our first appearance in this fanfic! What what!**

 **Chris McLean:** "And of course, if you have anything you need to get off your chest, we have our handy Confessional Cam!"

 **Rodney:** "Wow, our very own outhouse! (sniffs deeply and smiles) Ah, just like back home."

 **Jo:** "Yeah, aside from a few who _might_ be decent competition, I'm not impressed with the others. Winning this contest will be easier than thirty one-armed pull-ups with only ten-pound ankle weights."

 **Samey:** "Things are off to a good start, I guess. It's just… (sighs) I was _really_ hoping Amy wouldn't be here too. The whole reason I joined this show was to get away from her for a while."

 **B:** (laces his fingers behind his head and leans back with a smile)

* * *

Scott threw open the door to the boy's side of the Extreme Eagles cabin, and a dozen cockroaches scurried away from the sudden light. Three bunk beds with thin blankets and hard-looking pillows leaned against walls with cracked wood and peeling paint. Cobwebs hung in each corner, and the windows were so caked with dust they were nearly opaque.

"Okay…" Scott said as he stepped into the cabin, the rest of the Eagle boys filing in behind him. "This officially sucks."

"Oh come on, guys, it's not so bad," Rodney said. He gave a support beam a gentle tap, then flinched as it cracked beneath his fingers. "It just needs… a little elbow grease."

"How much elbow grease are we talking?" Mike asked. He ran a finger along a window sill and it came back coated with grey. "A dump truck's worth?"

"More like an oil tanker's worth," Dave said, wincing as he looked at his new surroundings. A small brown mouse in the corner of the cabin gave a friendly squeak and waved a tiny paw. In response, Dave gave a high-pitched scream of terror and leapt into Rodney's arms. "Forget the elbow grease! Nuke the sight from orbit! It's the only way to be sure!"

"I'm actually working on something like that," Max said, looking smug. "It's not quite ready yet – turns out that getting the components for a nuclear bomb isn't as easy as the TV terrorists make it look – but once my satellite is in orbit, I'll be able to turn any city on Earth into a smoking crater with the press of a button!"

Beardo made the sound of _Call of Duty's_ "incoming tactical nuke!" alarm.

"Yes, that's exactly it, my bearded minion!" Max grinned, rubbing his palms together. "And with that sort of power at my disposal, the people of Earth will have no choice but to surrender to me and bow before my strength!"

"I'm sure you'll make a wonderfully _evil_ leader," Scott said, the sarcasm so thick that it formed a puddle at his feet.

"Indeed I will, shorter-redheaded minion! I've even got my title picked out. I shall be known as Max! The Incredibly Destructive, Inescapable, and Omnipresent Tyrant! Mwahaha-"

"Wait," Mike spoke up, "so when you rule the world, you want everyone to call you Max the IDIOT?"

Max blinked, then mumbled under his breath. "I, D, I… Ah, damn it!" He stomped the floor of the cabin (leaving a dent in the old wood) before clearing his throat. "Well, no matter! I still have plenty of time to come up with a wonderfully _evil_ moniker for when I take over the world."

"Uh, that's all well and good Max," Cameron said, looking around nervously, "but at the moment, I think we've got a bigger problem. There are seven of us, right?"

"Yeah," Rodney confirmed, looking confused. "What about it?"

"How many beds do you see here?"

The other boys blinked and slowly looked around, as if noticing the _three_ bunk beds for the very first time.

"Oh, that's _perfect_ ," Scott deadpanned.

* * *

 **Confessional Cam: Awk-** _ **ward!**_

 **Chris:** "Oh yeah, I forgot that for season one we didn't have more than six guys and girls to a team, so we never had to order more than three bunk beds for each side. (shrugs) Oh well! Hope four of the guys don't mind buddying up for the time being, haha!"

 **Scott:** "Great, so my roommates are some inbred country bumpkin, a neurotic neat freak, a wimpy bubble-boy, a living sound-effects mixer and… whatever the hell Mike is! Yeah, I don't think so. These guys have _got_ to go."

 **Mike:** "Thankfully, we didn't have a problem with the bed shortage. Turns out that Dave guy came prepared to camp out, so he offered to stay outside. I don't know what he seemed more concerned about: the possibility of sharing a bed with another guy, or the thought of sleeping in that cabin period."

 **Dave:** "Ugh, that cabin was the most unsanitary place I've ever set foot in! I'd rather sleep outside in my tent: at least I know _that's_ clean!"

* * *

"Okay, this is beyond gross," Dakota said as she lifted the blanket on one of the beds, cringing at the scratchy texture. "Chris can't possibly expect us to live like this!"

"Well, this is a guy who makes his living by making teenagers miserable," Sky pointed out, sitting on one of the bottom bunks. "Honestly, I think he's known for a while that they'd be doing another season here and purposely did zero repairs _just_ to make our lives difficult."

"It would fit with his established profile of chronic sociopathy and general sadism," Scarlet observed, pulling the blanket off of her bad and replacing it with a softer one that she had the foresight to pack.

Anne Maria, who was applying more hair spray, looked around the cabin with apprehension. "I'm just wondering if he planned anymore 'surprises' like he had on the Dock of Shame," she said, running a brush through her hair. "Do you how long it took me to look this fabulous again?"

"How can we not?" Jo asked, crossing her arms and frowning. "Since you've been here, you've already used enough hair spray to double the size of that hole in the ozone lair."

"Oh yeah?" Anna Maria stopped spraying and put her hands on her hips. "Well there isn't enough hair spray in the world to make you look like anything more than a lumpy gym rat!"

"I'd rather be a rat than a misshapen carrot like you!"

Anne Maria growled and took a step towards Jo, who snarled as her hands curled into fists. Scarlet and Dakota wisely took a few cautious steps back, and Sky considered just staying where she was, until she remembered that she was probably the most level-headed girl present.

"I just know this is gonna end badly for me," she mumbled to herself before hopping off and planting herself between Jo and Anne Maria. "Okay, that's enough!" She said firmly.

The girls switched their angry glares from each other to Sky for a moment, and the athlete had to take a deep breath to not panic.

"Look, like it or not we're going to be teammates for a while," she continued, "and if we keep fighting like this, the Wild Wolves are going to trample us. We need to work together, so I'm going to need you two to make a Cold War pact."

The angry looks briefly gave way to confusion. "Huh?" Anne Maria and Jo asked in near-perfect unison.

"It means you two need to just hate each other in silence so we can work together and hopefully _not_ get our asses kicked. Okay?"

The three of them stood like that for a moment: Anne Maria and Jo glaring daggers at each other while Sky stood between them, their muscles drawn tight and ready to spring in a moment's notice. Scarlet and Dakota stood a safe distance away, the former calculating the probable result of a brawl (and the odds were _not_ in Anne Maria's favor), the latter with her phone out and ready to record from the first punch, falling back on years of school experience.

The seconds ticked by like centuries, until Jo broke the silence with a sigh.

"Sky's right," she said, "this sort of infighting is bad for team morale." She unclenched her fist and extended it to Anne Maria. "Truce?"

Anna Maria stared at Jo's hand for a few long seconds, then sighed and shook it. "Okay, truce."

Sky let out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding as Jo and Anne Maria stalked off to opposite sides of the cabin. _Crisis averted,_ she thought, plopping back down on her bed. _Huh, that actually went a lot better than expected. I thought for sure I was gonna come out of that with a black eye or something-_

The cabin door slamming open cut off Sky's thoughts. She glanced up to see Sugar swagger in with a big smile, completely oblivious to the volatile situation that had just been narrowly defused.

"Hey, roomies!" She said with a big grin. "Are we having fun yet?!" Her eyes fell on the beds and lit up. "Ooh, bunk beds! Dibs on a top bunk!"

Sky's eyes went wide and bloodshot in an instant.

With a swiftness her size betrayed, Sugar crossed the cabin in five big steps and leapt for the top bed above Sky, just as she shot up and screamed: "WAIT SUGAR DON'T-"

* * *

 **Confessional Cam: Welcome to the International House of Pain-Cakes!**

 **Jo:** "That fake-tanning _Jersey Shore_ -reject thinks she can push _me_ around?! I'll tolerate her for now, but the second we lose a challenge, that bitch is gone!"

 **Anne Maria:** "That jockstrap-wearing hag who wouldn't know fashion if it punched her in her pig nose thinks she can push _me_ around?! I'll play nice for now, but the second we lose a challenge, that bitch is gone!"

 **Sky:** "Okay, so I learned a few important things about my new teammates. One: both Jo and Anne Maria are very proud, passionate women. Two: as long as I can keep them from throttling each other, we can use that drive to dominate this game. And three… (she rubs the bandages wrapped around her head and winces) Sugar is heavy…"

 **Sugar:** "Ha ha ha, very funny Chris. I can't believe he'd rig the bunk beds to collapse like that! I swear, that man has a sick sense of humor!"

 **Chris:** "Hey, you guys wanna know a secret? Come here… (leans close to the camera, smirks and whispers) I didn't mess with the bunk beds in any way!"

* * *

Unlike their Eagle counterparts, the boys of the Wild Wolves recognized the bed problem right away.

"Anyone who doesn't wanna share a bed with another dude say not it!" Lightning said at once, his words almost too fast to hear. "Not it!"

"Not it!" Topher, Brick, Leonard and Sam all shouted within milliseconds of one another. B blinked and opened his mouth, then realized he had already lost and closed it, bringing a palm to his forehead.

"Sorry about that, buddy," Sam said sympathetically, reaching up to pat B on the shoulder.

"I can put a cloaking spell over Shawn so you don't even know he's there," Leonard offered with a hopeful smile.

"Wait," Topher said, looking between B and the rather small mattresses, "how is that even gonna work?"

"How is what gonna work?" Shawn asked, poking his head in from the cabin porch.

"Looks like you and B here are going to be bunkmates," Brick said, pointing to the three bunk beds. Shawn looked confused, then saw the dejected look on B's face. His eyes widened in realization and he rapidly shook his head.

"That is _so_ not happening," Shawn said. "It won't be a problem anyways, since I already planned to sleep on the roof."

The other six Wolf boys blinked.

"Uh, the roof?" Lightning asked, pointing to the ceiling. Shawn nodded emphatically.

"Yeah man! Ground domiciles like this are a massacre waiting to happen! If a bunch of zombies decide to come busting in here in the middle of the night, it'll be like an all-you-can-eat-buffet of brains!"

The other six blinked. Again.

"Uh, what's up with this dude?" Topher whispered to Sam. "You were talking to him earlier."

"Yeah, about video games," Sam whispered back. "I didn't think he was serious about the zombie thing!"

"So anyways, I'll be staying up above ground where it's safe for my time on this island," Shawn finished saying as he jumped up and grabbed the cabin's gutter, using the outside windowsill as a foothold. "Can someone hand me my suitcase?"

"Uh… sure, I've got you," Sam said, giving the others a shrug as he stepped outside. Lightning, B, Topher and Leonard watched as Sam hefted the bulging suitcase up and Shawn reach down to pull it on to the roof.

"That guy is weird," Lightning said bluntly.

"You can say that again," Topher said, he and B nodding.

Leonard shook his head. "It is so sad when someone lets a delusion completely take over their life."

* * *

 **Confessional Cam: Hello pot, my name is kettle.**

 **Shawn:** "Yeah, I heard everything the guys said. But I don't let it bug me: people have been calling me a freak for years now, telling me that I'm wasting my life on some paranoid fantasy. Well, we'll see who's laughing when the dead rise from their graves and everyone else becomes a human Happy Meal!"

 **Lightning:** "Man, I don't have a good feeling about some of these guys, especially Shawn and Leonard. I mean, I know _I'm_ amazing, but a team is only as strong as its weakest link. And those two look like they'll break if I so much as sneeze on them."

 **Brick:** "We've got some good soldiers here, but it's gonna take a lot of hard work and the directions of a great leader to turn us into a functioning unit."

* * *

Jasmine hadn't taken two steps into the cabin when a high-pitched scream assaulted her eardrums.

"Oh God, kill it!" Amy shrieked, backpedaling into Jasmine as she frantically pointed to one of the beds. "Kill it kill it kill it!"

"Whoa, calm down there blondie," Jasmine said, put a hand on Amy's shoulder to steady her. "What the hell's got your knickers in a twist?"

"There! Underneath that bed!" Amy said, still pointing. "Oh God, it was hideous!"

The Aussie exchanged a concerned glance with the rest of the Wolf girls. After a moment's hesitation, it was Dawn who stepped forward, striding past Jasmine and a still-panting Amy over to the bunk bed that had been indicated. Very slowly, she crouched down to peer beneath the lower bunk, and her look changed from worried to joyful in a heartbeat.

"Well hello there, little one," she said gently, reaching her hand beneath the bed. "It's okay, no one's going to hurt you."

She sat like that for a second, then stood up. Sitting in her outstretched palm was a tiny brown mouse, staring up at her with its ears tucked back and his little pink tail curled around himself protectively.

Jasmine scoffed. " _That's_ what you freaked out about?! It's a mouse, for Christ's sake!"

"It's hideous, disease-ridden vermin is what it is!" Amy insisted.

"What are you talking about?" Ella asked, slipping past the two and going up to Dawn. "He's so _cute!_ "

She gently scratched the mouse behind the ear, and he squeaked and chattered happily.

"He says that he understands your apprehension, given his species' reputation," Dawn said to a bewildered Amy, "but he happens to keep himself very clean and completely bug free."

Amy stared at Dawn and Ella like they were both completely bonkers before scoffing and marching over to the bunk opposite of where they stood.

"What- _ever_ ," she said, tossing her bags onto the top bed, "just make sure that little rat stays out of _my_ bed." She paused, then added as an afterthought. "He can climb in Samey's bed if he wants though."

Samey sighed as she made her way to the bed beneath her sister. Jasmine chuckled as she went over to the last open bunk while Ella and Dawn continued to fawn over their new furry friend.

"Crikey, girl," she said to Amy as she vaulted herself onto the top bed, "you wouldn't last a second where I come from."

"Why's that?" Zoey asked, sitting on the final bed beneath Jasmine. "You have giant mice in Australia?"

"No, we've got mouse plagues, when the buggers multiply too fast. I've seen entire barn floors literally alive with the little ones. It's both terrifying and weirdly adorable."

Jasmine leaned back on her bed to try and relax, but perked up when she heard the unmistakable sound of footsteps coming from above.

"Man, just how much of a cheapskate is Chris anyways?" An oddly familiar male voice asked, almost directly overhead. "Look at this! What kind of idiot would patch a roof up with posterbo – _augh!"_

Jasmine screamed as the ceiling above her caved it, raining wood, plaster and a body down on her. The other girls jumped and cried out, then all looked up towards Jasmine's bed as the sound of coughing echoed through the cabin.

"Man, that was close," Shawn said, his voice muffled slightly as he blinked the dust from his eyes. "Good thing I landed on something… soft…"

He trailed off as his vision cleared and it became clear _what_ he had landed on. Very, very slowly, Shawn raised his head from Jasmine's bosom to look at her face, which was caught somewhere between anger and embarrassment.

There was a long, pregnant pause. Nine months pregnant. With triplets.

"H-hey, how's it going?" Shawn asked, trying to be casual.

* * *

 **Confessional Cam: Talk About a fun-bag airbag! Zing!**

 **Shawn:** (rubbing a hand-shaped red mark on his cheek) "On second thought, I think it'll be safer if I just sleep up in a tree."

 **Dawn:** (with the mouse resting on her shoulder) "I have a good feeling about my teammates; Ella is such a sweetie, and Jasmine and Zoey seem lovely as well. (frowns and looks away) Although, I am sensing a lot of negative emotions from those twins…"

 **Amy:** (scowling) "Well, this is off to a _wonderful_ start. Not only am I stuck with my loser sister, but I also have to deal with the rat whisperer, a rejected Disney princess, an Australian Sasquatch and… whatever the hell Zoey is! (sighs, then smirks) Oh well, at least these morons will be easy to manipulate."

* * *

After getting settled in, the twenty-six teenagers reported to the camp mess hall, where Chris McLean stood waiting in the corner wearing a shit-eating grin. Speaking of which, Chef Hatchet had prepared a smorgasbord of what could very loosely be called "food," including but not limited to: a salad bar of spoiled veggies and wilted leafy greens, a tub of lumpy grey mashed potatoes, gelatin cubes with visible hairs and other nondescript items floating within them, and a large pot of viscous brown mush simply labeled "Mystery Meet."

"Alright, maggots! Listen up!" Chef bellowed from his spot beside the buffet.

Brick was on his feet in an instant, his back strait and the side of his hand to his forehead in salute. He stood like that for a moment until he noticed everyone staring at him, then he laughed nervously and sat back down.

"Sorry," he said. "Reflexes."

Chef blinked, then shook his head and went back to yelling. "In my mess hall, there are three rules. Rule one: I make it three times a day! Rule two: you eat it three times a day! And rule three: if you don't like what I make, you're starving!" He straightened out his apron and put his hands on his hips. "Now, who's gonna be first to get some grub?"

None of the campers moved, their wide eyes still locked on the questionable substances before them. It was Jasmine who finally broke the silence with a sigh.

"What the hell, I'll go first," she said to no one in particular.

She grabbed a tray and stepped up to the counter, eyeing her choices with wary. As bad as the food looked from a distance, it somehow looked even worse up close. Flies buzzed everywhere, the tiny milk cartons that had been set out bore dates from years ago, and the fruit trays were lined with some sort of neon blue fuzz.

"I…" Jasmine said slowly, "I guess I'll try-"

She stopped short when the mashed potatoes started moving and squeaking. Chef scowled and whacked the lumpy mess with a spatula until it was silent and still.

Jasmine blanched and dropped her tray. "Okay, screw this."

With that, she turned on her heels and started marching towards the door.

"And where do you think you're going?" Chef demanded.

"We've got a whole island right outside, don't we?" Jasmine asked, her stride not slowing. "I'm sure there's _something_ edible to be found out there!" She opened the door and threw a glance over her shoulder. "And anyone who doesn't want their stomach to commit suicide is welcome to join me."

Jasmine left, slamming the door shut behind her.

The others glanced between the door, the glaring Chef Hatchet, and his layout of dubious foodstuffs.

The mashed potatoes twitched.

"You know, I _do_ know a thing or two about edible plants."

"They _are_ teaching us how to live off the land at boot camp."

"A zombie-apocalypse survivor needs to know his flora in case of emergencies."

"I like berry-picking with my family in the summer."

"I deserve a meal befitting an _evil_ genius as myself."

"Well, what are you waiting for Samey?! Go with the giant and bring me back some food!"

"Ow! Okay, okay…"

Chef watched, dumbfounded, as the teenagers filed out en masse. He looked over at the amused host and threw a hand towards the departing crowd. "Aren't you gonna stop them?!" He demanded.

Chris tapped his chin, looking thoughtful. "Well technically, there's no rule saying they can't go look for their own food…"

"No rule?! You _make up_ half the rules around here whenever you feel like it!"

"Yes I do. And right now, I don't feel like it." Chris beamed at the stammering chef. "Sorry buddy, but it looks like you're out of a job."

Beardo, the last out the door, paused to look back at the suspicious sustenance. He gave Chef Hatchet a thumbs-down, made a sound like a game-show buzzer, and left.

* * *

 **Confessional Cam: Rejected!**

 **Rodney:** "Man, I've seen animals my Pa hit with his truck that looked more appetizing than that spread."

 **Brick:** "Chef Hatchet's food was so bad, serving it to POW's would be considered a war crime."

 **Ella:** "Oh, I feel so sorry for those poor mashed potatoes! I… don't know _how_ they were even alive, but still!"

 **Zoey:** "I've actually been wondering: is Chef a decent cook who's just paid to serve us the worst food possible, or were those atrocities the result of him actually _trying?_ "

 **Chef:** (fuming) "Those ungrateful little brats! I spend days slaving over a hot strove in that cramped kitchen with a broken air conditioner that Chris is too cheap to fix, and _this_ is the thanks I get?! (he stammers angrily for a few seconds.) "You know what?! Fine! I don't care. Let them eat grass and tree bark! I hope they eat some poisonous berries and wind up crappin' out their own intestines!

(He punches the entire left wall out the outhouse down and stalks off) I get _no_ respect around here!"

 **Chris:** "The truth is, Chef actually has a part in the first challenge that I haven't told him about yet, and I wanted him to be as riled up as possible. (He grins and rubs his hands together.) Oh, this is going to be _fun._ "

* * *

"So, what do you think of our team?" Cameron asked Sky as she plucked blueberries from a bush. The twenty-six contestants had all made their way to a clearing and were searching high and low for any edible fruits and plants.

Well, almost everyone was looking: Amy was just sitting on a rock yelling for her sister to hurry up. She called it "supervising."

"Well…" Sky said, glancing around at the others. Anne Maria and Jo kept shooting glares at one another, Scott was glowering at a chattering Mike and Rodney, Dakota was admiring her reflection in a puddle, and Dave was wincing like every bit of dirt and mud was boiling lava. "We've got some _interesting_ characters, I'll say that much."

"Yeah, we're a colorful bunch all right," Cameron said, cringing as Sugar plucked some totally random berries from a tree and wolfed them down without bothering to check them. "So… what's your thing?"

Sky arched a brow. "Beg pardon?"

"Haven't you noticed that the contestants on this show always have some sort of quirk to them? On our team alone we've got a guy who makes funny noises, a female jock, a brainiac, a mad scientist, a germaphobe… what's your shtick, as they say?"

Sky shrugged. "Um… well, on my audition tape I demonstrated my gymnastic skills. So I guess I'm supposed to be the athlete, or something?"

"I guess," Cameron said, looking down. "I wouldn't realty know about that, to be honest."

"Oh. Not a big into sports?"

"Never really got a chance to find out. I've been a bubble boy most of my life."

Sky looked down at him, shocked. "Like the John Travo-"

"Yes, like that John Travolta movie," Cameron said automatically, like he'd heard it a million times before. "I was born with a really weak immune system, so my mom had to keep me in a sterile bubble for most of my life. My immune system has finally gotten to somewhere near normal levels, so my doctor recommended I expose myself to the outside world to toughen it up further."

"Uh-huh. And the first thing you did was come on this show?" Sky asked, and Cameron shrugged.

"Pretty much. I've been a fan of Total Drama since the first season, and I thought it would be a great way to make friends, experience new things…"

Sky smirked. "Win a million dollars?"

Cameron chuckled and rubbed the back of his head. "Yeah, that'd be nice too, hehe…"

"Yeah…"

Silence fell between them. Cameron glanced down at his shoes, and Sky rubbed her shoulder.

"So," she said abruptly. "The first challenge should be coming up soon. You nervous?"

"A little, but I'm trying not to worry too much," Cameron replied. "I mean, it's only the first challenge, so it shouldn't be _too_ bad, right?"

* * *

In the main command center for Total Drama Bonanza, Chris sat in a chair as he observed a wall full of TV screens, showing the group of foraging teenagers from twenty different angles. Cameron's words were relayed over the speakers, and the host's lips split into a wide grin.

"Aaand that's my cue!" He said as he flicked a switch and grabbed a microphone.

* * *

Back on the opposite side of the island, Sky was a second away from slapping a hand over Cameron's mouth and telling him not to jinx it when the camp's intercom system squeaked to life.

"Attention, campers!" Chris's voice boomed, squealing with feedback. "You have one hour to hunt for your lunch, and then it's challenge time! You must all grab your bathing suits and meet me…"

…

…

…

…

…

…

"… at the top of the thousand-foot cliff! Ahahaha!"

The campers all froze, shocked into silence as the intercom shut off. That silence was then broken by Cameron's wail of despair.

"Oh, me and my stupid mouth!"

 **End of Day One, Part Two**

* * *

And there you have part two! Stay tuned for the first challenge of the story and the Dock of Shame's first victim.

Peace!

StoryCrafter12


	3. Day 1 Part 3: Making a Splash

**Total Drama Bonanza**

 **A Total Drama** **Fanfiction by StoryCrafter12**

 **Disclaimer:** This is a non-profit fanfiction. Total Drama and all of its characters are property of Teletoon and Fresh TV. Please support the official release.

 **Warning:** The following fanfiction contains dangerous stunts and challenges performed by fictional teenagers. Any attempts to replicate these stunts or challenges may result in one or more of the following: broken bones, lacerations, concussions, contusions, hair loss, teeth loss, brain loss, sanity loss, first-degree burns, second-degree burns, third-degree burns, fourth-degree burns, nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea, coma, death, and halitosis. You have been warned.

 **Author's Note:** Chapter three has arrived, ladies and gentlemen! I would have had this up sooner, but real life obligations got in the way. The fact that this chapter turned out longer than both of the first two chapters combined didn't help either, but hopefully the end result is worth the wait.

I hope you all like it!

* * *

 **Day One, Part Three: Making a Splash**

The thousand-foot cliff hadn't changed much in three years: it was still an incredibly steep bluff overlooking the lake, it still had the same painful-looking rocks jutting out of the water, and was still completely terrifying. Only two things were different: the odd mountain of garbage sitting some several yards from the lip of the cliff, and the six inflatable platforms floating in the water below. There were three large red stationary ones nearest the cliff, two mid-sized yellow ones moving back and forth some space away, and a small, fast moving green one a significant distance out on the lake.

The twenty-six campers, all dressed for swimming, took in all of this as they stood at the top of cliff, some calm and impassive while others shook with dread. Before them stood their host, smiling a wicked smile as he gestured out at the lake.

"Welcome to your first challenge, everyone," he said. "Since we came back to Camp Wawanakwa for this season, we thought it would be fitting to do a reprise of Total Drama's very first challenge… with a few twists thrown in to keep things interesting, of course.

"To start with, you may have noticed those platforms floating out in the lake. Your goal for this challenge will be to land on one of those targets to earn points for your team. Red gets ten points, yellow gets twenty-five, and that green one gets fifty! Also, I will allow no chickening out! Everyone on each team must make the dive, and the team that scores the most points wins!"

"Um, Chris?" Sam asked, raising a hand. "I know we've got quite a few athletic people this time around, but judging by the distances, I don't think even the best of us can jump as far as the yellow or green targets."

"Oh, you won't be jumping," Chris said with a chuckle. "And that's when the second set of new rules come in. See yonder junk pile over there?"

The teens turned their heads. As far as they could see, there wasn't anything special about the pile: just a tall mound of assorted odds and ends of various states of decay, like some giant had scooped it out of a dump and plopped it on the island.

"For the first part of this challenge," Chris continued, "each team will have fifteen minutes to gather as many supplies as possible from the junk pile. You must then use those supplies to build some sort of device capable of hurling your team as far out into the lake as you need to go.

"I call this challenge… Making a Splash!"

"Brilliant name, Chris," Topher called out, earning glances from the others. "Beautiful in its simplicity, it conveys all we need to know yet still scares us with the implications. Bravo!"

* * *

 **Confessional Cam: Making a Splash: the next big thing in sports for suicidal adrenalin junkies!**

 **Jo:** "I'm curious about something: is Topher's head up Chris's ass for the warmth, or is it just cozy in there?"

* * *

"And you'll all be happy to know," Chris went on, "that there are no man-eating sharks in the lake this time!"

A collective sigh of relief came from the assembled teens.

"Oh, thank God," Samey said. "Maybe this challenge won't be so bad after all."

"Yes, there are no sharks to worry about." Somehow, Chris's evil grin grew even wider. "Instead, while you gather your supplies…"

A thumping sound came up from down the hill, starting low and growing louder by the second. The teenagers looked, and the color drained from their faces as Chef Hatchet came out from the trees, grinning maniacally. He wore two hefty metallic gauntlets on each arm with wicked looking cannons mounted on top, each one extending a foot past his fists, all hooked up to a massive cage of green balls strapped to his back.

"You'll have to deal with Chef and his ultimate tennis ball launcher!"

Chef grinned and raised his right arm, a tennis ball blasting out of the barrel so fast that it was just a blur of bright green. The campers watched the ball fly over their heads, soar over the edge of the cliff and keep going until it struck a cruising gull, far off in the distance. A tiny, high-pitched scream echoed in the air as the bird spun downwards out of control, until Dave told Beardo to knock it off.

"Way to jinx it, Samey!" Amy snapped, cuffing her sister on the back of the head.

Chris watched with a grin as Chef climbed to the top of the junk pile, where he would have the perfect vantage point over his targets.

"Now then," Chris said, pulling a whistle from his pocket while the bird straightened out and flew off with an indignant squawk, "when I blow this whistle, Chef Hatchet will start shooting and your fifteen-minute supply-gathering window will begin. Three-two-one- _go!_ "

Chris blew his whistle, its shrill cry making several campers jump. It all happened so fast that the teens barely had any time to react before Chef roared and opened fire.

* * *

 **Confessional Cam: Tennis ball gauntlets: the next big thing in sports-related fashion!**

 **Shawn:** "Note to self: when this is over, ask Chris more about Chef's tennis machine. With a little adjustment, it could have some serious zombie-killing potential."

 **Ella:** "Oh, I hope that pour seagull is okay."

 **That Poor Seagull:** (has a bandage on its wing and is squawking, with subtitles at the bottom of the screen) _"Asshole!"_

 **Chef:** (still grinning) It's true what they say: revenge is a dish best served… with a tennis ball to the crotch!"

* * *

The Extreme Eagles and Wild Wolves screamed and ran for cover as the hail of tennis balls rained down upon them. Chef grinned and aimed each of his cannons at a single team, his projectiles slamming into faces, chests, guts and limbs. Sadly for him, it was not to last as the teenagers quickly ducked behind trees, rocks and any other form of protection.

"Okay, so does anyone have a plan?" Brick asked, he and B crouched behind a large rock as the hail of tennis balls died down. Jasmine had taken shelter behind a tree with Shawn clinging to a branch above her, Zoey was lying behind a log, while the pairs of Ella and Dawn, Topher and Sam, Amy and Samey and Leonard and Lightning all hid behind separate bushes.

"We need to figure out what we're going to build," Jasmine explained, "and focus just on grabbing the appropriate supplies. So, who's got an idea?"

"We could make hang gliders," Topher offered. "Just fly out on them, let go and fall onto the targets."

"Not a bad thought, but I don't think there's enough material there to make thirteen hang gliders." Zoey countered.

Jasmine nodded. "She's got a point. We need something we can use over and over again."

"We could toss a zip line out and just slide down onto the targets," Shawn suggested.

"We could build a ramp, find something with wheels and use it to launch ourselves off the cliff," Ella proposed.

"Giant slingshot made from women's underwear?" Lightning guessed.

"Siege catapult!" Leonard proclaimed.

The entire team turned to stare at him.

"Hey, it could work! You're looking at the man who single-handedly orchestrated the assault on the Goblin Fortress of DarkHallow! Without my catapults, we never would have toppled the tyrant Gilvros and ended the Orc/Goblin War!"

Amy scoffed. "Why don't you just use your 'wizard magic' to just levitate us to the targets?"

"A valid suggestion, but sadly I don't have nearly enough mana to perform thirteen telekinesis spells, especially given the size of some of our party members. No offence, Sir B."

B looked down at his own massive frame and shrugged.

Jasmine shook her head. "Okay people, we've _got_ to pick something soon or were not gonna have time to grab anything to build with!"

"Wait, I think Leonard might be onto something," Ella spoke up. Now the rest of the team (sans Leonard) gave her strange looks. "Just hear me out. I don't think a catapult would be such a bad idea. I mean, all we'd really need is a long piece of wood, something heavy to drop on one end and some kind of… thingy to balance it on."

"Fulcrum." Samey said.

"Gesundheit."

"Not bad, but how are we going to drop our counterweight with enough force to send us flying?" Brick wondered.

B rubbed his chin, then smiled and snapped his fingers.

"Wait," Dawn spoke up, "I sense B has a plan."

B nodded and picked up two small rocks and a twig. He balanced the twig on the one rock and placed the other rock on one end. On the other end, he set his elbow in the dirt, pointing his arm strait up. With his other hand he made a fist and placed it atop his arm, then made a show of dropping that fist onto the miniature catapult, flinging the pebble through the air and over the cliff.

"Oh, make a tower to drop our counterweight and give us more air time," Shawn said to Jasmine. "I think it could work."

"Yeah, it's simple to build, easy to use," Jasmine said, nodding and smiling. "I think we've got a winner." Her smile dropped and she shot a glare up at Shawn. "Also, don't talk to me. I'm still kinda pissed about earlier."

"I said I was sorry! How was I supposed to know that walking on a rotting roof repaired with plywood and poster board would be dangerous?"

"Okay!" Jasmine said with a clap, ignoring Shawn entirely. "Looks like we're doing a catapult!"

"Great, so we know what we're building," Sam said with a nod, "but how are we gonna get the stuff without getting pummeled by Chef?"

He slowly stuck his hand out from hiding, only to instantly withdraw it with a yelp when a tennis ball skimmed his fingertips.

"Leave that to me, Lord Sam," Leonard said, holding out his blue book from earlier. Where he had pulled it from, no one could say. "One force field spell coming right up!"

"Or!" Jasmine said quickly. " _Or_ we could just find something big in the junk pile to use as a shield."

Leonard blinked at her, then rolled his eyes. "Well fine, if you want to do things the _hard_ way."

* * *

 **Confessional Cam: We salute the veterans of the Orc/Goblin War.**

 **Jasmine:** "I've got mixed feelings about that Leonard bloke. I know his heart in the right place, but his obsession with 'magic' has me kind of worried."

 **Leonard:** "I know the others are skeptical of my powers now, but once I get into the swing of things and show what I'm capable of at full strength, the others will see me for the valuable asset I am."

 **Amy:** "I just know that freak in the bathrobe is going to screw things up for us sooner or later, and the second he does, he is out of here!"

* * *

"Alright then," Jasmine said, peering out from behind her tree, "Lightning, Brick, B, you three are the strongest guys we've got. I'll need you all to run out and draw Chef's attention so the rest of us can gather the supplies. Find something big and sturdy to use as a wall, and regroup with the rest of us. Think you can do that?"

"Run interference and play defense," Lightning, smacking his palm with his fist. "You can count on me, coach!"

"We won't let you guys down," Brick said, crouching down in a runners starting stance.

B gave a thumbs up, looking determined.

"Good on you," Jasmine nodded. She held up three fingers and started counting down. "Three… two… one… _now!_ "

Lightning, Brick and B shot out from their hiding spots, fists in the air and screaming like mad men (or just fists in the air in B's case). Chef reacted instantly, unleash a barrage of tennis balls on the boys. To his surprise, however, they met the salvo head on rather than try to avoid it.

"Man, you think this hurts?" Lightning said tauntingly, even as a tennis ball smacked his forehead. "I know grade-schoolers that can throw harder than this!"

"Yeah!" Brick added, and made a show of trying to punch each ball out of the air. "And you know what else? Your cooking is so bad, you make the mess hall at boot camp look like a five-star restaurant!"

B smirked and stuck his thumbs in his ears, wiggling his fingers as he blew a raspberry.

Chef's eye twitched, and with a bellow of pure rage he swung the second barrel in their direction and opened fire. Brick screamed: "Serpentine!" and the three broke off running in random directions, tennis balls flying every which way as the cook kept up the assault in a blind fury.

"Whoa, that did the trick, all right," Jasmine said, watching from behind her tree. In a hushed voice she said to the rest of her team, "Okay Wolves, time to go. Remember, move quickly and quietly. Let's go, go, go!"

Meanwhile, the Extreme Eagles had much better luck with their hiding spot and were all able to take shelter behind a large bush. Coming up with a plan, however, hadn't gone nearly as smoothly.

"Okay, here's the plan," Jo said, tennis balls flying overhead, "me, Beardo, Sky and Rodney will take point, since we're the only ones who can either take a hit or dodge the tennis balls. The rest of you-"

"Excuse me," Anne Maria said, hands on her hips, "who said _you_ were in charge?"

"Uh, _I'm_ in charge because I'm the strongest player on this team. Therefor I'm the leader, and what I say goes!"

"I don't remember voting for you! Maybe I wanna be in charge!"

"Don't make me laugh," Max said haughtily. "If anyone deserves to lead this team, it should be our resident evil genius, me!"

Scott glanced between his three teammates, and his lips curled into an evil smile.

* * *

 **Confessional Cam: I get some bad vibes from this guy.**

 **Scott:** "My plan for this game is pretty simple: I'll sabotage my team to pick off the stronger competitors and lull the Wolves into a false sense of security. Then when they let their guard down and get cocky, I move in for the kill. But before I can do that, I'll need to sow the seeds of discontent among my own team. (grins) Lucky for me, that doesn't look like it will be too hard."

* * *

"Guys, we don't have time for this," Sky said, "Every second we waste fighting is a second less we'll have to gather supplies."

"Well now hold on," Scott said, "I think if we're going to work together properly as a team, we need a clear leader to follow." He smiled at Anne Maria. "I for one think the lovely Anne Maria would make a great team captain."

Anne Maria smiled back. "Thanks for the support, country boy."

Rodney glanced between Rodney and Anne Maria, shocked.

 _Country Boy?_ He thought, feeling a little bit of his heart breaking. _But… but that's Anne Maria's pet name for_ me! _I thought we had something special…_

"Oh yeah?" Rodney spoke up, stepping up aside beside the girl from New Jersey. "I'm also behind Anne Maria, a hundred and ten percent! No, twenty! Fifty! Two-hun-"

"Okay, we get it!" Scott interrupted, earning a glare from the larger boy. "So, that's three votes for Anne Maria."

"Wait, we're voting now?" Cameron asked, blinking. "When did that happen?"

"Yeah, a-aren't we supposed to be coming up with a plan?" Dave asked.

"Not until we have a proper leader," Max said, jabbing a thumb into his chest. "I nominate myself, naturally."

"Guys, we don't have time for this," Sky insisted, trying to keep calm.

"I think one of Max's crazy inventions will help," Sugar said, ignoring Sky completely, "so I vote for the mad scientist!"

"Excuse me?!" Max turned to glare at the pageant queen. "I prefer the term 'evil genius,' thank you very much!"

"I'll vote for Max as well," Scarlett said. "I feel his unique intellect could offer an advantage to this challenge."

Sky closed her eyes and took a deep breath through her nose. "Okay. Okay, fine. If we're voting for a leader, I'll pick Jo."

"Thanks Sky," Jo said, looking smug. "I knew you'd recognize that I'm the obvious choice to lead."

Beardo ran a hand through his dreadlocks as he looked between the three candidates, then pointed to Jo with a 'ding!'

"Three to three," Sky said, looking up at Dakota, Cameron, Dave and Mike. "What do you guys think?"

"Anne Maria," Dakota said, "since she's the only one of you with any sense of style."

"How does that help in a challenge like this?" Mike asked. "I'm with Scarlett and Sugar, I think Max can build something good we can use."

"Well, Jo _does_ seem to be the leader type," Cameron said, "so I'll cast my vote for her."

Everyone looked at Dave.

"What, me?" he asked.

"You're the deciding vote, String Bean," Jo said, glaring. "Who's it gonna be?"

"And hurry it up," Anne Maria said, also glaring, "before the other team gets all the good junk!"

"Yes, minion," Max said, (you guessed it) glaring. "Hurry and pick me so that I might lead our team to victory against those worthless Wild Wolves!"

"I-I-I don't know!" Dave stammered, shrinking under the expectant looks his team was giving him. "I don't know who'd be the best leader, I just met you all a few hours ago!"

"Dave, just please pick someone so we can get on with the challenge," Sky said, all but pleading.

"Yeah, but choose carefully," Scott said with a smirk. "This is an important decision, and you don't wanna be responsible for making the _wrong_ choice."

"I-I don't… I just…" Dave looked around in desperation, and noticed something peculiar. "Wait, why isn't Chef shooting at us?"

The other Eagles blinked and glanced up. Sure enough, there were no tennis balls flying over the brush. Jo glanced up from behind her team's cover and saw Chef firing wildly at a scrambling Brick, B and Lightning, while the rest of the Wolves filing out from their hiding spots, crouched low.

"The Wolves are on the move!" Jo said. "Forget the voting! Everyone, grab as many supplies as you can while the other team has Chef distracted!"

"Wait!" Dave said. "What's the plan?"

"Figure out who's in charge and what we're building after we get our materials, that's the plan! Let's move, people!"

The Eagles ran out from behind the bush, Anne Maria, Jo, and Max all glaring at one another while Scott chuckled under his breath.

* * *

 **Confessional Cam: Well, still not as bad as the American voting process.**

 **Scott:** (laughing) "Oh man, that went even better than I hoped! At this rate there's no way we'll win the challenge! And then either the wannabe-Snooki, the jock girl or Dr. Evil will be on the chopping block for delaying us with their petty rivalry. (rubs his hands together) Oh, I hope the rest of the game will be this easy!"

 **Dave:** "Oh, I can't believe the others put me on the spot like that! I _really_ don't do well under pressure… I just hope the others won't think less of me for it."

 **Sky** : (sighs) "So much for our Cold War pact…"

* * *

"That plank looks nice and sturdy," Jasmine said, pointing to a long, intact wooden board jutting out from the junk pile. "Topher, Sam, help me get that out. Ella, Dawn, you ladies find us something to balance the board on-"

"Fulcrum," Samey said again.

"Gesundheit. Samey, you and the rest gather materials to build us our tower. We need beams, a ladder, and stuff to hold it all together. Last thing we'll grab is something big to use as a counterweight. And remember to stay quiet!"

The team split it into three groups while Brick, B and Lightning continued to draw Chef's fire. Jasmine, Topher and Sam ascended the mountain of garbage and began to work the lumber free.

"So, what happened on the girl's side earlier?" Sam asked Jasmine. "We heard a sound like something breaking, and then a scream."

A slight blush crept over Jasmine's cheeks as she frowned. "Your roommate fell through our ceiling and landed… on me."

Sam chuckled. "Seriously? Oh man, talk about awkward."

"Yeah. Well... I suppose I can't be _too_ mad at the bloke. After all, it's not his fault Chris is too cheap to actually fix the roof."

"Hey, don't dis the Chris man!" Topher said, glaring at Jasmine. "He probably just needed the money to afford all of these super-cool and brilliant challenges."

"Yeah, because a pile of garbage is _so_ expensive," Sam remarked dryly.

They got the board loose and slowly pulled it free, careful not to disturbed the garbage around it. Sam and Topher carried the board down to the bottom while Jasmine looked to the others. "How are we doing, guys?"

"Dawn and I found something we can use," Ella said as she and the moonchild hefted up an old recliner, the upholstery torn and bleeding stuffing.

" _I_ found us a wheelbarrow so we can move everything," Amy said, proudly holding a wheelbarrow by its handles. Samey opened her mouth top say something, than thought better of it and looked away with a sigh.

"This ladder will make an excellent addition to our wizard's tower," Leonard said. He, Shawn and Zoey grunted with effort as they lifted a large metal ladder at the base of the junk mountain. They started to move it, unaware that some rope had coiled around the ladder's bottom rung, the other end tangled around an engine block. The teens walked until the rope went taught and yanked the ladder from their grips, causing it to fall with a clatter.

Startled by the noise, Chef looked over and saw the rest of the other teenagers gathering their supplies. Still keeping a gun trained on B, Lightning and Brick, Chef growled and raised the other cannon to open fire on the rest of the Wild Wolves, who screamed and ran back for cover.

"Gah! We could really use that wall, guys!" Zoey called out, arms thrown over her head in a feeble defense.

"We need a little more time," Brick replied as he and the others scaled the garbage heap, still searching desperately.

Amy heard all of this and glanced over at her sister, the two of them bringing up the rear of the fleeing teens, and gave her an evil smile.

"Samey shield, activate!" She said and threw her foot out, tripping Samey who went down with a cry. Sensing wounded prey, Chef grinned and concentrated all of his fire on the downed twin. Samey tried to crawl away, but couldn't move under the endless barrage of tennis balls smacking her skin, and settled for curling up into a tight ball.

"Hang on, cheerleader!" Lightning called out, and tossed more garbage away from the pile. "Gotta be _something_ here we can use!"

"I see something!" Brick said, pointing upwards. Not too far ahead was a large piece of metal siding, the kind found on sheds and mobile homes, several feet wide and taller than Jasmine.

"Sha-bingo!" Lightning said. He and the other boys reached the hunk of metal and wedged their fingers underneath it. "On three, men! One! Two! Three!"

With simultaneous grunts of effort, B, Brick and Lightning lifted the piece of siding, leaning it up against their bodies to support it. They made their way down the mountain as quickly as possible, making their way over to Samey and plopping the makeshift wall down in front of her. Lightning held up the wall as Brick waved the rest of the team over and B helped the battered cheerleader to her feet.

"Man, that was close," Sam said, being the last one of the team to make it behind the new cover. He smirked triumphantly as he felt the tennis balls smack harmlessly against the metal barrier. "Good job with this wall, guys."

"And way to take one for the team, Samey," Shawn said, patting the cheerleader on the back. She winced in pain, and Shawn cringed. "Oops. Er, sorry about that."

"No problem… Samey muttered, shooting a sidelong glare at her sister, who scoffed and looked away. Dawn saw all of this, a look of concern on her face.

* * *

 **Confessional Cam: Not very sister-like, if you ask me.**

 **Samey:** (examines some the bruises starting to form on her limbs and winces.) "Okay, I know Amy was just doing what was best for the team and giving everyone time to get to cover, but did she _have_ to trip me? She couldn't just tell me her plan to get Chef's attention and then let me run in circles or something?

(she thinks about it for a minute, then sighs.) No. No, of course she couldn't."

 **Dawn:** "Amy told us that her sister purposely stayed behind to buy the rest of us time to get away, but I'm not entirely sure I believe that. The whole time her aura was an ugly, pulsating red and black, and whenever she so much as looks at Samey, her negative emotions only seem to get stronger…"

 **Amy:** "I don't know what Samey's problem is. Thanks to _my_ brilliant plan, now the rest of team won't think she's completely useless! (scoffs) The ingratitude of my sister, I swear…"

* * *

"Alright, let's finish gathering our supplies," Jasmine said, directing B, Brick and Lightning over to the metal wall. "Wolves, let's move!"

The three of them picked up the wall and walked with it, the rest of the team staying safely behind it as they gathered up their dropped items. Seeing that the Wolves were too well-protected, Chef growled and turned his attention to the Extreme Eagles, whom were running around in a frenzy. The large cook cackled manically as he swung his guns around and fired. The first volley smacked into Max's rear as he bent over to examine a metal oil drum. The would-be evil genius cried out as the impact sent him tumbling over the barrel, his shouts alerting the rest of the team to the attack.

"Scatter!" Jo screamed and ran back towards the bush with several pieces of timber tucked under one arm, taking several tennis balls to the back in the process. With no clear direction, the rest of the Eagles ran about like chickens with their heads cut off, some dropping their goods in a mad dash for cover, others desperately holding on to what they had.

"How many tennis balls does he have, anyway?!" Dave demanded, trying his best to curl up behind a rusting car door with a broken windshield. "Seriously, he's been firing on full-auto for like ten minutes now!"

Cameron, who was lugging a tool box loaded with a hammer and dozens of nails, yelped as he took a ball to the back of the knee.

"Gah! Charlie horse!" He screamed, dropping to the dirt and throwing his arms over his head as several tennis balls rained down upon him. "Cameron's down! Cameron's down!"

"Hang on!" A female voice replied.

Cameron dared a quick glance up just in time to see Sky sprinting towards him, plucking a long pipe from the wreckage as she ran. Eyes narrowing, she placed herself in front of the smaller boy and started to swinging, managing to knock several tennis balls away as the rest pelted her body.

"Can you walk, Cameron?!" She half-asked, half-screamed as she held back the barrage. Cameron tried to lift himself up, only to cry out and fall as agony shot up his leg, forcing him back down. "Guess that's a no! Ow, ow, ah! I could _really_ use some help here!"

"I gotcha!" Cameron heard a deep male's voice say, right before he was hoisted up and thrown over someone's shoulder. Cameron found himself upside down, the world bouncing and wobbling for a few seconds, until he was lifted again and laid down in the dirt. He shut his eyes tight until everything stopped spinning and his stomach quit doing backflips. When he opened them again, he found that he was safely behind the bush, staring up at a concerned Rodney.

"You okay, buddy?" Rodney asked.

It took Cameron a minute to respond, the small boy panting as he stared straight up with unblinking eyes. When he did speak, the words came out in a tiny whisper: "I want my bubble."

Back out in the open, the rest of the team wasn't doing so hot. Sky was trying in vain to deflect Chef's barrage to give the others time to make it to safety, and collecting dozens of welts and bruises for her trouble. Dakota refused to budge from inside a door-less refrigerator, hands protectively over her blond locks as she screamed "Not the hair, not the hair!" over and over. Rodney charged back out the second he spotted the panicking Anne Maria and had picked up a large tractor tire to use as a shield – a valiant effort, were it not for the large hole in the center that left Rodney's chest a huge target.

"This is seriously not cool!" Mike screamed as he ran, clutching a plastic canister full of gasoline and a large metal chain in his hands. A tennis ball caught him in the kidney, and he screamed and fell to his knees. "Argh, dammit!"

Mike took a shuddering breath, and his back straightened. His lips curled back into a snarl, his brow furrowed, and his eyes went flat and hard as he whirled around towards the mountain of crap.

"You think you're so tough up there, asshole!?" He screamed, jabbing a finger at Chef. He spun the chain in his hand in a fast circle, deflecting an assault of balls as he stomped forward. "Come down here and fight me like a man, you pathetic excuse for a cook!"

"Don't antagonize him further, you idiot!" Scarlett hissed, darting out from a behind an old-school telephone booth and grabbing Mike's shoulders.

"Get off of me, you crazy bitch!" Mike shouted, thrashing as Scarlett pulled him to safety.

"Yaaah!" Sugar hollered as she ran, a bucket of some sort of purple powder swinging from one closed fist as Chef's projectiles smacked into her. "My fat only makes me a bigger target!"

She looked around wildly and spotted Beardo kneeling behind a washing machine, a large pink band clutched in his hands as he glanced over the appliance up towards Chef. "You there! Funny noise guy!"

Beardo turned around, and barely had time to utter the "surprised" sound effect from _Metal Gear Solid_ before Sugar grabbed him by the collar and dragged him along in the path of the tennis balls, all while screaming: "Shield me with your girth!"

"You ignoramus!" Max shouted up at Chef, popping up from behind his barrel armed with a MacGyvered slingshot that was loaded with a crumpled soda can. "You will rue the day you dared to assault my hieny! I shall rain my vengeance upon you in a never-ending storm of – OW!" He screamed and was knocked to his back by a tennis ball to the forehead. "Gah! _Excuse_ me, but I am _trying_ to engage in witty banter over – ow, ow, _ow! Will you stop that?!_ "

Scott took in all of this from his hiding place inside an old oven, and couldn't keep the grin off of his face.

"Oh yeah," he whispered to himself. "This is going to be _way_ too easy."

* * *

 **Confessional Cam: This ain't your momma's tennis.**

 **Sky:** (bruises adorn the entire front half of her body) "That… _really_ could have gone better."

 **Max:** (face is spotted with large welts, the largest being in the dead-center of his forehead) "That big oaf in a chef's apron may think he has bested me, but he has merely won the battle, not the war! I swear on all that is evil that I will destroy Chef Hatchet and all that he holds dear! I shall reduce him to a sniveling wreck of a man, cowering at my feet for mercy! People shall speak his name only in fearful whispers when describing the total domination I am truly capable of-"

 **(We're just going to cut out there, as he goes on for quite a while.)**

 **Jo: "** Well, as expected, most of my team turned out to be completely worthless under pressure! See, if we had just picked me as leader, we wouldn't have a discipline problem like this!"

 **Mike:** "Man, things were pretty crazy out there. It was so hectic, I don't even remember most of it: I know I was running for the bush, caught a tennis ball to the back, and the next thing I know Scarlett's got me hidden behind a phone booth with her. I've gotta remember to thank her."

 **Scarlett:** "Mike exhibited a rather sudden change in demeanor when threatened. (rubs her chin) Most peculiar…"

 **Cameron:** (eyes wide and trembling) "That… was the single most terrifying the thing I have _ever_ experienced in my life."

 **Rodney:** (a mess of purple bruises decorate his chest and stomach) "Ha! Now that I've heroically saved my love Anne Maria from Chef, she'll forget all about that little weasel Scott! Our love _will_ prevail!"

* * *

The sharp sound of Chris's air horn brought the chaos to a standstill.

"Attention all campers!" He shouted. "Your fifteen minute collection period is over! Please return to your meeting places with whatever you hold in your hand, and do _not_ pick up anything else!"

The two teams gathered together to take inventory on what they had gathered. In addition to the sheet-metal shield, the Wild Wolves had a large wooden plank, an old recliner, a ladder, several yards of rope, some scaffolding parts, a dozen rolls of duct tape, and a rusty dryer with a missing door.

"All right," Jasmine said with a smile, "looks like we've got everything we need right here! Nice work, everybody!"

The Wolves cheered and exchanged high fives and handshakes.

Over with the Extreme Eagles, their pile consisted of a heap of lumber, a hammer and nails, a metal pipe, a few coils of rope, a giant rubber band, a tractor tire bigger than Cameron, a large metal barrel, some gasoline, a chain, a book of matches, a motorcycle engine, a blowtorch and welding mask, a dirty lawn chair, a busted computer and a bucket that turned out to be full of purple glitter.

"Okay, this officially blows," Jo said, breaking the awkward silence.

Chris stepped between the two groups, looking at their findings. "Wild Wolves, you were nice and organized, with a clear goal in mind," he said to them with a smile. "Good job!"

He turned the other team, and his smile became a frown. "Extreme Eagles, you guys were a chaotic mess, and your pile looks like the junk mountain threw up."

"Oh, shut up," Anne Maria said with a glare.

"Now that you have your tools," Chris announced to everyone. "You may begin building your devices and launching your teammates. Remember, everyone must take the dive! Chef and I will be down in the lake observing the jumps and recording your scores. Highest score wins, and the losing team sends someone packing!"

* * *

 **Confessional Cam: Didn't he just explain that all twenty minutes ago?**

 **Jasmine:** (smiling proudly) "Setting up the catapult itself was pretty easy, all we had to do was put the chair upside down and balance the plank on it. And after that we all worked together to build a tower to drop that dryer onto it. The whole team came together like a well-oiled machine."

 **Dave:** (looking frazzled) "At first Jo, Anne Maria and Max started arguing again about who should lead and tried to make me pick one of them. I suggested that we split into three sub-teams and each build our own launcher. That way if one of them failed, we'd still have two to fall back on. That makes sense… right?"

* * *

"All set down there?" Jasmine called from the top of her team's rickety scaffolding tower, held together with duct tape. She and Lightning were on the top platform with the dryer resting near the edge, wrapped with rope. Directly below was one end of the makeshift catapult, sticking up in the air. Samey was standing on the other end, having been "volunteered" by Amy to take the first jump, while the rest of the team stood a fair distance away.

"As I'll ever be," Samey replied, looking over the edge of the cliff as though she were staring down a firing squad.

Jasmine nodded at Lightning. "On three then. One… two… three!"

The two grunted and pushed the dryer off the platform. It slammed down on the end of the catapult with a _thud,_ sending Samey flying through the air and over the cliff, her blond hair whipping behind her as she screamed and flailed. The rest of the team ran up to the edge just in time to see Samey splash down far below, in the path of the moving yellow targets, but missing them both completely.

"Of course," Amy said, rolling her eyes as Chris and Chef maneuvered their small boat over to her sister. "I just knew Samey would screw things up."

"Nah, our timing's just off," Jasmine noted, grabbing the rope at her feet. "Lightning, help me haul this up. Someone else, get on the catapult."

After a moment's debate while Jasmine and Lightning pulled the dryer back up, it was decided that Ella would go next.

"Ready when you are!" The princess said, her eyes shut tight as she stood on the catapult. The dryer came down and Ella was pinwheeling through the air, screaming as she fell. Once again the team ran up to watch, Sam counting under his breath until he saw the splash.

"Another miss?" Topher asked, throwing his arms up. "Man, we're never gonna win at this rate!"

"No worries, dude," Sam said, turning back to the group with a smile. "I've think I've got this figured out! Quick, someone else get on. Jasmine, Lightning, wait for my signal."

The athlete and the Aussie shrugged at each before pulling the dryer up again. This time it was Dawn that volunteered to go. Sam held up his hand as he watched the middle platforms closely.

"Wait for it… wait for it…" The targets reached the end of their path and started moving back the way they came, and Sam brought his arm down. "Now!"

Down the dryer came, and up went Dawn. The moonchild screamed as she arced through the air and came back down, landing directly on one of yellow targets.

"Bull's eye!" Sam said, the rest of his team cheering as Dawn bounced off the target and landed in the lake.

"That's twenty-five points for the Wolves!" The amplified voice of Chris echoed up to them.

"Nice work, soldier!" Brick said, slapping Sam on the back.

"How did you do that?" Zoey asked him.

Sam chuckled. "If there's one thing I've learned from years of gaming, it's that you don't aim where your target is, aim where it's going to be. Now, let's win this thing!"

As the Wolves scrambled to launch another teammate, Jo looked over at them and growled.

"The Wolves are pulling ahead of us!" She said as she and Sky pulled the rubber band back farther, a nervous-looking Beardo walking with them. The three of them had haphazardly pieced the rubber loop and timber together into a giant slingshot. Beardo was now standing inside, pressing himself against the band. "Let's get a move on, people!"

"Uh, it's not a race, Jo," Sky pointed out. "All that matters is who has the most points at the end."

"She's right, slow and methodical will win this challenge," Cameron said, kneeling on the ground a few feet away. He tapped the complex mathematics he had scribbled in the dirt with the stick he had used as a pen. "Now, I need a baseline to complete these calculations, so launch away."

"Way ahead of you, egghead." Jo nodded at Cameron, then looked to Beardo. "Ready, beard boy?"

The African-Canadian boy peered up over the edge of the cliff, and saw the looong drop to the water below. His pupils shrunk and he opened his mouth-

"Great! On three, Sky. One… three!"

They let go, and Beardo shot forward like a bullet from a gun. He screamed a perfectly ordinary, human scream of pure terror as he was flung out over the lake and disappeared from sight. A splash was heard a few seconds later.

"Grr! We missed!" Jo said, stomping the ground. Cameron quickly sprinted over to the edge just in time to see Beardo surface, sputtering and splashing.

"Hmm… it looks like he landed about thirty meters out…" Cameron counted off on his fingers, then smiled. "Okay, I've got what I need! Just give me a few minutes to check my math, and this challenge is in the bag!"

He ran back over to his dirt diagrams, right as Topher screamed: "NO WAIT I CHANGED MY-" and went flying, landing on a yellow target.

"The Wolves are up to fifty!" Chris announced as Chef hauled Topher onto the boat with the others. "And the Eagles had better step up their game if they want a chance of winning!"

Over with Anne Maria's group, Dave (who had decided that Jo and Max's inventions were _way_ too dangerous) was staring slack-jawed at the device they had come up with.

"A _tire swing?_ " he asked as Rodney finished tying the rope around a tire, the other end secured to a branch on the tree closest to the edge they could find. " _That_ was your big idea?"

"Yeah, what about it?" Anna Maria asked, crossing her arms. "We got one at the lake my family goes to every summer, and we get some pretty big air from that."

"Makes sense to me," Scott said with a shrug and a smile.

"Yeah, but big enough air to actually hit those targets?" Dave asked.

"Guess we'll find out," Anne Maria shrugged. "Hell, I'll even go first. Gimme a push, Rod."

She climbed up into the swing facing the lake, standing on the bottom of the tire while holding tightly onto the top. From behind Rodney gave her a hard push, sending her forward. The rest of Anne Maria's group watched for a few minutes as she swung back and forth, going higher and higher each time. When she couldn't make herself go any higher, she took a deep breath, waited until the tire swung back forward, and jumped off right as it started to come up.

" _Yeah!_ " Anne Maria cheered, a big smile on her face as she soared through the air. A smile that vanished in a heartbeat when the ground beneath her vanished, replaced by a lake that was a long, _long_ way below. " _Oh, shiiiii…!_ "

Her extra-long curse went on for a few seconds until it was cut off with an "Oomph!" followed by a bounce and a splash.

"Anne Maria scores the first ten points for the Extreme Eagles!" Chris reported, and her group cheered.

"I knew my baby wouldn't let me down!" Rodney said, throwing his arms around Dave and Dakota. As they celebrated, none of them noticed Scott look around to make sure no one was watching before loosening the knot around the tire.

"Yup, we sure are lucky Anne Maria had such a good idea," he said loudly when he was done. "So, who wants to go next?"

After a brief discussion, it was Dakota that found herself standing in the tire next, right as Leonard went flying through the air with a cry of: " _Excelsior!_ " before splashing down in the water.

"Well, loyal Dakota fans," the fame-monger said, striking a provocative pose and looking directly at the nearest camera, "here I go, ready to make a potentially deadly thousand-foot drop, all to lead my team to our first victory!"

"Uh, excuse me," Dave spoke up, looking perplexed. "How can you have loyal fans if this is just the first episode? That hasn't even aired yet?"

"As if a nobody like you would understand. Rodney, if you would?"

The country boy nodded and gave the swing a shove. Like the girl who went before, Dakota went back and forth, higher and higher, then took a deep breath and jumped during the upswing. She screamed as she flew through the air, landing smack-dab on another red target.

"Ten more points for the Eagles!" Chris said.

The words had barely left his mouth when Zoey came sailing through the air with a terrified shriek of: "I REGRET EVERYTHING!" She landed on the very edge of the yellow target.

"And another twenty-five for the Wolves!"

Over with the final group, Max was putting the finishing touches on his brilliant invention. He set down the blowtorch and hammer, pulled his welding mask up and grinned.

"Behold, minions!" Max said with a grand gesture. "This is what you get when you put your faith in a genius of my caliber!"

Mike and Scarlett took a step back, each wearing matching proud smiles. Under Max's directions, the three had shaped the metal barrel into an honest-to-God miniature rocket. Max had torched and pounded the barrel into the proper shape as well as installing the propulsion system, Mike had chained the lawn chair to the top to make a seat for the pilot, and Scarlett had used some spare wood and loose wiring from the computer to make control levers for their vessel.

"I gotta say Max, I thought you were cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs when you told us to build a rocket," Mike said, wiping the sweat from his brow, "but you really delivered."

"Indeed," Scarlett said with a nod, adjusting her glasses. "You've proven yourself to be quite the leader."

"Good job, teammates!" Sugar said with a smile, throwing her arms around Mike and Scarlett's shoulders. "I knew we could do it if we worked together!"

"'Work together?'" Mike repeated with a raised brow and a frown. "You didn't do anything but sit on a rock and eat strange berries!"

Sugar frowned at him. " _Excuse_ me," she threw a hand towards the mess of purple sparkles on the ship's hull, "but our rocket didn't glitter itself!"

"Enough bickering, minions!" Max said, tying some ropes around the rocket. "We must now discuss our plans for winning this petty competition."

"Okay then," Sugar said as she walked up to Max, throwing a glare over her shoulder at Mike and Scarlett, "since _someone_ seems to think I haven't done anything to help out, I'll drive this contraption."

Max rolled his eyes. "Very well, just stay out of my way." He turned to the others and passed the ropes to them, keeping one for himself. "Now, here's the plan: the three of us will strap ourselves to the rocket whilst the large one pilots us out to the farthest target, at which time we will all undo our bindings, dropping us straight onto two-hundred points for Team Eagle, all but securing our victory!"

"Hmm…" Scarlett rubbed her chin as she stared out the rapidly-moving flotation device. "If we maintain this altitude and relative position, based on the comparative speed of the target and falling speed of roughly one hundred feet per second, I'd estimate we should jump when-"

"Hey Maxie!" Sugar called from her chair on the rocket, looking down at the four wooden levers, two on each side of her. "Which of these lever thingies turns this doohickey on?!"

"The switch on the far left!" Max replied, not even bothering to look back. "But don't pull it until I give the code word!"

"What's that?"

"Pomegranate! You were saying, Scarlett?"

"I was just thinking that we should make our jumps when the green target-"

She was cut off again, this time by the sound of an engine sputtering to life.

Eyes widening, the three whirled around to see the rocket rumbling, Sugar sitting atop with her hand on the far left lever, pulling it back.

"What are you doing, you fool?!" Max demanded as Mike and Scarlett yelped and backed away.

"You said 'pomegranate!'" Sugar replied, yelling to be heard over the engine.

"I was just _telling_ you the code word, you stupid bi-"

His curse was cut short when fire bloomed from the end of the rocket. Their ship shot forward like the bullet from a gun, skipping across the ground and out over the cliff, Sugar screaming and hanging onto her chair for dear life the whole time. Max, Scarlett and Mike stared dumbfounded as their ship took off, none of them remembering they were still holding the ropes tied to the craft until it was too late.

" _Waaaaaah!_ " The three screamed as the cords went taught and dragged them forward. None of them had a chance to let go before they left the cliff as well, flailing around behind the zooming rocket like streamers on a bicycle's handlebars.

"How do I steer this thing?!" Sugar screamed, desperately working the two levers on either side of her back and forth, making the rocket whip up and down and left and right and every which way, leaving a twisting trail of black smoke in its wake.

The campers still on the cliff, as well as those on the boat in the lake below, watched in astounded fascination as the ship twisted through the air above, barely able to hear the screams of its four passengers over the roar of the engine.

"That is _not_ something you see every day," was all Chris had to say on the subject.

"Sugar!" Max cried, pointing desperately towards the far right lever as the g-forces peeled back his lips and eyelids. "Brake! Hit the brake!"

"What?!" Sugar replied, looking over her shoulder with a hand cupped around her ear. "What was that?!"

" _BRAKE!_ " Max screamed. Sugar followed his jabbing finger towards the final lever.

"Break this? If you say so!" Sugar grabbed the wooden board with both hands and twisted, breaking it with a loud _crack!_ She held the shattered lever up for the mortified Max. "Now what?!"

" _AAAAAAHHH!_ "

"Keep screaming? Okey-dokey! _YAAAAHH!_ "

Sugar went back to clawing at the control levers and making the rocket flail in all directions, her passengers hanging on for dear life as they were hurled and tossed around. After several seconds of this, the rocket found itself back near the top of the thousand foot-cliff, just above ground level. It looked as though the vessel would continue straight and fly over the island itself, but a jerk of the switch from Sugar sent the ship into a hard right turn, sending it straight for the campers still standing on the cliff.

The Eagles, being closest, didn't even have time to widen their eyes in shock before the speeding rocket slammed into them. Dave and Scott found themselves pinned between Rodney and the nose of the aircraft, while Jo, Sky and Cameron tried to dodge, only to smack into and subsequently get carried off by Max, Scarlett and Mike.

" _Look out!_ " Jasmine screamed, the rest of her team jumping out of the way milliseconds before the screeching rocket barreled through their catapult and tower, smashing both to splinters. Jasmine, Lightning and Sam all jumped right off the cliff without thinking, but missed landing on any red targets.

Meanwhile, the rocket now carrying the entire Extreme Eagles team continued to twist and turn, the nine teenagers screaming at the top of their lungs in panic. Unable to handle the increased weight, original three riders all lost their grips on their ropes, sending Max, Jo, Sky, Mike, Cameron and Scarlett flying in random directions. Five of them roughly smacked the water, while Cameron, through sheer dumb luck, hit a red target, bouncing off it and slamming face-first into the rocky face of the cliff.

"… Ouch…" he muttered, voice muffled by stone.

The rocket kept up its mad flight for about thirty more seconds, until the exhaust flames abruptly petered out as the engine went dead. With no propulsion, the ship then went into a freefall. The remaining four passengers somehow found the lung capacity to keep screaming as they spiraled out of control, slamming into a red target with so force that they popped it and dragged it down with them beneath the waves.

A stunned silence settled over the lake, broken only by the sputtering coughs of the campers as they surfaced from the water one by one.

"Game over!" Chris shouted through his megaphone as the Chef turned the boat towards the nearest floating teenager to begin the rescue process. "I repeat, the challenge is over!"

"Huh?" Zoey blinked at the host, then pointed up towards the cliff, where the rest of her team was staring down at the scene in the lake below. "But the rest of our team hasn't gone yet."

"Doesn't matter! All of the Extreme Eagles have technically made their jumps, and they only managed to score seventy points compared to your team's seventy-five! Therefore, I declare the Wild Wolves the winners of today's challenge!"

It took a few seconds for the news to sink it, but when it did the Wolves burst into wild cheers while the Eagles sulked and swore.

"Now before I tell the Wolves what they've won, I have a quick change to the rules," Chris continued. "Since you guys adamantly refused to eat Chef's grub, from now on each winning team will win a day's worth of food to be shared between them, while the losers will be stuck foraging for wild fruits and plants until the next challenge."

Chris paused to let this sink in, watching as the Wolves got happier while the Eagles got angrier still. "When you get back to camp, you'll find each side to contain a mini-fridge, small cabinet and cooking utensils. Eagles, yours will be barren, and the Wolves will have a nice selection of groceries to enjoy. In addition, in keeping with Total Drama tradition, their prize for winning today is a brand new hot tub, which is theirs to enjoy for the rest of the contest!"

The Wolves' cheers grew even louder, as did the Eagles' swearing.

"Enjoy, Wild Wolves. As for the Extreme Eagles, I'll see you guys at the bonfire tonight!"

"What happened?!" An accent-laden voice asked. Everyone turned to see that Sugar had finally surfaced and was looking around expectantly. "Did we win?!"

* * *

 **Confessional Cam: Eh… Not exactly, Sugar.**

 **Cameron:** (now with cuts and bruises all over the front half of his body) "Okay, I take it back: _that_ was the single most terrifying thing I have ever experienced in my life!"

 **Jo:** (shaking with rage) "I _cannot_ believe we lost because of that fat-ass, blond, inbred hillbilly **(whoa, that is** _ **so**_ **getting bleeped!)** "

 **Scarlett:** (glaring at the camera with her arms crossed) "Of all the idiotic, reckless, foolhardy, senseless, irresponsible-"

 **Max:** (unusually calm) "After giving it some thought, I've decided to spare Chef Hatchet of my wrath and instead focus it all on that the _FAT MORON WITH THE BRAIN THE SIZE OF A BLUEBERRY!"_

 **Dave:** (eyes wide and unblinking) "I knew from watching this show that I'd be doing some crazy and dangerous stuff all for a chance at a million dollars. Even so, getting ran over by a rocket ship was _not_ something I saw coming…"

 **Scarlett:** "-unwise, careless, inconsiderate, moronic-"

 **Mike:** (throwing his arms up) "Seriously, Sugar?! I think we need to call those dictionary guys over a Merriam-Webster, because we need a whole new word to describe how _stupid_ that was!"

 **Beardo:** (frowns, imitates the growl of a large dog and holds up a picture of Sugar for the camera before tearing it in half)

 **Scarlett:** "-biggest dumbass I have _ever_ had the misfortune of knowing!"

 **Sugar:** (hands on her hips, frowning) "Hey, Max said to go when he said the code word, and then he said it! Not my fault the midget gives bad instructions!"

 **Scott:** "Well, that may not have gone… entirely like I planned, (smirks) but at least now it's obvious who's out of here. (chuckles and waves to the camera) Bye-bye, Sugar."

* * *

Night had fallen at Camp Wawanakwa, and for the first time in three years, the island played host to an elimination ceremony.

The thirteen Extreme Eagles, now dressed in their normal clothes but still bearing scars from the day's events, sat on the stumps in front of the bonfire pit, which was lit with a roaring fire that provided a warm and gentle relief from the cool night air. Tensions were high, silent pleas for safety were made, and furious glares were being exchanged. Mostly between Sugar… anyone else, really.

Chris McLean stood up at his podium, grinning at the teenagers, relishing in their unease and anger. In his hand he held a plate of twelve marshmallows.

"Welcome to the first elimination ceremony of the season," he said, "and I have to say, in all my years of hosting Total Drama, I have _never_ seen a failure as spectacular as what happened out there today! I mean, that was just flat-out _awful,_ the worst performance I have ever seen. You guys make last season's Team Victory look like grand champions! If defeat was cake, you guys just bought the whole bakery! You-"

"Will you get on with it?!" Jo snapped. Chris frowned.

"Just kill all my fun, why don't you. Very well then. You all know the rules: if I call your name, come up to receive your marshmallow. The camper who doesn't get one has been voted off Total Drama Bonanza, must walk down the Dock of Shame and take the Boat of Losers outta here!"

"Wait, if we already know the rules," Dave spoke up, "then why did you need to explain them?"

"What part of 'love the sound of my own glorious voice' do you not get? Now then, the following campers are safe: Cameron."

The bubble-boy gasped, running up and grabbing his marshmallow with a big smile.

"Sky."

Sky smiled and collected her treat, exchanging a high five with Cameron.

"Dakota."

"As if there was ever any doubt," Dakota said with a smirk, taking a single marshmallow from the platter.

"Beardo."

The large teen took his sweet with a grin, imitating _Final Fantasy_ 's victory fanfare.

"Rodney."

"All right!" he said, eagerly snatching his marshmallow and popping it in his mouth.

"Scott."

"Thank you my good man," Scott said with a grin. He took his token of victory and stood with the others, unaware of the glare he was getting from Rodney.

"Scarlett."

"Exquisite," she said, taking a marshmallow for herself.

"Dave."

The boy let out a sigh of relief as he took his prize.

Chris beamed at the remaining four teens: Anne Maria, Jo and Max were each giving Sugar a glare that could peel paint, which Sugar returned with a snarl.

"And now we get to the ones most responsible for today's loss. Anne Maria, Jo and Max split up the team with a petty argument, Max built the rocket that caused the disaster, and Sugar… was Sugar. You all made some big mistakes, and one of you is about to pay for it.

"And that person is…"

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

"… Sugar."

Sugar eye's widened. "W-what?!"

"Ha!" Max said, sharing a satisfied smirk with Anne Maria and Jo as the three of them got up to collect their marshmallows. "This is what you get for ruining my brilliant plan, you ignoramus!"

"There's gotta be some mistake!" Sugar cried, shooting a glare at the host. "I demand a recount!"

"Recount?" Chris asked, raising an eyebrow. "You've got twelve votes against you, babe."

"You can't get rid of me!" Sugar now turned her glare towards her teammates. "I'm a pageant queen! I was Lil' Miss Roadkill for five years straight! You _need_ me!"

"Oh, what _ever_ will we do without Lil' Miss Roadkill?" Scarlett asked sardonically.

"We need you like we need you like we need a poison oak rash," Dakota added with a frown.

"The team has spoken," Chris said with a smirk, jerking a thumb towards the dock, "and the Dock of Shame awaits."

Sugar sputtered angrily for several seconds, then screamed through gritted teeth and stomped the ground. "Fine! You wanna kick off the best player on this team, go ahead! Ya'll just signed your own… uh… One of them paper thingies that says somebody died, what are they…?"

"Um, a death certificate?" Cameron guessed.

"Yeah, one of them things!"

Sugar stormed past them towards the Dock of Shame as Chef pulled up in the Boat of Losers, her belongings already on board. Before she boarded, she turned back towards her former team, snorted loudly, and spat a loogie in their direction. "I'll look forward to watching this team crash and burn without me!"

With that she stepped onto the boat and Chef pulled away. The remaining twelve Eagles watched in silence as the craft sailed away and disappeared from sight.

"Well, glad that's over with," Jo said. "Seriously, a bucket of glitter? In what way was that supposed to help us?"

"And did you see the way she dressed?" Anne Maria asked, sticking a tongue out. "Those shoes with _that_ top? Blech!"

"Not to mention her complete inability to follow the most basic instructions," Max said, crossing his arms. "I mean, she actually _broke_ the brake lever on my rocket! Her stupidity was whole reason we were defeated today."

"Not the _whole_ reason."

The three turned to see Sky giving them a hard look, her hands on her hips. The rest of the team had fallen in behind her, waiting to see the ensuing confrontation.

"What are you talking about?" Anne Maria demanded.

"What happened with Sugar was a big part of why we lost," Sky replied, "but that mess only happened because the three of you couldn't swallow your pride and work together! We spent all of our time bickering while the Wolves came up with a clear plan and followed through with it!"

"Yeah but-" Jo started.

"You can't-" Anne Maria began.

"I would've-" Max tried to say.

"No!" Sky cut all three of them off. "I don't want to hear any excuses. Anne Maria, Jo, I told you both earlier that the Wolves would cream us if you two kept fighting, and look what happened! Max, this goes for you too: if you three keep arguing like immature children, I will do everything in my power to make sure that you three will be the next ones to go!"

Silence reigned over the bonfire. The rest of the Eagles, standing a safe distance back, looked between the panting Sky and the stunned group of would-be team leaders, each of whom looked ready to throttle the athlete. It was the kind of conflict a sane person would stay far, far away from.

"I have something to say," Cameron said, stepping forward.

Everyone turned to stare at him. Cameron flinched under the gaze of so many people, but took a deep breath and continued. "I for one think that Sky should be our leader."

Sky blinked. "Me?"

"Her?!" Anne Maria, Jo and Max asked.

"Why not?" Cameron shrugged. "The three of you are never going to stop jockeying for the position of leadership, and as evidenced by the way she just confronted you, Sky has the best interest of the team in mind. This way we can have a captain who will actually lead the team while keeping the three of you in line."

"I'm actually okay with that," Dave said, nodding.

"His reasoning is sound," Scarlett said.

"I wouldn't mind Sky being in charge," Dakota said with a shrug, "as long as I still get to flaunt what I've got."

"Now wait just one second," Jo said, only to be cut off by Cameron.

"All in favor of Sky being our leader, say aye!"

"Aye!" Cameron, Dakota, Mike, Dave, Scarlett and Beardo said. Well, Beardo just made the sound of a bell ringing, but the intention was there.

"I still stand buy you, Anne Maria!" Rodney declared, hands over his heart. "My eternal loyalty is yours!"

"And I'm not getting mixed up in this mess," Scott said point blank.

"Well then, assuming Max, Jo and Anne Maria vote for themselves," Cameron said, indicating the stammering trio, "looks like the team has spoken. Congratulations, Sky."

The athletic teen, who had been frozen in stunned silence throughout the impromptu election, blushed at the sound of her own name. "I… I, uh…"

"Eh, whatever," Anna Maria said with a huff. "I hear leadership is really stressful anyways, and I don't need any stress breakouts."

"Well wait-"

"I'll submit to your rule for now," Max said with a defiant glare, "but don't think that you'll be able to control my evil genius!"

"I'm not gonna-"

"As much as I hate to admit it, Shortstack over there has a point," Jo said with a sigh, glancing at Cameron. "I said I'd get along with Jersey Shore girl, and because I didn't keep my word, we lost. So, if the rest of the team is for it, then I guess you're our leader now."

"I…" Sky trailed off as the Extreme Eagles looked expectantly in her direction. She let out a sharp exhale, running a hand through her black hair. "Wow. Okay, this is _not_ how I envisioned this going.

"Uh… well, thank you for making me a leader, I guess. I promise I'll do the best I can to lead us to victory. The Wild Wolves may have gotten lucky today, but that luck has just ran out." Her lips curled into a confident smile as she found her momentum. "Starting tomorrow, we're gonna dominate this game! Camp Wawanakwa won't know what hit it! Bring it in, team!"

She her hand out, palm down, and waited for the others to gather around her and do the same. "One! Two! Three! Extreme Eagles!"

"Extreme Eagles!" The others cheered, and the whole team threw their hands up.

"Now let's get some sleep," Sky said, heading back to the Eagles' cabin. "We've gotta be well-rested for tomorrow."

The rest of the team followed behind at various paces. Bringing up the rear was Scott, who was looking between Sky, Anne Maria, Max and Jo, doing his best not to break out in a mad cackle.

 _Oh, you all have no idea how easy you've just made this for me_ , Scott thought with a wicked grin. _This game is_ mine.

Chris McLean, who had stood at his podium watching the whole scenario play out, whistled. "Man, talk about drama. And it's only the first day of the season! I hope the rest of the contest is as intense as this, hahaha!"

Chris turned back to the nearest camera with a grand gesture. "And with that, the first day of Total Drama Bonanza comes to a close! The Dock of Shame has claimed victim number one, and twenty-four more will follow before the season is out. Will the Wild Wolves claim another victory on day two, or will the Extreme Eagles come out on top under the new leadership of Sky?

"Find out next time on Total! Drama! Bonanza!"

 **End of Day One**

* * *

And with that, day one comes to a close. Was the elimination obvious? Probably. But then again, Total Drama has never exactly been subtle about who gets kicked off first.

My reasoning in voting off Sugar is that, in my personal opinion, she was a complete failure as an antagonist. Sure, she was good for a few laughs in PI, but for the most part she was just an annoying and gross elimination-Houdini who only made it as far as she did through dumb luck rather than the strategy of previous villains. Between Scott, Jo, Scarlett, Amy, and a few others I won't spoil, I am _not_ starved for choices in antagonists for this fanfiction, and I have big plans for all of them. So Sugar gets the boot. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

Next time on Total Drama Bonanza: It's time for a game of truth or dare the likes of which the contestants have never played! Get ready for anger, tears, embarrassment, and pain. Lots and lots of pain.

Stay tuned!

\- StoryCrafter12


	4. Day 2 Part 1: Dare to be Stupid

**Total Drama Bonanza**

 **A Total Drama** **Fanfiction by StoryCrafter12**

 **Disclaimer:** This is a non-profit fanfiction. Total Drama and all of its characters are property of Teletoon and Fresh TV. Please support the official release.

 **Warning:** This story is rated T for teen. It contains mild danger, language, brief nudity, and some crude humor and sexual elements. To be fair, though, these _are_ teenagers I'm writing about.

 **Author's Note:** Chapter four has arrived, bringing with it the start of day two and the truth or dare challenge! Sorry for the wait, but I had to take a short break after churning out that mammoth of a third chapter. And now this story has crappy cover art courtesy of myself, demonstrating why I should never be allowed to make cover art, ever.

Have fun!

* * *

" _Last time on Total Drama Bonanza…_

" _For our fourth season, we returned to the place where our series was born, the legendary Camp Wawanakwa! We brought twenty-six brand new campers to experience all of the joys the island has to offer, from the collapsing Dock of Shame to the crappy sleeping quarters to Chef Hatchet's gross grub! To our surprise though, the campers decided they'd rather forage for their own food rather than try and keep Chef's slop down. Makes me wonder why the first generation didn't try that… Oh well._

" _After lunch, the campers competed in their first challenge, which required them to build devices to launch themselves off the thousand-foot cliff onto targets below. The Wild Wolves worked well with one another, while the Extreme Eagles were a manic mob of miserable morons! Several people dropped the ball on the Eagles, but the crowning moment of idiocracy goes to pageant queen Sugar, whose inability to follow the most basic instructions caused Max's rocket ship to go out of control, losing the game for her team and earning her a one-way trip on the Boat of Losers out of here!_

" _What further drama awaits us on a brand new season with this brand new cast? Will any friendships blossom into romance? How vindictive and crafty will the villains be this time around? And the biggest question: which lucky teen will walk away from it all with one million dollars?_

" _Find out right now on Total! Drama! Bonanza!"_

* * *

 **Day Two, Part One: Dare to be Stupid**

It was morning on the second day of Total Drama Bonanza. The sun had just started to rise in the east, dyeing the sky in brilliant shades of orange and red that pushed away the last traces of night, only a few of the brightest stars and the ghost of a waxing crescent moon still visible. A light mist had settled over Camp Wawanakwa and the surrounding lake, leaving the whole island in an ethereal, dreamlike state. All was silent, save for the gentle singing of early-rising birds and the chirping of nocturnal insects and animals as they settled down for the day.

Sky took in all of this as she jogged around the campground, her legs pumping and her breathing steady, goosebumps prickling her skin as she ran through the cool fog. As a rule, Sky had never been one of those athletes to get up at the crack of dawn to train, but she made an exception today since she didn't know when Chris would spring the next challenge on them or how long it would last. Running always cleared her head and helped her think, and Sky had a _lot_ to think about.

Admittedly, her confrontation of Jo, Anne Maria and Max last night after the elimination ceremony hadn't gone quite as planned. The idea had been for Sky to make sure the three of them understood how badly their actions had damaged the team before choosing a leader right then and there, then making sure the other two agreed that a team captain had been picked and they'd just have to deal with it and work together or else face elimination.

The curveball had come when that Cameron kid had suggested _Sky_ become leader instead, which had stunned the athletic girl so much that she couldn't bring herself to object before half the team had voted for her. It wasn't that Sky didn't have experience leading – she was captain of her school's gymnastics team back home. But she'd known and formed a bond with those girls for a long time, and didn't become leader of the team in less than a day like she had here. It was all happening a little too fast for Sky's comfort, but like it or not she was head of the Extreme Eagles now, and had promised to do her best to lead them to victory.

The athletic teen vaulted over the tree stumps where her team had sat last night as she ran through the bonfire area, and her thoughts wondered towards the people she was now in charge of. Out of all of them, Jo seemed to be the one Sky had the most in common with: both were tough, sporty, take-no-nonsense women who were determined to win. Jo's biggest problem was her absolute unwillingness to compromise and take orders from others. Now that Sky was in charge though and Jo had admitted she had been in the wrong, maybe she would soften up a bit and hopefully not a hold a grudge. Hopefully.

Anne Maria and Dakota were a mixed bag, Sky decided. The former was almost as stubborn as Jo, the latter a vapid attention hog, and both were a little too girly for Sky's tastes. But they both seemed nice enough under rough exteriors, and hopefully Dakota would be able to keep Anne Maria out of trouble. As for the final girl on their team, Scarlett was clearly the most intelligent out of all of them, but her quiet demeanor made it hard for Sky to get a bead on her personality.

As for the guys of the Extreme Eagles, Sky wasn't sure what to make of most of them. Dave, Mike and Scott were fairly average, with no major good or bad traits to speak of. Rodney seemed like an okay guy, even if his "falling in love" with Anne Maria after knowing her for less than a day was a tad creepy. Beardo and Max were… interesting, to say the least.

And then there was Cameron, the camper whom Sky was the most conflicted about. On the one hand, he was easily one of the nicest people Sky had interacted with during her short time at Camp Wawanakwa. His enthusiasm for being there and making new friends was infectious, not to mention he had been the one to step up during yesterday's clash and diffuse a situation that could have turned very violent, very fast.

On the other hand, he was physically the weakest member of their team, probably the weakest out of the entire cast. And while he was as smart as, or perhaps even smarter than Scarlett, she had least handled herself well enough during Chef's barrage in the last challenge while he… didn't. Given how most of Total Drama's challenges had major physical aspects to them, Sky wasn't sure how well Cameron's brains would really come in handy. As much as Sky hated to admit it, keeping Cameron on might drag down the whole team.

 _Oh, but voting off Cameron would be like drop-kicking a puppy…_ She found herself thinking, before shaking her head. _Gah, don't start going soft, Sky! Remember, the Eagles are counting on you to do what's best for the team. Besides, you're here to win a million dollars, not make friends. Sooner or later, they're all going to lose to you, whether you like them or not. You're here to win._

Sky repeated that mantra to herself as she completed her jog, ending at the Extreme Eagles' cabin just as the sun finished rising. She was surprised to find Jo standing on the front porch, leaning forward to touch her toes, a towel and water bottle beside her.

"Jo?" Sky asked, and the female jock stood up, startled.

"Sky?" Jo blinked, taking in the thin sheen of sweat on Sky's skin, as well as her disheveled hair and faint flush on her cheeks. Jo smirked and offered her water bottle. "I was wondering where you had gotten off to. Damn, I thought _I_ got up early for my morning jog."

"Oh, I'm normally not up this early," Sky explained, pausing to accept the bottle and take several big gulps. "I wanted to clear my head after all that happened yesterday, you know?"

"Yeah, that was one hell of a first day," Jo agreed, now offering her towel. Sky took it and patted down her face, before glancing through the cabin's windows and seeing empty beds.

"Everyone else is up too?" She asked, returning the cloth.

"Yeah, they went to go forage for breakfast." Jo threw the towel around her neck. "I asked Beard Boy to save some for us while I did my morning routine and you were off jogging. They couldn't have gone far if you wanna catch up with 'em."

Sky thought about it for a moment, then shook her head. "I will in a bit. Right now I _really_ need to shower. Have fun on your run."

"Thanks, captain," Jo said, smirking at Sky's blush before hopping off the porch and taking off in a sprint.

* * *

 **Confessional Cam: All the cool people jog** _ **before**_ **the sun is up.**

 **Jo:** "Okay, so I'm not crazy about Sky being in charge of the team, but when you think about it, this works in my favor. Either she'll do a good job and I can get buddy-buddy with the captain, or she'll crash and burn and I'll step up to lead after she gets voted off. It's a win-win situation for me."

 **Sky:** "Ugh, I haven't even led our team in a challenge yet and the stress is already getting to me. I've got to stay focused. Remember Sky, you're here to _win_."

* * *

Eight of the Extreme Eagles trudged through the wilderness, morning sunlight streaming through the forest canopy. Birds were chirping happily, a sharp contrast to the dejected mood of the teenagers.

"Ugh, I can't believe I'm stuck hunting for my own breakfast," Dakota said as she applied her lip-gloss. "I feel like… like a poor person!"

"Most people in this part of the world living in poverty don't hunt for their own food, Dakota," Scarlett clarified, leaning down to gather blackberries from a bush. "This is merely a necessity for surviving on this island if we don't win any challenges."

"Well, we're gonna have to fix that," Anne Maria said, crossing her arm as she sat on a stump. "This whole 'living off the land' business is really hard!"

Scott, who had plucked and taken a bite of a bright red apple, rolled his eyes as he chewed and swallowed. "How hard is it to have Rodney gather your food for you?"

"Oh, having him get the food isn't hard. The hard part is eating nothing but fruit and leaves. I need some variety in my diet over here!"

Dave, who had been meticulously polishing each apple he picked with a cloth, spoke up. "Speaking of which, where is Rodney?" He asked. "He's been gone a really long time now."

As if on cue, a soaking-wet Rodney emerged from the brush, his skin covered in swollen red bumps. He dropped down on one knee and offered a handful of blueberries to Anne Maria.

"Here you are, my love," he said, head bowed as the New Jersey girl took some of the berries and plopped them in her mouth. "Sorry it took so long, but I accidently disturbed a wasp's nest and had to hide in the creek until they went away."

Beardo made the sound of a swarm of buzzing wasps as Anne Maria finished the last of the berries.

"Thanks, Country Boy," she said, not even looking at Rodney. "Mind finding me some raspberries now?"

"Anything for my lady!" Rodney declared, darting back into the woods in a heartbeat.

Anne Maria smirked and wiped the blueberry juice from her chin, until she noticed the others staring at her. "What?"

"Uh, don't you feel even a little bad about using Rodney's affections to turn him into your man-servant?" Mike asked with a raised brow.

"Hey, I ain't _making_ him do nothing. Not my fault he's willing to do what it takes to get a piece of this action." Anne Maria gave a flirtatious smile and gestured to her curvy body, followed by a decidedly unfeminine belch.

"Yeah, you're _such_ a catch," Scott said, tossing his finished apple core over his shoulder. He looked around and frowned. "Hey, anybody seen the 'evil genius'?"

The rest of the team glanced around them. Sure enough, the group was short one purple-haired megalomaniac.

"Hey yeah, where is Max?" Cameron asked, scratching his head.

"He was with us when he left earlier," Scarlett observed. "Where could he have gone off too?"

"Did somebody say 'evil'?!"

The teens cried out as Max seemingly fell from the sky, landing in the middle of the group. The boy then bounced in place, getting less and less height each time until he finally came to rest. He took in his team's bewildered stares and smirked.

"Sorry I'm late, minions," he said, "I was just up at the junk pile from yesterday gathering supplies to build my latest astounding invention!"

He held up one foot. Attached to it was what appeared to be a tattered ice skate with its blade replaced by mattress springs, a small wooden board duct-taped to the other end of the coils.

"Spring-powered jumping boots?" Cameron asked, sounding simultaneously confused and impressed.

"That's right," Max said. He gave a small hop went five feet into the air. "With these, fruit hiding on even the highest of branches will not be safe from our appetites!"

"Uh, question," Dave said. "Wouldn't it be a lot easier just to pick the apples closer to the ground, like Beardo, Scott and I have been doing for the last fifteen minutes?"

Max scoffed. "You clearly don't get this whole 'evil' thing, do you? Watch and learn!"

With a mighty leap, Max shot several feet into the air, collecting a few apples in the process. He came back down, landing in a low crouch, and bounced even higher, swiftly picking all of the apples in his path as the branches and leaves slapped his skin, adding each fruit to the pile he was holding against his body with one arm. On his third leap he leapt higher still, this time twisting in the air so that he might look down at the astonished faces of his teammates.

"Behold, my henchmen!" He said, striking a triumphant pose as he started to come down again, "this is how a genius picks ap-"

 _Thwack!_

" _Oooooh!_ " The rest of the Extreme Eagles cringed, even as some stepped back to avoid the falling apples. Max, his face frozen in agony, _slowly_ slid off the branch he had landed, where he tumbled the rest of the way down and landed in a crumpled heap.

"Oh, my kiwis…" he groaned, his voice rising several octaves as he clutched the spot between his legs.

Beardo imitated the three-note trumpets of failure, " _Wah-wah-waaaah,_ " as Mike and Scarlett rushed over to help Max to his feet.

"You okay, buddy?" Mike asked, concerned.

"I'll… I'll be fine," Max squeaked, tears leaking from the corners of his eyes. "Note to self: my next invention should be an evil codpiece… ow…"

* * *

 **Confessional Cam: Wait, how can a codpiece be evil? It's not like normal codpieces go around donating to charity or anything.**

 **Dave:** "Okay, I'm starting to think I should move my tent deeper into the woods. The last thing I want is to be anywhere near the cabin when Max decides to build and test a death ray or something."

 **Beardo:** (holds up a photo of Max and spins a finger around his head, making a noise like a cuckoo clock.)

 **Scarlett:** "Max is clearly quite intelligent, and his ability to construct inventions on the fly is impressive, but he's often done in by his own hubris and short-sightedness. If I can just figure out how to point his energy in the proper direction, it could offer our team a serious advantage."

 **Scott:** "Wow, Max really likes his crazy contraptions. I _sure_ hope that if he makes something to help us during the challenges, they won't malfunction and go horribly wrong. That would be just _awful._ " (he chuckles and rubs his palms together.)

* * *

Over the boy's half of the Wild Wolves' cabin, spirits were high as the sweet sound of sizzling bacon and eggs filled the air.

"Toss me another egg, Brick House," Lightning said, standing in the corner of the cabin, holding a frying pan over a hotplate.

True to Chris' word, when the Wild Wolves had returned to their cabin after yesterday's challenge, they had not only found a new hot tub waiting behind their swelling, but each side was now equipped with a cabinet full of cookware and utensils, along with a small counter holding a hotplate and toaster oven, all sitting in one corner. In the other corner sat a mini-fridge and small cabinet, both of which were stocked with a small assortment of groceries. It wasn't enough to feed the appetites of thirteen teenagers for more than a day, but it was certainly better than being forced to forage for their meals.

"Can do, Lightning my man," Brick replied, plucking the last egg from the carton in the tiny refrigerator. "Head's up!"

The egg arced through the air, landing in Lightning's outstretched palm. He used the momentum to crack the egg against the side of the pan, dumping the runny contents into the sizzling pan and tossing the broken shell out the window.

"Sha-bang!" Lightning said, grinning at the sight of the egg white and yolk solidifying. "Man, Chris could give us only food as prizes for the rest of contest and we'd be good to go!"

"You can say that again," Topher said, shoveling another forkful of bacon and eggs into his mouth. "I tell you, Chris knows how to treat the contestants on this show."

"You mean when he's not tormenting us for fun and ratings?" Brick asked as he poured a tall glass of OJ.

"Hey, the man does what he can to give the viewers what they want so we can keep this show going." Topher handed his empty plate to B, who added it to the growing pile of dirty dishes. "Just wait, it's all going to be worth it for the one who walks away from this game with a million big ones."

"Yeah, and _only_ for the winner," Sam said, before turning back towards Leonard, who was resting on the bunk above him. "So you really ended the siege of Kvatch without any of the guards getting killed?"

"That's right," Leonard said with a proud smile. "I take great personal pride in not losing a single companion, no matter how expendable they may be."

Sam nodded, taking a big bite of his egg, bacon and toast sandwich. "So I take it you always play good karma characters."

"It's what I gravitate towards. At worst, I'm an anti-hero."

"See, with games that have a karma system like that, I prefer to play at least three characters: one who's a paragon of virtue, one who's a sort of neutral, and one who's as evil as possible within the game. Helps me explore all the story has to offer, you know? Also means I can get some variety and play as a purely physical fighter, a stealth type, and a magic user. Gonna take a shot in the dark and guess that you prefer mages?"

"Of course!" Leonard sat up, extending his hand in a dramatic fashion. "There's nothing quite like bending the elements themselves to your will, calling forth fire from your palm and shooting lightning from your fingertips!"

"Or controlling your enemy's mind and forcing him to turn on his former allies!"

"Or summoning beasts from the darkest corner of the underworld to fight alongside you!"

Topher leaned over to B and whispered; "You following any of this?"

B held up his hand up flat, the "Eh, kind of," gesture.

"Man, as long as they keep winning us challenges, they can keep up that nerd jibber-jabber all they want," Lightning said, slapping the finished scrambled egg onto the last plate alongside two strips of bacon, a similar plate resting next to it. "Speaking of nonsense, anyone seen Zombie Boy? I made enough for everyone."

"I'll take it to him," Brick offered. He hopped off his bed and grabbed one of the plates before making his way out of the cabin.

"So what do you guys think today's challenge will be?" Topher asked.

Sam shrugged. "Judging by what we know of the show, I think the best we can hope for is something that will only end with moderate injuries and a shred of our dignity intact."

* * *

 **Confessional Cam: Wishful thinking, Sam. Wishful thinking.**

 **Lightning:** "Gotta say, the rest of the guys surprised me yesterday. Silent B and Brick House were good with me on defense, the Wiz gave us the idea for a catapult, Gamer Boy helped us score the winning points, and even Zombie Boy and Chris Jr. proved to be useful. With me around to whip 'em all into shape, the Wolves are gonna go all the way, baby! Sha-zam!"

 **Sam:** "Leonard's a pretty cool guy to talk to. He's played enough fantasy games to make _me_ look like a noob. It's still a little weird how he goes on about magic like it's a real thing, but hey, I'm in _no_ position to judge what's normal."

* * *

Over on the girl's side, Jasmine awoke to the sweet smell of cinnamon. Rubbing her eyes, the Australian girl yawned as she sat up in bed and stretched, taking care not to smack her head on the haphazardly-repaired ceiling. She looked around to see Zoey, Dawn and Amy sitting on their bunks, plates of pancakes in their laps. Samey was nowhere to be seen, and Ella was in the corner, holding a sizzling skillet over the hotplate.

" _Oh, someone's in the kitchen with pancakes,_ " she sang as she poured some thick batter from a large plastic bowel into the skillet, " _someone's in the kitchen I know-o-o-o/someone's in the kitchen with pancakes-_ "

"Playing on an old banjo!" Amy snapped, pouring more syrup on her final pancake. "Yes, we get it! We got it the first ten times you sang it."

"Hey guys," Zoey said, pointing a fork up at Jasmine. "Look who decided to wake up from the dead."

Dawn and Ella looked up at Jasmine and smiled.

"Good morning, Sleeping Beauty," Ella said playfully as she flipped the breakfast cake in the pan. "Glad you finally decided to join us."

""Finally'?" Jasmine repeated, swinging her legs out of bed and hopping to the floor. Dawn nodded.

"We tried several times to wake you," she said, "but you're quiet the sound sleeper."

Jasmine chuckled, rubbing the back of her head. "Yeah, guess I am. My mum says that during a camping trip when I was little, dingoes howling kept the whole family up all night while I just slept like a rock. Wha'cha making there, Ella?"

"Just some of my world famous cinnamon pancakes," the princess replied, sliding the last pancake onto a plate that held two, sitting next to two other stacks of three. "I saved some for you and Samey."

"Much obliged," Jasmine said, picking up a platter of hotcakes. "Speaking of which, where is the shelia?"

"Oh, the poor dear was still feeling sore from yesterday," Dawn explained, "so she went out for an early-morning soak in the hot tub."

"After what she went through, I'm not surprised," Zoey noted.

Ella nodded, picking up one of the last plates. "Would anyone like to bring her breakfast to her?"

Amy set her empty plate aside, raising a hand as she dabbed her mouth with a napkin. "I'll do it," she said.

Ella handed her the plate, keeping the last one for herself. The cheerleader smirked as she walked out the door and started to walk down the steps. With an exaggerated yelp of surprise Amy pitched herself forward, landing hard on her hands and knees, the plate and pancakes slapping down on the grass in front of her.

"Ow!" Amy cried, shutting her eyes and masking her cruel grin with a look of pain as she heard footsteps running up behind her.

"Are you okay?" Zoey asked as she and Jasmine pulled Amy to her feet.

"Yeah, I just tripped," Amy said, leaning down to rub one knee with a loud wince. She opened her eyes and frowned at the spilled breakfast in front of her. "Aw, I dropped Samey's pancakes."

"Well, ain't that a kick in the teeth," Jasmine said, shaking her head. She glanced over to Ella and Dawn, who were poking their heads out of the doorway. "Don't suppose you could whip us up a few more, Ella?"

The princess shook her head, looking sad. "Sorry, but I used up all the milk and flour we had to make just enough for all of us."

Dawn glanced down at the one-and-a-half pancake left on her plate and shrugged. "I've got some left, so I'll share with her."

The moonchild walked down the step, casting a sidelong glance at Amy as she did so. The cheerleader snarled as she watched Dawn disappear around the cabin.

"You know what?" She heard Ella say. "I think I'll share as well."

Amy gaped, and felt Zoey let go of her arm. "Me too," she said.

"The lass certainly earned it," Jasmine remarked, also letting go.

Amy watched, flabbergasted as the other girls gathered their plates with varying heights of pancakes and followed Dawn, leaving the blond twin alone. She looked to the pancakes in the dirt, snarled and kicked one of them so hard that it flew all the way to the lake.

* * *

 **Confessional Cam: Hey! What did those pancakes ever do to you?!**

 **Amy:** "What is that hippie's deal? Not only is she treating Samey like a human being, but then she looks at me like _I'm_ the bad guy?! She's up to something, I just know it!"

 **Dawn:** "I can't shake this bad feeling I have about Amy. Negative energy just seems to pour off of her like a frigid tidal wave…"

 **Zoey:** "Truth be told, I kind of didn't want to give up my last pancake, but I felt bad for Samey. But those are _really_ good pancakes. And get this: when Ella was getting ready to make breakfast, she started singing, and these birds just flew through the window and helped her cook! I swear to God, they were grabbing her ingredients, getting out the pan and bowl, everything! I'm telling you, that is a _legitimate_ superpower."

 **Ella:** (giggles, with a blue jay perched on an outstretched finger) "What can I say? I have a way with animals." (she whistles a brief tune, which the bird copies perfectly.)

* * *

Dawn stepped around the crushed soda cans and discarded candy wrappers as she made her way to the hot tub, making a mental note to pick the trash up later. The events of last night were still fresh in her mind: the Wolves had returned to their cabin to find a bubbling pool installed in the rear, and a nice selection of foodstuffs in each half the cabin. The team had spent hours relaxing in their new hot tub, celebrating their victory in yesterday's challenge. Brick had challenged Lightning to a soda-chugging contest, Shawn struck up a conversation with Jasmine about the finer points of wilderness survival, Dawn had conversed with Leonard and Sam about fantasy literature, and Zoey had shared beauty tips with a bored-looking Amy.

Samey was the only one who didn't get involved with the festivities, even when some of the others tried to draw her in. She spent most of the night looking the same way she did now: tucked away into one corner of the tub, head down, eyes closed, shoulders hunched, up to her neck in the bubbling water. So absorbed in her withdrawn world Samey was that she didn't even noticed Dawn's approach until she spoke.

"Um, Samey?" Dawn asked, and the twin jumped with a yelp.

"Wha?! Huh?" She blinked, then noticed Dawn and gave her a small smile. "Oh, hey Dawn." She noticed the others falling in behind her, and raised an eyebrow. "Uh, what's going?"

"Ella made pancakes," Zoey explained, gesturing to the smiling girl in pink. "We kind of dropped yours though, so we thought we'd share ours."

The four girls held out their plates, the sweet smell of cinnamon wafting into Samey's nose. She stared at the offerings like her team was offering her the keys to the lost kingdom of Atlantis.

"You guys…" she said, stunned. "You didn't have to do that for me."

"I made the pancakes for _everyone_ , including you," Ella said, leaning against the hot tub.

"Besides, after what you did for the team yesterday," Jasmine added, "I think you've more than earned these."

For a brief moment, Jasmine saw a flash of pain in the shorter girl's eyes. But then she shut her eyes tight, and when she opened her eyes it was gone.

"Thanks, guys," she said with a smike, pulling her hand from the water to grab the fork from Ella's plate, tearing off a piece of pancake and popping it into her mouth. "Mmm!" Her eyes went wide, and her smile grew to a grin. "Okay, this is _delicious!_ These are cinnamon pancakes?"

"It's a family recipe," Ella said with just a touch of pride of her voice. "Passed down for four generations. You like them?"

"They just might be the best freakin' pancakes I've ever had."

Jasmine took a bite of her own pancakes and beamed. "You can say that again," she said, digging in. "So, what do you guys think the second challenge will be?"

"Well, yesterday was a different take on TDI's first challenge," Dawn said. "Maybe now we'll have to do a new version of the Awake-A-Thon?"

"Oh God I hope not," Zoey said, shaking her head. "I could never stay awake for that many days! I don't know how Gwen and Duncan managed to do it without keeling over."

"Well Duncan did eventually," Samey said with a smirk, "sitting on the can, remember?"

The girls shared a laugh at that, which continued until they heard someone calling out.

"Shawn! Where are you, bro?"

The five looked over to see Brick wander around the other side of the cabin, a plate of bacon and eggs in hand. He saw the women near and in the hot tub and waved.

"Morning, ladies," he said, jogging over to them. "Any of you seen Shawn anywhere? I've got his breakfast."

"He's not over on your side?" Zoey asked, raising an eyebrow. Brick shook his head.

"He said something about sleeping in the trees to hide from the shufflers, whatever that means."

"'Shufflers'?" Jasmine repeated, now confused herself. "What the bloody hell are those?"

"Zombies!" A new voice called out.

Startled, the six looked up towards the source of the exclamation. Shawn sat on a branch high up in a tree beside the cabin, leaning up against the trunk with one leg tied to the branch.

"You know, the undead," Shawn said as he undid the knot securing the rope around his shin. "Ghouls, geeks, freaks, shamblers, walkers, infected, rotters, moaners, biters, maulers, exes… they go by many names, but they all follow the same basic rules: they can only be killed by removing the head or destroying the brain, they're all dumber than a bucket of doorknobs, and – here's the important part in this case – they don't have the motor skills to do things like climb a tree."

Shawn finished untying the rope and deftly hopped down from branch to branch as he continued his monologue. "Yep, I've been training myself to sleep in trees in case I need to hide up here from zombies overnight. Been doing it for about a month now, and the only things that have bitten me are spiders, mosquitoes, and the occasional rogue squirr- _aah!_ "

One of the branches he landed on snapped beneath his weight, and Shawn screamed as he fell. So did the rest of his team.

All except for Jasmine, who reacted instantly. She shoved her plate into Dawn's hands and shot forward, arms outstretched, making it just in time to catch Shawn before he could painfully hit the ground.

"Whoa!" he gasped, realizing that he had landed in a soft pair of arms instead of on the hard forest floor. He looked up to see Jasmine staring down at him, concern and annoyance in her soft features. "Uh, thanks Jasmine. Guess my descending still needs a little work."

She smiled at him and set him down. "No problem, mate. Just be more careful next time." She looked over to the broken branch that had landed nearby, and picked it up to examine. "Well, here's your problem: this branch was way too thin. If you're going to use a branch to support your weight, look for one about twenty centimeters in diameter."

"Oh yeah, I remember now," he said, looking closely at the branch himself. "About as thick as your forearm is the rule of thumb, right?"

"That's right." She took in Shawn's gangly appendages and chuckled. "In your case though, you might wanna use your whole torso as the base."

Shawn held his noodle arm out, letting his forearm hang down and swing back and forth like a pendulum. He laughed. "You may have a point there."

* * *

 **Confessional Cam: Well, at least he didn't land in her boobs this time.**

 **Jasmine:** "Okay, I think me and Shawn got off to a bad start yesterday. He's quite the outdoorsman, and he's funny to boot. I mean, zombies?" (she giggles and snorts a little.)

 **Shawn:** "I'm glad Jasmine's forgiven me for, you know, accidently falling through the roof and landing on her… chest. She knows a lot about surviving in the wild, and seems like she can handle herself in a scrap. Pretty good odds for the surviving the zombie apocalypse with skills like that."

 **Samey:** "I can't believe the others were being so… nice to me. I've never had anyone be that nice to me before. (gives a small smile) I… I kind of like it."

* * *

As Shawn accepted his breakfast from Brick, the intercom system crackled to life.

"Good morning, campers!" The always-enthusiastic Chris proclaimed. "Time for another day of pain and humiliation for the amusement of myself and the viewers! Meet me down at the beach in twenty for your second challenge!"

The twenty-five teens quickly finished their breakfast and made their way to the beach near the campground. There they discovered two sets of stands had been erected, speakers lined at the top and a large flat-screen TV standing between them. Beside the TV sat a podium lined with buttons and switches and two decks of cards, one black and one white. Behind the podium stood Chris, who was talking to a disturbed-looking Chef Hatchet.

"… some sort of transsexual Taiwanese hooker," the group heard Chris say as they approached. "And that's why I'm not allowed back in Finland." He looked over at the contestants and beamed at them. "Hello, children! Welcome to the second challenge of Total Drama Bonanza! Eagles, please be seated to my left, Wolves to my right."

He waited until the two teams had taken their seats before continuing. "Today's challenge is a game that, as teenagers, you should all be familiar with: truth or dare!"

Chris pressed a button on the podium and the television flickered to life, divided into two sections. The left half flickered rapidly between the faces of all of the campers, while the right half switched between pictures of a halo and a burning fire. "We will alternate between teams each turn, with one randomly selected player performing a dare or answering a personal and most-likely embarrassing question. Succeed in the dare or tell the truth, you earn a point for your team! First team to fifteen wins the challenge."

"Wait, how will you know if we're lying?" Sky asked.

In response Chris pressed another button. A small compartment slid open on the counter in front of Sky, and out rose a small circular steel ring, attached to a metal base. "These special Truth Bands are designed to monitor your heartrate and blood pressure when worn, allowing us to tell if you're lying or not. Speaking of which, if you fail a dare or lie, not only do you _not_ get a point, but your whole team gets a mild electrical shock."

Everyone gasped in fear, and Chris chuckled. "Relax, scaredy-cats. We tested these things earlier to make sure they were safe."

* * *

 **Earlier…**

"Um Mr. McLean, are you _sure_ these things are safe?" a nervous-looking intern asked, wearing a Truth Bands as he sat at one of the seats on the bleachers, the sun barely poking over the horizon.

"Of course not," Chris said as though it were obvious, standing nearby with a clipboard in hand, "that's why we're _testing_ them first! Now go ahead and tell a lie."

"Okay. Uh… I'm a seven-year-old blond girl named Sandy who can breathe fire and-"

A buzzer on the podium sounded, and the murky dawn briefly became as bright as day.

Chris threw up his arms to shield his eyes from the raging ball of light and energy the screaming intern had become, the electricity crackling as thousands volts coursed through him with an audible hum.

This went on for a few seconds until the flow of power finally stopped. It was a few seconds more before Chris lowered his arms. He was greeted by the sight of the intern slumped back in his seat, his entire body charred, limbs twitching, trails of smoke drifting from his singed clothes. Sparking sounds echoed with even the slightest movement, and a scent like burnt barbeque filled the air.

"Yeesh," Chris said, making a note on his clipboard. "Maybe turn the voltage down _just_ a tad."

* * *

 **And Back in the Present…**

"Now then," Chris went on, "since the Extreme Eagles lost yesterday, their team gets to go first in what I like to call 'Truth Aches and Dare Scares'!"

He pressed a button on his podium. On the TV, the flickering images came to a halt, settling on a picture of Sky next to a fire.

"Kicking things off is newly-appointed Eagles leader Sky performing a dare! Come on down, captain!"

Sky gulped and slowly made her way down from the bleachers, exchanging concerned glances with her team on the way. She stood in the sand in front of Chris, who drew the top card from the black deck.

"Sky," he said, reading, "to earn the first point for your team, you must chug… an entire two-liter bottle of soda!"

Chef held a large bottle of bubbling green liquid. Sky sighed in relief.

"That's all?" She asked, taking the bottle. "For a second I thought I was going to have to drink something gross like expired milk or toilet water."

"Not this time, it would seem," Chris said, pressing another button. A timer set at 0:30 appeared on the screen. "You have thirty seconds to down the entire bottle and earn a point. Ready… go!"

The countdown began and Sky twisted the cap off, throwing it to the side as she brought the bottle to her lips. She held the plastic container almost straight up as she tilted her head back, the soda sloshing inside as she gulped it down as fast as possible.

"You can do it, Sky!" Jo called out. "Chug! Chug! Chug!"

The entire team quickly joined in on the cheering, loudly chanting "Chug! Chug! Chug!" as Sky lowered the bottle for a second to take several rapid breaths before going right back to drinking, tears leaking from the corners of her closed eyes.

"Seven! Six!" Chris narrated as the clock wound down. "Five! Four! Three! Two!"

"Done!" Sky said, throwing the empty bottle down on the sand as she gasped for breath. The sound of a bell ringing echoed from the speakers, and the Eagles cheered.

"Sky earns the first point for the Extreme Eagles!" Chris said as the woozy-looking gymnast made her way back to her seat, exchanging high fives and fist bumps along the way.

"Nice job, Sky," Cameron said as she sat down beside him. He frowned at the sight of her pallid features. "Uh, are you okay?"

Sky groaned, a hand over her stomach as it grumbled and gurgled. "I've-" she paused to let out a loud belch, "never drank that much pop that fast. I don't feel too good…"

"And now, we go to the Wild Wolves!" Chris said as Cameron rubbed Sky's back. He pressed the button, and watched the screen flicker and flash until it settled on two pictures. "Opening for them is Brick doing a dare of his own!"

"All right!" Brick cheered, throwing two fists in the air. From his spot at the bottom of the bleachers he vaulted over the counter and swaggered up to the host. "A soldier like me can handle anything! Hit me with your best shot, McLean!"

Chris chuckled maniacally. "Okay, you asked for it." He drew another black card. "Brick. Your dare is… to dump an entire tray of ice cubes down the front of your shorts and underwear, and hold them there for thirty seconds."

Chef held up a tray of gleaming ice cubes to the cadet, who took them with a perplexed look.

"O-kay. Never really had ice in my pants, so I'm not sure how to feel about this," he said, and shrugged. "Guess I'll find out."

With one hand Brick pulled the waistbands at the front of his jeans and underwear out. With the other he gripped the ice cube tray and pressed the other end against his abs, bending it upwards, the frozen squares breaking free and tumbling into his pants.

Brick's eyes shot open, his pupils shrinking as he dropped the empty tray and clutched the bulge in his pants with both hands. (Giggety.)" _Oh sweet mother of Patton that's cold!_ " He screamed, his voice rising dangerously close to a pitch that only dogs would be able to hear.

"You can do this, Brick!" Jasmine said as the timer appeared on the screen. "Remember, it's only thirty seconds."

"Just think _warm_ thoughts," Sam called out. "Think of a beach on a bright, sunny summer day."

"Or a tray of chocolate chip cookies, fresh from the oven," Ella offered.

"Or the inside of a tanning bed," Dakota added.

"Or the volcanic lair of Malwrath the Infernal!" Leonard threw in.

It was, without a doubt, the longest thirty seconds of Brick's life. After five seconds, his legs grew weak and he dropped to his knees. After ten seconds, he lost all sensations in his nether regions. After fifteen seconds, his teeth started to chatter. After twenty seconds, his skin took on a bluish tint. After twenty-five seconds, not even imagining himself on the surface of the sun could alleviate the biting cold that seemed to sink into his very bones.

"Five, four, three, two, one," Chris said as the clock hit zero, signified with another bell ring. "And that's a point for the Wild Wolves! Brick, you can-"

"Oh thank merciful God!" The boy screamed, pulling open the bottom hem of the right leg of his shorts, letting the partially-melted ice cubs fall out. Chris grimaced and pushed the ice away with his foot while Brick climbed to his feet and slowly shuffled back to his seat, his team congratulating him along the way.

"Nice work, Brick House," Lightning said as Brick sat next to him, still holding his crotch. "How you holding up?"

Brick moaned, shaking like a leaf in a windstorm. "I-I-I th-think my t-testicles shot b-b-back up into my b-bo-body," he managed to say. "I-it's like r-r-r-reverse p-puberty over h-here…"

"And with that, the score is tied one to one!" Chris said with a grand gesture to the camera. "What other gross, painful and dangerous dares will the campers have to endure next? And what humiliating truths with they be forced to reveal to the entire viewing world? Find out when we return to Total! Drama! Bonanza!

* * *

 **End of Day Two, Part One**

Part one comes to a close, with two campers already suffering at the hands of Chris and his twisted game of truth or dare. Which team will come out on top, and which member of the losing team will be sent home? The answers await in chapter five!

Also, writing Chris's recap made me wish I had named the Extreme Eagles the Mighty Moose instead. Oh well, hindsight is a bitch like that.

See you all next time!

StoryCrafter12


	5. Day 2 Part 2: You Can't Handle the Truth

**Total Drama Bonanza**

 **A Total Drama** **Fanfiction by StoryCrafter12**

 **Disclaimer:** This is a non-profit fanfiction. Total Drama and all of its characters are property of Teletoon and Fresh TV. Please support the official release.

 **Warning:** This story is rated T for teen. It contains mild danger, language, brief nudity, and some crude humor and sexual elements. To be fair, though, these _are_ teenagers I'm writing about.

 **Author's Note:** And here's chapter five! Sorry it took so long, but I'm trying to give you guys longer chapters, which unfortunately take me a while to write.

But it's here now! Be prepared for laser sharks (something the actual episode "Truth or Laser Shark" was severely lacking in), ship teases that are about as subtle as a power drill to the face, and a thorough discussion of that delicious hunk of man-meat known as Christian Bale!

* * *

 **Day Two, Part Two: You Can't Handle the Truth**

"Welcome back to Total Drama Bonanza!" Chris proclaimed, standing at his podium between the Extreme Eagles and Wild Wolves. "The challenge today is a twisted display of Truth or Dare as only Total Drama can truly deliver. The score is tied one-to-one, and up next for the Eagles…"

He pressed the selection button, and the TV screen beside him cycled between contestants and the truth/dare symbols until it stopped.

"… is Cameron, telling a truth!"

Cameron, who had been rubbing Sky's back to alleviate her ailing stomach, perked up at the sound of his own name. "Me?"

"That's right." Chris nodded as a Truth Band rose up from the tabletop in front of Cameron, the metal ring split in half at the top. "Place your wrist into the Truth Band, if you would."

The bubble boy did so, flinching as the ring clamped around his wrist, the familiar thirty-second timer popping up on the TV.

Chris drew a card from the white deck. "Okay, to earn a point, truthfully answer the following question: where do you dream of losing your virginity, _or,_ if you already have lost your virginity, where did it happen?"

Cameron's eyes widened, a heavy blush settling over his cheeks. "What?! What kind of question is that?"

"The kind designed to make you feel as awkward and uncomfortable as possible," Chris answered bluntly.

"Was the second part of that question really necessary?" Scott asked with a cruel smirk. "I mean, come on: it's _Cameron_."

Chris and Scott shared a laugh, and Cameron's blush deepened as the boy's shoulders hunched as high as they would go, like a turtle trying to pull into its shell.

"You've got thirty seconds to spill the beans, kid," Chris said as the countdown began. Cameron bit his bottom lip, sweat forming on his brow as everyone present stared at him.

"Um, well…" he said, fidgeting in his seat, "I wouldn't be _too_ picky about where it happens, but… I guess I always imagined making love for the first time on a beach at sunset."

There was a brief moment of silence as the timer stopped, then was replaced by a green checkmark as a bell sounded.

"He speaks the truth!" Chris said, and Cameron sighed in relief as the Truth Band released his wrist. "Another point for the Eagles!"

"Aw, I didn't know you were such a romantic, Cam," Dakota gushed.

"Never knew you had it in you, short stuff," Anne Maria commented.

"Yeah, well… It's probably never gonna happen," Cameron admitted, still blushing furiously.

"On the extremely slim chance that it does, just remember to lay a big towel down," Chris said, looking uncharacteristically stern, "or you will get sand in some _very_ uncomfortable places. Also make sure it's a private beach, because the police take public indecency laws pretty seriously."

"Speaking from experience, Chris?" Topher asked, looking interested. "Do tell!"

"Sorry, but what happens in Finland stays in Finland."

"Look, can we please just drop it?" Cameron said suddenly, throwing his arms up. "It's nothing but a stupid fantasy that will never happen in a million billion years."

"Well if it ever does, I'm sure it will be the best thirty seconds of your life," Jo said mockingly, earning a laugh from several of the more crass contestants.

Cameron groaned, planting his face on the counter in front of him as he covered his head with his arms. "I think I'm going to die of embarrassment."

He felt a hand fall in his shoulder, and looked up to see Sky giving him a weak smile.

"I think it's a nice dream," she said, and Cameron found himself smiling in spite of his indignity.

"Okay, as fun as it is to laugh at Cameron's humiliation, it's time to move on," Chris said, and pressed the button to choose the game's next victim. "Up to bat for the Wolves, we have Dawn performing a dare!"

Dawn made her way down from the bleachers to stand in front of Chris, who drew a black card from the deck.

"Dawn, your challenge is to balance an egg on the top of your head…"

 _Oh, that doesn't sound so bad,_ Dawn thought with a smile, thinking that she wouldn't be tempting fate as long as she didn't say the words out loud.

"While you yourself balance on a wooden post as Chef throws rotten produce at you!"

Dawn's smile dropped. _Yeah, I shouldn't have even tried._

Chef approached, pushing a cart of moldy fruits and vegetables (from his own kitchen, or course) with a long two-by-four laid out on top. Ignoring Dave's cry of "Where are you _keeping_ this stuff?" Chef hammered the post halfway into the sand and waited for Dawn to balance herself on one foot atop the board before he handed her an egg from his pocket.

"Just like the other dares, you must balance for thirty seconds," Chris said as Dawn gently rested the egg on her golden locks. Chuckling manically, Chef made his way back to the cart while the host pulled the timer up. "If you fall or drop the egg, you lose. Are you ready?"

Dawn wobbled on the board, arms waving as she struggled to stay balanced. "Well," she said, "if I could have just a minute to find my center-"

"Go!"

Chef cackled and plucked a rotten apple at Dawn. The moonchild cried out and twisted her body, the fruit whizzing past her as she flailed her arms, the egg rolling in her hair.

"You can do it, Dawn!" Shawn said.

Dawn rotated to the right, a mushy peach grazing her skirt.

"W-w-we believe in you," Brick managed to say through his chattering teeth.

Dawn ducked her head, a fuzzy carrot spearing the air where her face would have been a second later.

"Use your hippie magic!" Lightning shouted.

"Yah!" Dawn screamed, pivoting to the left to avoid a foul cantaloupe, arms pin-wheeling, the egg coming dangerously close to tumbling off the back of her head. The Wild Wolves gasped.

"Not when we're so close!" Amy cried, his eyes glued to the timer with only ten seconds to go.

Ella bit her lip, then gasped as an idea popped into her head.

"Dawn!" She shouted as Chef grinned and hurled a rotten watermelon. "Pretend there's a baby chick in that egg!"

Dawn's eye went wide, then narrowed as she went as still as a statue. She caught the melon a second before it would have smacked into her chest, twirling gracefully on the post and tossing the spoiled fruit back at Chef. The burly cook's smile fell in a heartbeat, his eyes widened, and he had just enough time to utter, "Oh, shi-"

 _Smack!_

The melon shattered on his head, foul-smelling rind and fruit flying everywhere, rancid juice splattering Chef's face and neck. The force of the impact sent Chef tumbling back into the cart of rotting fruit, and the force of _that_ impact sent the cart rolling down the sand and up to the lake where the wheels caught on a large rock, dumping the screaming Chef and its gross contents into the water.

A stunned silence settled over the assembled teens, broken only by the ding of the victory bell.

"Dawn earns the second point for the Wild Wolves!" Chris said, the team in question cheering at the announcement. "And in an _awesome_ way, I might add! I am seriously tempted to give out bonus points for that display."

"Really?" Samey asked, hopeful.

"Of course not! It was still awesome though."

* * *

 **Confessional Cam: Chris being generous is like Max going five minutes without reminding us how EVIL he is – never gonna happen.**

 **B:** (stares into the camera, eyes wide with astonishment, and mouths the word, "Wow.")

 **Dawn:** "As a pacifist, I feel a little bad about what happened to Chef. I really didn't mean for all of that to happen, but I guess the tai-chi I practice as a form of meditation has given me some unexpected skills."

 **Ella:** "I had a feeling Dawn would react like that if she even suspected an animal was in danger. I sense a real kindred spirit with her."

 **Chef:** (is glaring at the camera while soaking wet, with chunks of rotten fruits and vegetables clinging to his clothes and flies buzzing around him) "That hippie just made Chef's **(bleep)** -list."

* * *

Dawn hopped down from the board and returned the egg to Chris, who chose who would be next victim as Dawn went to sit with her team. "Up next is Rodney," he said, "doing a dare."

Rodney gulped and stepped down onto the sands while Chris drew a black card. "For his dare, Rodney must… eat this wasabi!"

Chef, who had made his way back up from the lake, shot a glare at Dawn as he held out a plate of green much, the small mound about the size of a ping-pong ball. Several of the teenagers gasped, but Rodney just smirked.

"Is that all?" he asked. He then plucked the green ball from the plate and popped it into his mouth before Chris could even pull the timer up. Everyone, including the host, gaped at Rodney as he chewed and swallowed.

"Well, it looks like Rodney earns a point for the Eagles," Chris said, chuckling as the country boy beamed at him. "Oh, this ought to be good."

"Sorry Chris, but you're losing your touch if you thought I'd be scared of a little 'wa-so-bee,' whatever that is," Rodney said, his smile drooping slightly as his cheeks turned rosy. "Is it getting warm out here, or is it just me?"

Mike spoke up as Rodney pulled his shirt collar out, fanning himself with the other hand. "Um, Chris? Maybe you should get him some water?"

Jasmine shook her head. "Water is just a temporary fix, unless you drink a _lot_ of it. What the bloke really needs is milk."

"Milk?" Zoey asked, perplexed.

"Seriously, it's getting kind of hot out here," Rodney remarked as beads of sweat started to form on his brow.

"You always want to go for dairy when you've eaten something really spicy," Jasmine explained, "because the milk reacts with the chemicals in the spices to cancel out the burning sensation."

"Yeah, but does Chef even _have_ any milk that didn't go bad when we were all in elementary school?" Sam asked with a chuckle as Rodney's entire face turned red.

"Whoa, _whoa! Hot!_ " Rodney screamed, running in circles as the full effects the wasabi paste hit home. " _Hot hot hot hot hot hot hot hot HOT!_ "

Still screaming his head off (with Chris literally rolling in the sand laughing uproariously in the background) Rodney made a beeline straight for the lake. He dropped to his knees and frantically scooped several handfuls of water into his mouth, before settling for just dunking his entire head in the lake. He held it there for a few seconds, taking a dozen giant gulps before emerging, relief in his features.

"Ah, much better," he said, walking back to the Extreme Eagle's bleachers. He noticed the stares of his fellow campers and frowned. "What? Is there something on my face?"

Shawn was the first to speak up. "Uh, yeah. You've got a little… something…"

He gestured vaguely around his mouth and nose. Rodney reached up and felt the twin leeches clinging to the space between his upper lip and nose, hanging down like a slimy handlebar mustache.

"Oh, would you look at that," he said mildly. "Hey Chris, would you mind if I go take care of this?"

"Sorry Rod, but we've gotta get a move on," Chris said, and pressed the button to choose the next contestant. "Looks like B is up next for the Wild Wolves, and he'll be revealing a truth."

B shrugged, looking unconcerned as he held out his hand and the Truth Band rose up to clamp around his wrist. Chris drew a white card, and his grin got wider.

"Oh, look at this!" He declared. "We've got our first wild card of the game!"

"A wild card?" Scarlett asked, blinking.

"I threw a few special cards like these into the decks to keep the game interesting," Chris explained. "Basically, a wild card lets the last person who went – Rodney in this case – make up the question or dare for the current contestant, after getting my approval of course."

"Wait," Rodney interjected, "does this mean I can ask B anything, and he has to tell the truth?"

"If he wants the point for his team, yes."

"Hmm…" Rodney pursed his lips, stroking one of the leeches thoughtfully as he stared at the silent boy. He grinned as the idea hit him. "Alright then, just what _does_ the B stand for?"

Chris watched B's eyes go wide, and he grinned as well.

"That works," he said, pulling up the countdown timer. "Thirty seconds to tell us your real name, bro."

B flinched as everyone turned to stare at him. He shrank under their collective gazes, watching the seconds tick by on the screen, before giving a heavy sigh. He reached down to tap Sam's shoulder.

"What's that?" Sam asked. The larger boy held out his free hand as though he were holding a pen or pencil. "Something to write with? Uh, I've got my 3DS…"

B nodded, and Sam handed him the gaming device. He turned it on, opened the drawing application and wrote something down before passing it back to Sam. The gamer read the bottom screen, and had to choke back a laugh.

"His name's Beverly!" Sam announced, holding up the 3DS for all to see. There was a moment of silence, and the green checkmark popped onto screen with a 'ding!'

"Another point for the Wolves!" Chris announced, grinning at the embarrassed black teenager. "Way to bite the bullet, _Beverly_."

Just about everyone present had a good laugh at B's expense, who buried his face in his hands the second the Truth Band released his wrist.

"I think it's a lovely name," Dawn said, offering B a kind smile. He looked down at her for a moment before smiling back.

"And back over to the Eagles we go," Chris said as he selected the next contestant to go. "Still anyone's game at this point."

The TV selected Scott to perform a dare. The devious boy sighed and stepped onto the beach as Chris drew a back card.

"Scott," he said as he read, "for your dare, you must walk across a wooden beam over a tank of water!"

Scott arced an eyebrow as Chef walked off, returning a few minutes later driving a large flatbed truck with a massive rectangular pool resting in the bed, a steel rung ladder imbedded in the side and a board just a few inches wide stretched length-wise across the crystal clear water.

"That sounds… unusually tame," Scott said, narrowing his eyes at Chris. "What's the catch?"

"No catch!" Chris said with his trademarked wicked grin. "All you have to do is not fall into the pool…"

A triangular fin broke the surface of the water, and Scott jumped back with a scream of terror.

"… which happens to hold a giant shark, whom we call Fang," Chris finished with a cackle.

"Are you out of your **(bleep)** ing mind?!" Scott screamed at the host. "Just go ahead and shock my team now, 'cause there's no way in _hell_ I'm doing this!"

"Excuse me?!" Jo demanded, glaring at Scott. "We're not losing this challenge because you're scared of a little fish!"

"A _little fish?_ Did you not hear him? That's a goddamned _shark!_ "

Beardo grinned and began to perfectly mimic the (in)famous orchestral theme from _Jaws_.

"Shut up, Beardo!" Scott snapped, making the larger teenager flinch and shrink back in his seat. "I'm not gonna risk getting eaten for one lousy point!"

"Relax, Scotty-boy," Chris interrupted, earning a glare from Scott. "We just fed Fang a half hour ago, so he's not hungry enough to actually bite. Chef, if you would?"

The burly cook hopped out of the cab and climbed the ladder up to the lip of the pool, where he took a deep breath and stuck his arm in the water up to the elbow. The dorsal fin turned and moved towards him. Chef flinched as Fang brushed against his hand, but wasn't pulled screaming into the tank in a burst of red as Scott expected. The fin moved away, and Chef sighed in relief as he climbed back down.

"So, it's really safe?" Scott asked, still sounding skeptical.

"Yep!" Chris said, slapping a hand on his shoulder. "So even if you do fall in, you're in no danger of being eaten. Still wanna pass?"

Scott bit his lip and glanced back at his team. Anne Maria and Max were glaring, Jo was snarling and smacking her palm with a fist, and everyone else was giving him hopeful looks.

* * *

 **Confessional Cam: There is a creature alive today that has survived billions of years of evolution…**

 **Scott:** "Well, this is a bit of a problem. My whole strategy revolves around my team losing, but that's not gonna work if _I'm_ responsible for our loss! There's gotta be a way to get someone else to drop the ball during this challenge… but until then, it looks like I don't have a choice. Besides, they _did_ feed the shark, so it's safe… Right?"

* * *

Scott exhaled sharply. "Okay, guess I'm going for it."

"Good man," Chris said, returning to his podium and pulling up the timer. "Thirty seconds to cross the tank, timer starts when you step onto the board."

Scott approached the truck and climbed up the ladder. From the top he could see the entire shark, a massive light-grey beast at least ten feet long, shaped like a torpedo, gliding silently beneath the shimmering waves. Its solid black eyes seemed to stare into Scott's soul as he took a deep breath and hauled himself onto the board, resting on his knees with his feet dangling off.

"Ready?" Chris asked. Scott gave a curt nod and stood up on the bridge, and Chris started the countdown. "Go!"

Scott held out his arms for balance as he took his first tentative steps across the board, both teams watching him intently. The wood creaked and groaned beneath his feet, and Scott flinched each time Fang passed beneath him, but he was nonetheless able to keep walking.

"You've got this in the bag, Scott," Sky called, then hunched over as her still-upset stomach lurched. "Just try not to look down and you'll be fine."

"Right, don't look down," Scott repeated, his heart hammering in his chest as he stared straight ahead, focusing all of his attention on the end of the bridge, "Don't look down at the two-ton killing machine with hundreds of razor-sharp teeth that could rip my limbs off like they were made of paper…"

There was a splash from below, and Scott froze with a high-pitched squeak. He looked down to see Fang breach the water's surface just a few feet away, its angular head rising up from the waves, a mad gleam in its eyes. From this close, Scott could see the steel ring wrapped around the shark's head and the thin metal tube mounted on top, the end pointed at Scott glowing a bright red.

"What the-" was all Scott had time to say before a beam of red energy shot through the air, grazing his arm. The boy cried out in pain and stumbled backwards, eyes darting between the descending shark and the burning scorch mark on his left bicep. "What the hell was that?!"

Scott wasn't the only one that was surprised.

"Was that a laser beam?" An astonished Cameron asked.

"Indeed it was, Cam my man," Chris said, laughing as the shark surfaced and fired another blast at Scott, who screamed and fell backwards onto his ass, narrowly avoiding the shot.

"Chris, you asshole!" Scott screamed as he started crawling forward as fast as he could, eyes glued to the circling shark below. "I thought you said there was no danger?!"

"I said there was no danger of being _eaten_ ," Chris clarified. "I didn't say anything about you being safe from laser beam blasts."

"But… but that makes zero sense!" Dave interjected, making Chris jump. "This is just a reality TV show, how the heck did you get access to that sort of technology? And how did you teach a shark to fire a laser in the first place?!"

Chris scowled at him as Scott flattened himself against the board, a laser blast singeing his hair. "Okay, will you _please_ stop pointing out the improbabilities of things that happen in this show? It's already getting old."

Scott screamed as Fang surfaced and fired again. This time, however, the beam missed Scott completely, instead hitting the board directly in front of him, burning the wood and causing it to crack.

"Seriously?!" Scott screeched as the board splintered and snapped, dropping dangerously close to the water line. He looked back to see the shark circling back around, its head rising from water once more, the laser charging for another blast, its mouth open in that crazed grin unique to sharks. Scott grimaced and turned back around, the end of the bridge just a few feet away.

Scott quickly climbed to his feet, the damaged board sagging further down. With a cry of desperate determination, Scott leapt for the edge of the pool as the wood snapped and fell into the water with a splash. The boy flew through the air...

 _Clang!_

And smacked against the edge of the pool, his upper body dangling in the air as his legs dipped into the water. Scott groaned as a searing pain shot through his midsection, then yelped as a laser beam scored a direct hit on his rear end, causing him to flail and fall forwards, landing in a tangled heap in the sand below.

"Well, looks like Scott gives the Eagles their first loss," Chris remarked as the boy picked himself up, clutching his stomach.

"Excuse me?!" Scott demanded, throwing a hand up at the pool. "I crossed the bridge just like I was supposed to!"

"Yes, but you'll recall that the conditions of the challenge were to cross the pool _without_ falling into water." He pointed to Scott's shoes and the bottom of his jeans, both of which were soaked. "And you're looking a little wet over there."

"You mean I was just risked my life and got shot at by a shark for nothing?!"

Chris shrugged, grinning at the boy's fury. "Pretty much. Oh, and since you failed the dare…"

His fist slammed down on a yellow button that had, until now, remained untouched. There was a snap of power as a circuit connected, and the eleven Extreme Eagles still sitting on the bleachers cried out as jolts of electricity coursed through them through the metal seats. Chris cackled at the sounds of their screams, shutting the electricity off after a few seconds.

Sky groaned as she clutched her stomach, the edges of her clothing singed slightly. "Okay," she said, "that _really_ didn't help my stomach…"

"Oh, I'm starting to wish I had worn my rubber underwear today," Cameron moaned.

"Wait, what would you need rubber underwear for?" Mike asked, confused.

Cameron's eyes widened. "Uh, no reason!" He said quickly, glancing around nervously. "No reason at all, ehehehe…"

"Nice going, Scott," Dakota said, glaring at the boy as he sat back down.

"Hey, at least I actually tried!" Scott said defensively, glaring at Chris. "Not my fault Mr. Douchebag over there gave me an unwinnable dare."

Chris frowned. "First of all, the dare wasn't unwinnable, just extremely difficult and loaded with an unexpected twist. Second, it's _Dr._ Douchebag to you! I didn't go to eight years of Asshole College to be called 'mister.'"

He cleared his throat and pressed the button to choose the next contestant. "Okay, the Wild Wolves have a chance to pull ahead. Let's see if…" The TV stopped cycling through campers. "Jasmine can pull off a dare to bring her team into the lead."

The Aussie girl cracked her knuckles as she made her way down onto the beach, her face set in a look of grim determination as she did so. Chef went back towards the truck, but a sharp whistle from Chris stopped the cook in his tracks.

"Hold on, Chef, we're still gonna need that shark," Chris said, looking at the black card he had drawn, "because Jasmine's dare is to swim to the bottom of Fang's pool and retrieve this colored weight."

Chris held up a thick, bright green plastic ring, letting Jasmine get a good look at it before chucking it towards the tank, where it hit the water with a splash and sank quickly to the bottom.

"Thirty seconds to retrieve the ring, starting when you enter the pool," Chris said as he brought the timer up. "If you'll just wait for Chef to fish out those busted boards-"

" _Banzai!_ " Jasmine shouted, sprinting over to the pool. She grabbed the edge (which was at eye-level to the Outback Amazon) and hurled herself up and over, into the water. Several people cried out in shock while the host, caught off guard by Jasmine's boldness, frantically pulled up the underwater tank camera, the thirty-second timer counting down in the corner.

Beneath the water, Jasmine held her breath as she took in her new surroundings. Broken chunks of wood drifted above, casting irregularly-shaped shadows on the smooth floor of the tank. The green weight rested in the dead center of the pool, and Fang was silently hovering over it, its mouth hanging open to reveal rows of triangular teeth, silently daring Jasmine to come closer.

Narrowing her eyes, Jasmine swam up to grab a broken piece of wood, a few feet in length with a jagged end. She pointed a finger at the shark and curled it towards herself, the universal gesture for "bring it!"

Fang growled and shot forward like a bullet, his mouth opening wider and wider and wider-

 _Thunk!_

Fang froze in place, finding itself unable to close its mouth. The beast thrashed about, struggling to snap the wooden board that had been jammed length-wise into its gaping maw while Jasmine swam past with a triumphant smirk. She glided gracefully through the water to the bottom of the tank, where she picked up the green ring. The Wild Wolves cheered.

"Don't celebrate just yet, kiddies," Chris said, wagging one finger. "She still has to exit the pool with the weight to earn the point. And what do we have here?"

With a mighty chomp, the shark bit the wooden board into splinters and shot towards Jasmine with a snarl. The Australian had just made it to the edge when she felt the water shift, and turned her head to see Fang barreling towards her. Her eyes widened, then narrowed. She put the ring between her teeth and grabbed the edge of the tank, bracing herself against the wall, scrunching her entire body up. She waited patiently until the shark was close enough to see into the dark void of its mouth, and then…

 _Smack!_

Jasmine's body uncoiled like a spring, her legs shooting out, both of her feet slamming into the Fang's snout. The beast quickly turned tail and swam away to the farthest corner of the tank where it proceeded to curl into a tight ball, whimpering as it stared at Jasmine with terrified eyes. Jasmine smirked and vaulted herself out of the water and the pool, where she was greeted to the sound of a ringing bell and her team's wild cheers.

"Jasmine earns point number four for the Wolves!" Chris said as Jasmine sauntered past his podium, dropping the dripping weight into his outstretched palms. "Meaning the Wild Wolves lead the game four to three."

"That was one-hundred percent _badass!_ " Topher said as the soaking-wet Jasmine took her seat beside him.

"That was like something out of an action movie!" Zoey gushed.

"No, it was like scoring the killing blow on a final boss," Sam said.

"I can't condone violence against animals," Dawn admitted, "but that was still quite impressive."

"Almost as awesome as that time I scored a game-winning seventy-seven yard touchdown," Lightning said with a nod of approval.

"Meh, it was alright," Amy said, trying to sound unimpressed.

Jasmine chuckled, basking in the adoration of her team as she wrung the water from her hat. "FIGJAM, mates."

* * *

 **Confessional Cam: What the hell is a figjam?**

 **Shawn:** "Holy crap, I was spot-on about Jasmine! She kicks _ass!_ If she can take down a man-eating shark that easily, a zombie doesn't stand a chance!"

 **Leonard:** "With Lady Jasmine's knowledge of the land and her impressive physical prowess, she'd make an exceptional monk."

 **Samey:** (stares at the camera with her jaw hanging open) "… That. Was. Amazing!"

 **B:** (nods and gives the camera an impressed thumbs-up)

 **Ella:** "I'm with Dawn on this one: I feel terrible for that sweet little shark, but that really was brave and incredible."

 **Brick:** "Our commander is one hell of a woman!"

 **Scott:** "Ha! Suck on _that,_ you stupid shark!"

 **Jasmine:** (still soaking wet) "Truth be told, when I saw that shark coming at me, I was so scared I thought I might piss myself! I was in the water so it _probably_ wouldn't have been noticeable, but I'm glad I remembered a shark's nose is a weak spot. Wouldn't do well for the team's leader to be wettin' herself, after all."

* * *

Chef drove away with the truck while Chris pressed the selection button. "Okay, we're back over to the Eagles…" Chris said as a familiar girl jock popped up on the TV, next to a halo. "With Jo telling a truth."

"Aw, seriously?" Jo asked with a frown as a Truth Band popped up in front of her. "After a couple of badass dares like that, all I have to do is answer a question? What a gyp!"

Chris laughed as Jo placed her wrist into the band. "Jo, using the traditional baseball analogy, how far have you gotten with a member of the opposite sex?"

Jo's eyes widened, feeling her cheeks grow hot. "Excuse me?! Are _all_ of these truth questions going to have to do with love and sex?"

"Not _all_ of them. Just seventy-five, maybe eighty percent," Chris said with a shrug, pulling up the countdown. "Thirty seconds to tell us _all_ about your love life, Jo."

Jo's blush deepened as she felt her team turn to look at her, each tick of the timer hammering her ear drums. "Um… w-well, the thing is… Y-you see…"

Jo continued her mumbling for several seconds, despite the urging words from her teammates. Cameron glanced over to see that the countdown was approaching the single digits. He cringed and braced himself for the shock, but perked up when an idea came to him.

"Come on, Jo," Cameron said to her, raising a brow with a smirk. "After all, I was able to answer _my_ question. Are you not tough enough to admit the truth?"

" _Not tough enough?!_ " Jo snapped, slamming a fist down as she glared at the tiny nerd. "I'll show you tough enough! You want the truth? The truth is, I've never even kissed a guy!"

Everyone stared as Jo heaved, still glowering at Cameron. A ring of the bell indicated that she was being truthful.

"And that's a point for the Eagles," Chris said with an uncharacteristic lack of flair as the Jo's wrist was released. "Wow, you're sixteen and you haven't had your first kiss? That's kind of sad."

"Eat it, McClean," Jo huffed, crossing her arms, a ghost of a blush still decorating her cheeks.

"Nice job, Cameron," Sky whispered, exchanging a fist bump with the bubble boy underneath the counter.

"Alright, it's a tie game again," Chris said as he pressed the selection button once more. "Let's see if the Wolves can pull back into the lead."

This time Ella was selected to perform a dare. Chris drew a black card, and his grin grew wider.

"It's another wild card!" He announced. "Jo, you get to pick Ella's dare."

"Is that so?" She asked, rubbing her chin as she looked at the smiling princess. Jo smirked. "Okay, I dare Ella not to sing for five minutes!"

This earned a round of confused mutterings from the contestants, but Chris just shrugged. "A little tame for my tastes, but given the camper that's being dared, I'll allow it."

He pulled up the timer, this time setting it for five minutes.

"Really, Jo?" Ella asked, looking confident. "I may love to sing, but I'm perfectly capable of going a few minutes without breaking out into song."

Jo chuckled. "Oh, really? Clang, clang, clang."

" _Went the tro-lleeeeey!_ " Ella belted out. Her teammates cried out in protest, and her eyes went wide. "No, wait! I didn't mean-"

Chris slammed down the button, and the Wolves screamed as electricity coursed through them.

"Wow, the dare was not to sing for five minutes, and you didn't even last five _seconds_ ," Chris remarked after he shut off the power. "That was just pathetic."

"Sorry, everybody," Ella said, her hare now frazzled from the impromptu shock therapy.

Jasmine, who had been shocked extra hard because she was wet, gave an unsteady wave of the hand. "No drama, mate," she said, then cringed as her muscles spasmed. "Ouch…"

"That was clever," Dave said to the still-smirking Jo.

"Thanks, String Bean," she said. "You see, the key to winning this game isn't just to play to your own strengths, but also to exploit your opponent's weaknesses."

"Exploit their weakness, huh?" Dave rubbed his chin as he leaned back in his chair, getting lost in thought.

The next camper the computer selected was Mike, telling a truth. The boy gave an anxious sigh as he placed his wrist into the Truth Band that rose up before him.

"Okay, Mike," Chris said as he drew a white card, "for a point, which girl or _girls_ here do you think are the hottest?"

Mike's eyes widened, and he glanced around nervously. "I, um…" he said, not eager to earn the ire of any females present, but also not wanting to get shocked again, "W-well, all of the girls here look very nice… But, uh…"

"Just spit it out, Mike," Dakota said, crossing her arms. "We all know _I'm_ the hottest one here."

Anne Maria scoffed loudly. "Don't make me laugh, Dollface," she said, "I'm the one who's got the curves that the boys can't get enough of!"

"Yeah, but are you a cheerleader?" Amy asked haughtily, gesturing at her uniform. "He- _llo!_ Every guy's fantasy, right over here."

"Actually," Mike said, his blush growing heavier, "I think… Er…" He shut his eyes, took a deep breath, and said quickly: "I think Zoey and Scarlett are the hottest."

Five voices cried out at once.

"Me?" Zoey asked, her face growing hot.

"Me?" Scarlett questioned, eyes widening behind her glasses.

"Her?!" Dakota demanded, jabbing a finger at Scarlett.

"Her?!" Amy shouted, throwing a hand towards Zoey.

"Them?!" Anne Maria snapped, slamming her fists on the counter.

A ringing bell cut through the din.

"He's being truthful!" Chris announced. "That's five points total for the Eagles!"

* * *

 **Confessional Cam: Is it a jam made from figs that they eat in Australia?**

 **Mike:** (rubs the back of his head.) "What? I've… got a thing for redheads. That's not weird, right?"

 **Zoey:** (speaking rapidly) "Omigosh, omigosh, omigosh! A boy actually thinks I'm cute! This has never happened to me before. (she takes a deep breath and sits up straight) Okay Zoey, don't get ahead of yourself. Just take it slow and play it cool. Play it cool… (she squeals excitedly) Ooooh, he thinks I'm cute!"

 **Scarlett:** (clears her throat) "Well then, having a male state that he finds me physically desirable is… unexpected, but not entirely unwelcome. I wonder if I can use this to my advantage…"

 **Anne Maria/Dakota/Amy:** (their confessionals play side by side) "Whatever. That dork _clearly_ has no taste."

* * *

"Up next for the Wolves, it will be…" Chris pressed the selection button. "Sam doing a dare!"

Sam made his way down to the shore, and Chris drew a black card. "Sam, your dare is to run a hurdle race across the beach!"

Chef returned to the beach, carrying several track-and-field hurdles on one beefy arm. Sam watched with uncertainty as Chef started placing the hurdles at various points along the beach.

"Uh, is there any chance I could get a new dare?" Sam asked, looking down at his rather husky frame. "I don't think someone with my… build will be able to do something like this."

"Aw… too bad!" Chris beamed and slapped Sam on the shoulder. "You can either try and have a chance to earn the point, or just give up and let your team get shocked. Your choice, bro."

Sam still looked unsure, but his team offered words of encouragement, and he sighed. "What the hell, I'll give it a shot."

Sam crouched down into a runner's stance as Chef finished setting up the hurdles.

"You've got this, Gamer Boy!" Lightning called out.

"Just pretend you're running from zombies!" Shawn said.

"Would you like me to cast a swiftness spell on you?" Leonard offered.

"Uh, no thanks, I've got this," Sam said, gulping as Chef placed the last hurdle into position. "I hope…"

Chris brought up the timer, then pulled a whistle from his breast pocket. "Thirty seconds to run the race, Sam. On your marks… get set… go!"

Chris blew his whistle, and Sam took off sprinting as fast as he could, his whole team cheering as he ran. He came up on the first hurdle, waist-high and painted with alternating black-and-white stripes. Sam's eyes narrowed and he pushed off the ground with all of his strength, sailing through the air with a mighty scream of triumph.

 _Thud!_

A scream that was cut short when Sam's foot caught on the hurdle, causing him to land face-first in the sand.

The Wild Wolves cringed, then screamed as another jolt of electricity shot through them.

"That's another failure for the Wolves," Chris narrated as Sam picked himself up, spitting out sand. "Which means the Eagles have a chance to pull ahead by two for the first time in the game."

"Way to go, fat-ass," Amy said, glaring as Sam made his way back to the Wolves' bleachers.

"You suck, Gamer Boy!" Lightning jeered.

"You should have just let me cast the swiftness spell," Leonard said, shaking his head.

"Sorry guys," Sam offered as the machine picked Dakota to do a dare. He was about to sit down again when Chris called to him.

"Oh, looks like you've got a chance to redeem yourself, Sam," Chris said, looking at the black card he had drawn. "We've got a verses card over here!"

"Verses card?" Dakota asked as Sam came back down to stand next to her. "Is that another one of those 'special' cards you mentioned?"

"Indeed it is! Verses cards allow the last contestant to compete against the current one for a point, and instead of a timer, the first one to answer the question or complete the dare wins. And for this dare, you two must race each other across the beach… on stilts!"

Chef walked into view with two sets of stilts under his arms, each of them ten feet long, and handed them over to the apprehensive teens. By the time he had walked down to the opposite end of the beach and marked a line in the sand with his foot, Dakota and Sam had, with a little help from their team members, fastened themselves to their stilts.

"Just like the last dare, the race starts when I blow the whistle," Chris said. He looked up at Dakota and Sam, both looking uncertain as the wibbled and wobbled, and chuckled. "This oughta be good. Ready… go!"

Unlike the previous challenge, the whistle's shrill cry wasn't met with the runners shooting forth as fast as their legs would go. Rather, Dakota and Sam hobbled slowly across the sand, uttering nervous cries each time it seemed like they would tilt and fall over. Back in the bleachers, the campers cheered their respective teammates on.

"Go, Dakota," Cameron cheered.

"Show us that you're more than just a pretty face," Jo said.

"You better not screw this up again, Sam!" Amy said with a sneer.

"Be more supportive," Jasmine whispered harshly (earning a glare from the twin) then shouted to Sam; "You've got it in the bag this time!"

About halfway through the race down the beach, Dakota stumbled, her arms pinwheeling as she struggled not to fall over. Sam used this opportunity to pull ahead, to the dismay of the Extreme Eagles and the delight of the Wild Wolves.

"You can do it, Sam!" Ella shouted, and then started to chant. "Sam! Sam! Sam!"

The rest of the team joined in the encouraging chant, and the Gamer grinned as he approached the finish line.

"I'm gonna make it," he said, laughing to himself. The scowling Chef Hatchet and his finish line were just four lurching steps away. "I'm really gonna win this!" Three steps. Two steps. "I'm-"

Sam stopped as he tried to lift his back leg again, only to find that the stilt had sunken deep into the sand. Furthermore, the momentum he had gotten going wanted to keep carrying Sam forward, and the gamer screamed as he found his legs pulled apart, doing the splits involuntarily.

Half of the Wolves cringed, and the other half cried out in despair.

"Now's your chance, Dakota!" Sky sat up and shouted, then sat back down immediately as her stomach heaved. "Ah! When the hell is my stomach gonna calm down?!"

Still frozen in place, Sam looked over his shoulder. To his horror, Dakota had recovered her footing as was just a few yards away from winning. Sam looked back to the finish line, literally a few feet away, and realized that there was still one way to win this thing.

"For the Wild Wolves!" Sam cried out and thrust his entire body forward. He screamed as he fell face-first into the sand for the second time in five minutes, right as Dakota flew across the finish line. Both of them were so focused on winning that neither heard the _snap_ of the camera on Chef's smart phone.

Both teams fell into stunned silence, broken only by the Sam spitting sand and dirt from his mouth. Again.

"Who won?!" Several people shouted, turning to Chris for an answer.

"Hang on," the host said, holding up one finger, tapping away at the podium's keyboard with the other hand. "Chef's sending me the picture now…"

A pixelated image appeared on the TV and slowly came into focus. It showed a blurry Dakota dashing across the finish line, the screaming Sam falling through the air ever-so-slightly behind her.

"And Dakota wins in a photo finish!" Chris announced. The Eagles let out a wild cheer of triumph, and the Wolves grumbled in frustration and disappointment. "The Extreme Eagles now lead the game six to four. As for the Wolves…"

Across the beach, Sam flinched at the sound of his team being electrocuted. Again. He sighed and started to unfasten himself from his stilts, while Chef helped Dakota down from hers.

"Are you like, okay, or whatever?" Dakota asked as Sam climbed to his feet with a groan of pain.

"Yeah, I'll be fine," he said, brushing some of the sand out of his chin stubble. "Man, how did you do that without falling once?"

"Years of walking in high heels," Dakota replied, smiling proudly. "Once I got the hang of the stilts, it was no problem."

"Well, it really was impressive," Sam said, smiling at her.

Dakota's eyes widened, and she looked away, her face turning the faintest shade of pink. "Oh. Uh, thank you… I think?"

* * *

 **Confessional Cam: Seriously, can somebody Google "figjam" for me?**

 **Sam:** (beaming) "That went better than I could have hoped! Normally when I compliment a girl, they tell me to get lost. Or run away screaming. (smile falls) Or mace me with pepper-spray. Or try to ward me off with a picture of Chris Hanson…"

 **Dakota:** "Wow, that was the first time a guy complimented me on something other than my looks. It felt… weird. Weird, but nice."

* * *

"Okay," Chris said as Dakota and Sam sat back down, the former receiving praise and the latter getting glares, "the Wolves are now fighting an uphill battle. Let's see if…" He pressed the selection button. "Lightning can tell the truth and bring them back into the game."

The jock shot one last scowl at Sam before placing his wrist into the Truth Band before him.

Chris drew a white card and frowned. "Aw, dang it."

"Something wrong, Chris?" Topher asked, looking concerned.

"Well, the whole point of these questions are to make you all feel awkward and uncomfortable," Chris said, putting his elbow on the podium and his chin in his palm, "but with Lightning's personality, I doubt he's going to be very embarrassed." The host shrugged. "Oh well. Lightning, do you have a nickname for your reproductive organ, and if so, what is it?"

Lightning raised an eyebrow as the timer popped up. "My what now?"

"He means your junk," Shawn said bluntly.

"Ten dollars says he calls it the 'Lightning Rod,'" Scarlett whispered to Anne Maria.

Lightning gave Chris a cocky smile. "Well, why didn't you say so? I call it the Lightning Rod!"

The truth bell dinged, and Scarlett whispered again; "Called it."

"Okay, that brings the Wolves up to five," Chris said as Lightning's Truth Band split and descended.

"And I call my testicles Thunder and Storm," Lightning continued, undaunted. The teens shuddered, as did Chris.

"Uh, TMI there Lightning," Chris said, shaking his head. "We need to-"

"Tell more information? You got it, Chris! I also manscaped my pubes in the shape of a lightning-"

"That's enough!" Chris shouted, waving one arm frantically while he slammed a palm down on the selection button. "You already answered the question, it's time for us to move on!"

The computer selected Sky next, to tell another truth. The still-queasy gymnast slipped her wrist into the Truth Band as Chris drew a white card.

"Sky," Chris read as he brought up the countdown, "what is your biggest fear and how did you come about it?"

Sky grimaced, then sighed. "Well, I guess my biggest fear would be dolls. I can't _stand_ those things."

"Wow, really?" Jo asked. "Never would have had you pegged to be scared of some toys."

"Hey, lots of people are afraid of dolls," Sky said defensively.

"Yes, but _why_ are you afraid of dolls?" Chris pressed. "Did you watched _Child's Play_ at a young age?"

"Or she could have seen _The Conjuring_ ," Rodney offered, trembling. "Annabelle… Ugh!"

Sky shook her head. "You're both wrong. Have you all heard of _The Twilight Zone?_ " Almost everyone nodded. "When I was little, my grandpa used to watch episodes on this classic TV channel every night. I wanted to see it with him, but he said the show was too scary for a little girl. So I kept bugging him and bugging him until he finally caved and let me watch one with him. We wound up watching the episode with that creepy living doll, the one that terrorized the little girl's dad… Ah, what was that doll's name?"

Those who knew what Sky was talking about racked their brains, searching for answer.

"Oh, I know who you're talking about!" Chef said after a few seconds of silence. He plastered a fake smile on his face and spoke in a high-pitched falsetto; " _My name is Talky Tina, and I am going to kill you!_ "

Sky shivered. "That's the one. I had nightmares about Talky Tina for a week after that, and I've been terrified of dolls ever since."

The truth bell dinged seconds before the timer ran out.

"That's another point for the Eagles," Chris said with a mocking grin as Sky's wrist was released. "And now we know that Sky is scared of little girl's dollies!"

"Shut up," Sky said, sitting back with her hands over her rumbling stomach.

Cameron frowned as he started to rub Sky's back again. "Yeah Chris, we all have fears. Heck, I'm scared of spiders and I'm not ashamed to admit it."

* * *

 **Confessional Cam: And I'm scared of Owen. If he had done the same things inside you that he did in me, _you'd_ be scared too.**

 **Cameron:** "You know, even though I was just trying to make Sky feel better, I probably shouldn't have told Chris my greatest fear… I have a bad feeling that's going to come back to haunt me."

 **Chris:** (is writing in a notebook, while muttering to himself with a mischievous smile) "Cameron… spiders… Sky… dolls… Shawn… zombies…"

* * *

Amy was chosen to go next for the Wild Wolves, performing a dare. She stood in front of Chris, flipping her hair with a confident smirk as the host drew a black card.

"Amy, to earn the next point for the Wolves, you must dance!"

Amy blinked, then barked out a laugh.

"Seriously, Chris?" she asked snootily. "I'm captain of my school's junior varsity cheerleading team, and you want me to _dance?_ Just save us the trouble and give me the point now!"

"I'd be happy to," Chris said as he typed out something on the keyboard, "just as soon as you dance for thirty seconds to _this_."

He grinned as he pressed the last button on the panel. From the speakers above the team's stands came a blaring cacophony of trumpets, punctuated by clapping. Amy's eyes widened, then narrowed as she glared at Chris.

"You have _got_ to be kidding me," she said bluntly as the rest of the several contestants burst out laughing.

"Thirty seconds of dancing _with feeling_ to earn the point," was all Chris said as he pulled the timer up.

Amy looked around, shooting furious glares at anyone who dared to laugh. When that didn't stop the giggles, the cheerleader huffed and started to do the Chicken Dance. She bent and flapped her arms, kicked her legs back and clapped when appropriate, all the while looking like she was receiving a sulfuric acid enema.

Amy's ridiculous movements only made those who had been silent start to laugh, and those who were already laughing laugh even harder.

"Shut up!" Amy snarled. "Shut up or I will ruin you, do you hear me?! I'll make you all wish you were never born!"

This did nothing to stop the cackling. The thirty seconds ticked by like an eternity to Amy, and the ring of the completion bell was like giving water to a man dying of thirst.

"And that brings the Wolves to six," a giggling Chris said as the music cut out, the teens still snickering. Amy stopped dancing instantly and stomped back to her team's stands, passing by Samey, who was trying to stifle her giggles behind a closed fist.

"And _what_ are you laughing at?!" Amy snapped, and Samey went silent in an instant.

"Oh! Um…" Samey frowned and suddenly found her shoes _very_ interesting. "N-nothing…"

"Yeah, that's what I thought," Amy said and plopped down in her seat with her arms crossed, missing the concerned glance Dawn exchanged with Jasmine.

The next camper selected to go was Max, who would be performing a dare.

"Bring it on, Chris McLean!" Max said, crossing his arms and smirking confidently. "An evil genius like myself can handle any challenges your feeble little mind could possibly have conceived!"

Chris cocked an eyebrow, frowning as he drew a black card. He silently read what it said, and his lips split in his biggest grin of the day. "Oh-ho-ho, yes! I was _so_ hoping someone like you would get this card! Chef, grab the privacy curtain."

Now it was Max's turn to arch a brow. "Why do I need a privacy curtain?"

A few moments later, Max pulled aside the curtain Chef had erected on the beach, fury radiating from him like a furnace. His grey jumpsuit had been discarded, replaced with a frilly pink tutu that was about a size too small. Most of his fellow competitors broke down laughing, and the more polite teens choked back their chortles.

"Not. One. Word," Max snarled to them as he trudged over to the beaming Chris McLean, who handed him a small wicker basket full of multi-colored flower petals.

"You know what to do," he said as Max roughly snatched the basket. Chris started the timer, and Max exhaled sharply for his nose.

 _Think of the million, think of the million,_ Max repeated in his head as he started to skip in a circle, tossing petals into the air as he sang through gritted teeth; " _I feel pretty/oh so pretty/I feel pretty and witty and… gaaaaay."_

It was almost impossible to hear Max's extremely reluctant singing, with how loud everyone was laughing. For thirty seconds this hilarious and somewhat disturbing display continued, brought to an end only by the ring of a bell.

"Ahahaha, oh my ribs!" Chris said as he doubled over with laughter, narrowly avoiding the empty flower basket that Max chucked at him. "Another point to the Eagles! Y-y-you can go change, Max! Ahahahaha! I can't breathe!"

* * *

 **Confessional Cam: See the pretty girl in that mirror there?**

 **Max:** "When I rule the world, Chris McLean will be the first to die."

* * *

After Max had changed back into his jumpsuit and taken his seat among his still-giggling team, Samey was randomly chosen to tell a truth for the Wolves.

"Okay Samey," Chris said, the meek twin's wrist locked into a Truth Band, "who is your celebrity crush, and what did you see them in or on when you developed this crush?"

Samey, who had been expecting a much more embarrassing question than that, sighed in relief even as she blushed. "Oh, that's not so bad," she said as the timer came up. "I've always had such a crush on Christian Bale."

"Really?" Mike asked. "Let me guess, you started crushing on him when you saw him in _The Dark Knight_ trilogy?"

Samey shook her head. "Um, no."

"Then it's gotta be after he was in that new _Terminator_ movie," Zoey guessed.

"Still no."

Shawn thought about it for a moment and blanched. "Ew, don't tell me you started to like him after _The Machinist_."

Samey made a face like she had just tasted sour lemons. "Oh God no! It was… _American Psycho_."

The truth bell rang, and Samey's hand was set free.

"Seriously? _American Psycho?_ " Chris asked, looking disturbed. "The movie where Bale played a psychopathic serial killer?"

Samey's blush deepened. "Yeah, I know he was crazy… but he was still hot!"

"Wait a second," Jasmine interrupted, "I saw that movie! I thought that bloke just imagined all of the murders he committed?"

"You know, I'm not really sure," Chris admitted, scratching his chin. "The movie was kinda vague about whether everything actually happened or not."

Amy scoffed. "Leave it to my freak of a sister to get off on something so sick and twisted," she remarked, causing her twin to look away, ashamed.

"Hey, don't knock _American Psycho_ ," Scarlett spoke up. "It's a brilliant piece of social commentary about the shallow and materialistic world Americans lived in in the 1980's. It's a shame most people can't see that beyond the horrific violence and Christian Bale's ass."

"Horrific violence, you say?" An intrigued Max asked.

"Christian Bale's ass, you say?" An equally intrigued Dakota asked.

"Okay, the score is now seven to eight in the Eagle's favor," Chris said, pressing the button to choose the next competitor. "And speaking of the Eagles, up next for them is Beardo doing a dare!"

The large teen stepped down onto the beach, imitating the fanfare from _The Price is Right_ with a big smile.

Chris drew the black card and called up to Samey, "Oh, looks like you're not done yet, Samey! You'll be competing against Beardo here in a verses dare!"

The cheerleader's eyes widened, and she walked down to the beach to stand beside her opponent. Beardo offered her a shy small, which she returned with a nervous wave.

"Okay you two, for your dare you're going to play a little game of chicken," Chris said as Chef drove onto the beach in a pickup truck. Hitched to the truck was a large square object mounted on a wheeled frame, covered by a tarp. Whatever was underneath the tarp growled and thrashed, causing the whole thing to shake.

Beardo and Samey took in all of this and took a few cautious steps back.

"Um, what's under there?" Samey asked in a trembling voice.

Chris chuckled as he approached the truck. "I'm glad you asked, Samey my dear! This is the one who will assist us in this dare."

Chris pulled the tarp off with a dramatic flourish, revealing a cage underneath. Standing in the cage with a manacle and chain around its neck was a massive brown bear, its lips curled back into an angry snarl, revealing dozens of wicked-sharp teeth. The caged bear let out a roar of fury that made several campers gasp while the beast slammed itself against the bars.

"For your dare," Chris told the petrified and pale Beardo and Samey, "you two must remain in that spot while Fuzzy here charges at you. Whoever chickens out and runs away first loses. And don't worry: the chain around his neck is attached to a winch designed to stop him several feet before he actually reaches you, so it's safe."

"'Safe'?" Scott repeated, crossing his arms. "Funny, that's _exactly_ what you said about my dare, and look how _that_ turned out!"

Chris frowned at him. "This time I mean it! I'll have you know that this is the cheapest cage money could rent. I spared every expense when it comes to the safety of our campers."

Before anyone could further objected to Chris's horribly flawed reasoning, he strolled over and started to undo the latch on Fuzzy's cage. "Beardo, Samey, your challenge begins in three-"

Whatever Chris was about to say was cut off as the bear rammed into his cage's door, slamming it out and sending the host flying across the beach with a scream. Fuzzy roared and charged at Beardo and Samey, his paws kicking up sand, thick drool running down his muzzle. Beardo broke instantly, running away with a scream. Many campers in stands also screamed and jumped back in pure reflex.

Samey _would_ have run, if she hadn't tripped and fallen down on her butt. Before she could even begin to scramble to her feet, Fuzzy was upon her, the winch having done absolutely nothing to stop his advance. The beast stood up on his hind legs, standing ten feet tall, smothering Samey in his massive shadow.

Samey screamed, only to be drowned out as the beast roared and raised a clawed paw to strike.

 **End of Day Two, Part Two**

* * *

XD Ain't I a stinker?

Will Samey survive her encounter with Fuzzy? Will Sky ever blow chunks? And who will be the next to walk the Dock of Shame? Tune in next time to find out!

Also for any Batman fans out there, be sure to check out my new story, a poem about the Joker; "One Bad Day."

\- StoryCrafter12


	6. Day 2 Part 3: The Truth Hurts

**Total Drama Bonanza**

 **A Total DramaFanfiction by StoryCrafter12**

 **Disclaimer:** This is a non-profit fanfiction. Total Drama and all of its characters are property of Teletoon and Fresh TV. Please support the official release.

 **Warning:** This story is rated T for teen. It contains mild danger, language, brief nudity, and some crude humor and sexual elements. To be fair, though, these _are_ teenagers I'm writing about.

 **Author's Note:** Sorry about the wait folks, but my tablet kicked the bucket a few days ago, forcing me to buy an older model laptop so I can still get online. Hopefully chapter six makes up for it though!

* * *

 **Day Two, Part Three: The Truth Hurts**

Samey saw her entire life flash before her eyes: learning to ride a bike weeks after Amy had gotten her training wheels taken off, getting fourth place in her elementary school's spelling bee while Amy won, being Amy's understudy in their middle school's production of _Romeo and Juliet_ , making second-string on the cheerleading squad while Amy made first…

Okay, so maybe it wasn't a particularly _impressive_ life, but it was still Samey's. And now it was about to end on the beach of some island in Muskoka, at the hands of a rampaging grizzly bear.

 _Figures. The_ one _thing I get to do before Amy is die_ , a distant part of Samey's brain remarked as she screamed and raised her arm in a pitiful defense. It would be her final thought.

Or at least at would have, were it not for the massive figure that planted itself between Samey and Fuzzy, belting out a screeching roar that made Samey's eardrums ring. She clapped her hands over her ears as the roar continued, terrible, furious, and… oddly familiar.

Fuzzy stopped his attack and dropped back to all fours, momentarily stunned by the intervention. Beardo didn't let up, taking a deep breath and belting out another _Godzilla_ roar and he stomped his feet and waved his arms wildly, trying to make himself look as big and intimidating as possible.

It only worked for a few seconds, but that was just enough time for Chef Hatchet, who had been fumbling with the tranquilizer gun in the seat beside him throughout the whole ordeal, to take aim and squeeze off a shot.

The dart loaded with sleeping chemicals sailed through the air, burying itself in Fuzzy's behind just as he started to realize that _he_ was the stronger predator, not this fat thing with the crazy hair. The compound went to work immediately, transforming his bubbling growl into a yawn. Fuzzy's eyes went half-lidded, he swayed on his paws once, twice, and tumbled to the sand with a mighty _thud_.

For a few seconds, the beach was as quiet as the grave, Beardo's heavy panting the only sound to be heard. Once it was clear that the snoring bear was no longer a danger, he whirled around to the downed cheerleader and asked; "Are you okay?"

Samey blinked as Beardo extended a hand to her. Heart still pounding, Samey took it, and he clapped his other hand over hers and pulled her to her feet.

"I… I think so," Samey said, and idly reached down to brush the sand from her skirt. Her mind was still reeling for the whole "almost got killed by a bear" thing, and a single thought that was rather unusual considering the circumstances cut through the haze of adrenalin, planting itself firmly in the front of her mind. "Wait, did you just _talk?_ "

Beardo took a few more deep breaths, his eyes widening as though he _himself_ had just realized he had spoken using words and grammar instead of sound effects. He stammered a few times, but couldn't get a reply out before a frazzled-looking Chris McLean approached, fixing his hair with a pocket comb.

"Man, I'm glad that's over," he said, nudging the sleeping bear with his foot. "Nice shooting, Chef!"

"Wow, you were right, Chris," Scott remarked, his voice as dry as the Sahara as Sky, Jo and Mike ran down to check on Beardo, "that was completely, one-hundred-percent _safe!_ "

"Yeah, asshole!" Amy shouted, throwing her arms up as Jasmine, Ella, Dawn and Brick went to comfort Samey. "You could have killed my sister just now!"

The other Wild Wolves still in the stands exchanged surprised and/or confused glances.

"Wait, you actually _care_ about Samey's well-being?" Shawn spoke up. Amy scoffed at him.

"Um, duh! My sister might be a dork and a loser, but I don't want her to die!"

* * *

 **Confessional Cam: Well, nice to know she has a shred of sisterly love… Wait a second…**

 **Amy:** "I mean, what if I need a kidney some day?"

* * *

"Well, that was indeed an impressive display of bravery, Beardo," Chris said to the bearded teen. "Still you _did_ run away first, so I'm afraid this challenge goes to Samey. Given the scare we just had though, I'll spare your team the shock since it might cause someone's heart to explode."

Beardo just shrugged, still panting and pale as he and his teammates returned to the Extreme Eagle's bleachers.

"Damn, Beard Boy, that was impressive," Jo remarked as she and Sky sat back down. "How'd you know to do that?"

"Saw it on a documentary," the trembling Beardo replied as he approached his seat. "If you're attacked by a predator, you wanna make yourself look as big and intimidating as possible, give yourself time to get away."

"Wow, and you weren't scared at all?" Mike asked.

"Oh no, I was terrified," he replied bluntly. "In fact, if it's okay with you guys, I'm gonna faint now, cool? Cool."

With that Bearo's eyes rolled to whites and he collapsed into his seat, his dreadlocks boncing as his head lolled back.

Chris glanced down at the bear, who grumbled in his sleep, and shook his head. "Glad that's over," he said. He started to turn to walk back to his podium, only to find his path blocked by a scowling Dawn and Ella. "Gah! Jesus, you girls trying to give me a heart attack?!"

"You need a heart before you can have an attack, Chris," Dawn said with a surprisingly unnerving glare as Jasmine and Brick led a shaking Samey back to their stands.

"Just what are _you_ going to do with that sweet little creature?" Ella demanded, her friendly demeanor nowhere to be found.

"Sweet little…?" Chris muttered, glancing between Ella and the several-hundred pound apex predator of the forest. He rolled his eyes. "Ugh, animal lovers. Don't get your panties in a twist, you two. The bear lives right here on the island, Chef's gonna bring him back to his cave where he'll wake up safe and sound."

"Also, bears don't just attack like that for no reason," Dawn continued. "What did you do to get him so riled up?"

"Well…"

* * *

 **Earlier that morning…**

" _How's it going, Chef?" Chris asked. He stood near a large cave in the middle of the island, a TV remote in hand. Behind him sat a large cage where Fuzzy stood idly, licking his front paws._

" _Almost ready," Chef replied as he approached, unspooling an extension cord that led all the way back to Camp Wawanakwa. He grabbed the power cord to the small TV that had been placed in front of Fuzzy's cage on a table and plugged it in to the cable. "Alright, go ahead."_

 _Chris turned the TV on and wisely took a few steps away from the cage. Fuzzy stared at the flicking images on the screen as a voice blared from the speakers._

" _We now return to our five hour marathon of_ Toddlers in Tiaras!"

 _A few minutes later, the first of many furious roars echoed across the island._

* * *

 **And back at the plot…**

"You sick, sick man," Dawn said, aghast.

"Yeah yeah, I'm a horrible human being, yadda yadda yadda," Chris said with a dissmissive wave of his hand as Chef stuggled to push Fuzzy across the sand to his cage. "Look, the bear is going to be fine, so would you two kindly take your seats so we can proceed with the challenge?"

Dawn and Ella shot one last disgusted look at Chris before making their way back to the Wild Wolves' stands.

"I really wish that man wouldn't use so many animals in his twisted little games," Dawn said to Ella.

"I know, it makes me so nervous to see people with no respect for the welfare of animals placed in charge of them," the princess replied, shaking her head. "I've seen too much of that at the animal shelter I volunteer at."

Dawn's eyes lit up. "You do shelter work?"

"All the time! The staff love it when I sing to the animals, it calms down even the most unruliest of creatures. Do you volunteer as well?"

"Sometimes, but most of my experience with animals comes from working on my uncle's farm."

"Ooh! Does he have any horses?"

As the two girls continued to chatter, Chris rolled his eyes and pressed the selection button, silently hoping one of them would get picked and put an end to their pleasentries. Instead, it was Shawn that was chosen to perform a dare.

"As long as the dare doesn't involve zombies, I can handle it," Shawn said as he stepped down to stand before Chris, who drew a black card.

"Well that's a shame, because your dare is to walk a hundred-foot long tightrope over a pit of zombies while me and Chef shoot flaming arrows at you," Chris said, laughing mirthfully. He trailed off when he saw the stark terror on the boy's face, and frowned at him. "I'm kidding! All you have to do is dive off the thousand-foot cliff, jeez!"

Shawn's fear vanished with a sigh. "Oh, thank God! Yeah, I can do that."

"Seriously, Chris?" Jasmine asked. "Didn't we _just_ do the cliff-jumping challenge yesterday?"

"Yeah, but I threw that card in on the off chance that one of the Wolves who _didn't_ make the jump would get it." Chris cocked a thumb back at Chef, who had finished pushing the unconious Fuzzy back into his cage. "Shawn, go with Chef and he'll take you to the top of the cliff after he drops the bear off."

Chris pulled up a camera view of the thouand-foot-cliff on the podium's TV display while Shawn got into the truck with Chef and drove off. Several minutes later, Chef's truck - no loner hauling the cage - drove past the junk pile and up to the edge of the cliff, where Shawn stepped out, dressed in his swim trunks after a quick stop at the Wolves' cabin. He approached the edge, took one look at the water far below and quickly took a few steps back.

Chris pressed another button on his podium and spoke into it. "Shawn, can you hear me?"

Shawn jumped and looked around rapidly, until his eyes settled on the camera focused on him. "Oh, there you are," he said. "Yeah, I can hear you."

"Good." Chris pulled up the thirty second timer in the corner of the TV screen. "Thirty seconds to make the jump, starting... now!"

The countdown started to tick. Once more Shawn looked out over the cliff, clenched and uncenched his fists, then took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

"Just pretend you're running from zombies," Shawn told himself the same motivational line he had used on Sam earlier. With a wild cry he ran forward and dove from the cliff, screaming all the way down until he hit the water with a splash.

"And the Wild Wolves are back in the lead with nine!" Chris announced, the Wolves cheering as Shawn surfaced with a gasp.

"Woo-hoo! That was wicked!" the zombie-obssesed boy cheered as he swam to shore where Chef was waiting with the truck. Shawn marched up onto the beach, shaking the water from his hair and looking to the nearest camera with a big grin, missing the look of astonishment that came over Chef's face. "Did you guys get all of that? Man, I felt like I was flying! It was the most awesome and terrifying thing I've ever done in my _life_ and I... Hello?"

When no response came from the camera's speakers, Shawn frowned and tapped the side of the recording device. "Uh, hello? Anyone home?"

The speakers crackled to life, and Shawn heard the unmistakable sound of laughter.

"Um, Shawn?" Chris asked, stuggling not to laugh himself. "Do you feel a draft by any chance?"

"Well, now that you mention it, I do feel a little-"

Realization hit Shawn like a sledgehammer to the testicles. He whirled around and saw his dark brown swim trunks drifting along in the water.

"Yeah, that figures," Shawn deadpanned. He glanced back at the camera, the speaker relaying at least a dozen different cackling voices. "I'll be right back."

Back on the beach where the Truth or Dare chalenge was taking place, a number of campers continued to laugh as the naked Shawn quickly dove back into the water, frantically swiming for his shorts.

"Hahaha, I just _knew_ something like that would happen," Chris commented as his laughter petered out. "Now Chef owes me twenty bucks; he didn't think we'd have nudity until at least the third challenge." Chris hummed and rubbed his chin. "Now if only I can get someone to vomit..."

It was a few more minutes before Shawn was dropped off, having stopped to change back into his regular clothes. Still red in the face (and confused as to why Chef kept glaring at him and muttering something about twenty dollars) he went to sit back down with his teammates, a number of whom were still chortling and chuckling.

"I can't believe I was just naked in front of millions of people," Shawn grumbled as he took his seat beside the smirking Jasmine, not noticing her eyes travelling up and down his body.

"Well actually, Chris said these episodes won't actually start airing until around the middle of the season," Topher pointed out, "so you weren't naked in front of Total Drama's entire audience _just_ yet."

"Not helping, Topher."

"Ah, don't worry about it," Jasmine said, patting Shawn on the shoulder as Chris picked the next camper. "You were really brave up there and brought us back into the lead, and that's the important thing."

Shawn gave her a small smile. "Wow, hearing the girl who kicked a shark in the face call me brave is quite an honor. Thanks, Jasmine."

"No problem. Nice piece, by the way."

"Okay," Chris said loudly as Shawn blushed deeper and Jasmine giggled, "up next is Dakota telling a truth for the Eagles!"

The fame seeker frowned as she placed her wrist in the Truth Band and the cold metal clamped around her wrist. "This better not leave a mark on my perfect skin, McLean!"

Chris rolled his eyes and drew a white card and pulled up the countdown. "Dakota, besides winning a whole lot of money, what is your main reason for joining Total Drama Bonanza?"

"If you _must_ know," Dakota said with a smirk, "this show going to be the launch pad for my television career. I plan on sticking around long enough to show the world what I can do, and by the time I leave this island, I'll have network executives lining up around the block to sign me on for my own spin-off series!"

The truth bell dinged, and Dakota's hand was freed.

"Wow, those are quite some impressive goals," Chris remarked. "I'll bet a million would go a long way towards financing your own spin-off."

Dakota shrugged. "I guess. To be honest, I never really cared about the prize money."

Almost everyone on the Extreme Eagles (and the Wild Wolves for that matter) turned to stare at Dakota.

"You don't care about a _million_ dollars?" Jo asked, emphasizing the money that was at stake.

"Nope," Dakota said bluntly, pulling a file from her pocket and starting to work on her nails. "Sure it's a lot by itself, but it's small change compared to what my daddy rakes in from his hotels."

"Hotels? What are you..." Scarlett started to ask, then her jaw dropped as the puzzle pieces clicked into place. "Wait, Dakota _Milton?_ As in the biggest, classiest hotel chain in Canada? You're _that_ Dakota Milton?"

"The one and only," Dakota said, holding her nails up to admire them.

"We've got a freakin' hotel heiress on our team?!" Scott asked, eyes bugging out in shock.

Anne Maria smoothly slid up next to Dakota an threw her arm around her shouders.

"Say Dollface," Anne Maria said with a too-big smile to the confused heiress, "did I ever tell you that that shade of lipgloss looks _fantastic_ on you?"

* * *

 **Confessional Cam: Come stay at the Milton today! A deluxe two-bedroom suite with a hot tub for only $599!**

 **Anne Maria:** "I think I just found myself a new BFF."

 **Dakota:** "I guess it isn't too surprising that the others didn't realize they had a celebrity amongst them. I may just be the daughter of Harrison Milton right now, but once my career kicks off, everyone in the world is going to know my name."

 **Jo:** "Seriously? A spoiled brat who probably got more money for her last birthday than most of us will see in our whole lives is competing on a show like this? And she claims she doesn't even _want_ the prize money?! Yeah, I know who _I'm_ voting for the next time we lose!"

 **Dave:** "Okay, maybe I'm just cynical, but what kind of television career can you expect if you get your start doing ridiculous challenges on some reality show?"

 **Scott:** (holding his sides and cackling) "Oh, I feel like the only hunter in the woods, and all the deer just keep painting themselves with targets!"

* * *

"Alright," Chris said as he pressed the selection button again, "We're at a nine-nine tie, but the Wolves still control the game. Let's see if... Zoey can maintain it by telling us a truth!"

The indie chick sighed and placed her hand in the Truth Band as Chris drew another white card.

"Okay Zoey, what song do you want playing when you lose your viriginty, _or_ if you already have lost it, what music ws playing at the time?"

Zoey's cheeks turned as red as her hair as the timer started to tick down. "Well, I still haven't... done _that_ yet. But when it does happen, the song I'd like playing is... _Inna-Gadda-Da-Vida_ by Iron Butterfly."

The truth bell dinged, and Chris chuckled as Zoey pulled her freed hand protectively close to her chest.

"Well, someone's got high hopes for their first time," the host commented. "That's a seventeen minute song, dudette."

"Just what the hell is an Iron Butterfly?" Amy asked, confused.

"Oh, it's a progressive rock band," Dawn said, momentarily breaking her conversation with Ella. "One of the godfathers of the genre at that, and that impressive peice is their magnum opus."

"Better make sure you find a guy who knows what he's doing," Sam commented, chuckling, "or you'll lose your virginity to the first minute and spend the next sixteen being apologized to."

Zoey's blush deepened as Chris picked the next contestant to go. The computer selected Anne Maria to do a dare.

"Anne Maria," Chris said to the Jersey girl standing before him with her hands on her hips, "your dare is to break this board with no tools or help from other people."

Anne Maria frowned as Chef approached, holding out a foot-long piece of timber. "Seriously, Chris?" She asked. "Do I _look_ like one of them old kung-fu guys? How am I supposed to break this thing myself?"

"Don't know, don't care." He pulled up the timer. "You got thirty seconds to figure it out though. Go!"

The countdown began, and Anne Maria narrowed her eyes, cocked her fist back, and punched the board as hard as she could. Chef Hatchet didn't budge an inch, the wood didn't even crack, and he laughed as Anne Maria's face contorted in pain.

"Ow ow ow ow ow ow!" She howled, shaking her already-swelling knuckles. "Damn it, that _hurts!_ "

"You can do it, my love!" Rodney called out from the stands.

Anne Maria glowered at the lumber in Chef's hands. "Oh, you're gonna get it now!"

She pulled her foot up an struck the board with her heel. Again Chef didn't move, again the lumber didn't break, and again the cook laughed as Anne Maria lost her balance and fell back in the sand.

"Just pretend it's Jo's face," Dakota offered, earning a glare from the jock-ette.

Anna Maria picked herself up and threw her elbow into the board, putting all of her weight behind the blow. When it still didn't break, she did it again, and again, and then jumped back with a yelp. "Gah! Splinter!"

"Use your head!" Cameron shouted.

Anne Maria gingerly plucked the splinter from her elbow, and her eyes lit up. "Oh!"

She grinned, cocked her head back, and slammed it forward as hard as she could. A loud _crack_ echoe across the beach and Chef stumbled back, staring in shock at the broken pieces of wood in his hands.

"... Not quite what I meant, but that works too," Cameron said as Anne Maria reached up to steady her shaking hair with a triumphant smirk.

"And the Eagles are up to ten," a flabbergasted Chris said. "Okay, I've got to know: howdid you _do_ that?"

The Jersey girl chuckled and pulled a can of hair spray from her pocket. "Gaurenteed all-day hold, and completely waterproof."

Anne Maria applied more of the spray to her pouffe as she wlked back to her seat, either not hearing the coughing of the teammates she passed or not caring.

"We're on the home stretch, people," Chris said, slamming his fist down on the selection button. "Time to wrap things up!"

This time Leonard was chosen to perform a dare.

"Run across these hot coals in your bare feet!"

Leonard rubbed his chin as Chef poured glowing coals from a large pot onto the beach. Then he grinned and snapped his fingers. "A 'resist fire' spell will make this quest effortless! Infernus Negatus!"

Then he took off at a sprint across the bed of coals, and his look of confidence was instantly replaced by agony. "Ow ow ouch ouch! Oh God, I was wrong! I was horribly, horribly wrong! Ouch, ah, ahhh!"

Chris pressed the selection button again.

"Scarlett, your dare is to jump from this trampoline through a flaming hoop!"

Scarlett watched as Chef set up a trampoline several feet away from a steel hoop welded to a metal stand, then grimaced as he doused the hoop with gasoline and took a lit match to it. As the timer appeared and began to count down, Scarlett pulled a small notebook and pen from her pocket and started to scribble on it.

"If I hit the trampoline at a speed of aproximately four-point-five-eight miles per hour..." she mumbled, "... jump at an angle of thirty-nine-point-seven degrees... distance is roughly twelve feet and three inches..." She made a few more calculations, then put the pen and paper away and took a deep breath. "Okay, here I go."

Scarlett ran across the sand, jumped onto the trampoline and sailed graefully through the hoop, feeling the intense heat washing over her as she passed through, the flames just barely licking her skin and clothes.

The Extreme Eagles cheered as Scarlett picked herself up and dusted the sand away, inspecting herself for scorch marks. When she found none, she smirked. "Flawless calculations as always."

Chris hit the selection button once more.

"Ella, if you were trapped on a deserted island for a year with only one of your fellow contestants for company, who would you pick?"

The princess drummed her fingers against the table, a Truth Band shackled around her other wrist. "Everyone here is _so_ nice," she said, "I'd take all of them if I could. But if I had to pick just one, Dawn and I seem to be getting along really well."

The conformation ball rang, and Dawn gave Ella a warm smile. "Aw, thank you."

The selection button was again pressed by Chris.

"Scott, what is your biggest sexual fantasy?"

Scott blanched and was silent for a few seconds, but quickly realized there was no way out of it without losing the point and getting his team even _more_ mad as him.

"That would be a threesome," he finally admitted. "A threesome with... twins."

The bell rang, and everybody turned to stare at Amy and Samey, both of whom turned bright red; the latter in embarassment, the former in rage.

"Not. Even. In. Your. _Dreams,_ " Amy snarled at him, making the scheming boy flinch and scoot back in his seat.

Chris's fist smacked the selection button.

"Brick, you must spend thirty seconds wearing a beard of bees!"

The cadet stood still as a statue, his pulse pouding as dozens of honeybees crawled along his honey-coated cheeks and chin. He kept his eyes trained on the timer for the entire length of the dare, amd sighed in relief when the clock hit zero.

"Oh thank God," he said, talking loud enough to be heard over the buzz of the bees, but not so loud as to startle them. "Now, uh, how do we get these guys off?"

In reponse Chef chuckled and lobbed a smoke grenade at Brick's feet, which released a thick cloud of dark purple smoke. The bees tumbled from his face almost instantly, lulled to sleep by the chemical mist. A few seconds later, Brick joined them.

"Nighty night..." he manged to say with a dopey smile as his eyes rolled back and he pitched face-first into the sand.

Chris pressed the oh, who am I kidding? You should know how this goes by now!

"Sky, your dare is to eat this mixture of mustard, vinegar and horseradish without puking!"

"Oh, seriously?" Sky asked, frowning as Chef handed her a jar of pale-yellow paste and a spoon. "My naseua _just_ went away."

Chris started the countdown, and Sky groaned and started shovelling the unholy mixture into her mouth in big, heaping spoonfuls. Her eyes welled with tears, and her face contorted with each bite, but she nonetheless managed to get most of the jar down.

"Okay, just one more bite," Sky told herself, looking pale as she held up the last spoonful. She opened her mouth wide, then froze as her stomach lurched. "Uh-oh."

The jar and spoon fell to the sand, followed swiftly by Sky dropping to her knees and vomiting up the contents of her stomach. "Oh God, it tastes worse coming back up," she cried between heaves, vauguely aware of the screams of her team being electrocuted in the background.

"We're gonna need a bigger boat!" Beardo screamed, startled back to conciousness by the shock. He groaned and shook his head, smoke wafting from the tips of his singed dreadlocks as they bounced. "Ugh, what happened?"

Wanna guess what Chris did after he collected another twenty dollars from Chef? Here's a hint: it involves the selection button.

"Lightning, what is your ultamite goal in life?"

The athete gave him a cocky smile. "Be the first man to win the Super Bowl and the World Series and the Stanely Cup _and_ the NBA championship!"

The truth bell gave a ding, and Chris whistled. "Lofty dreams you've got there," he said. "You sure you don't wanna throw in the World Cup for good measure?"

"You know, now that I hear them all out loud," Topher remarked to no one in particular, "I noticed something: how come all of the championship games for the major sports leagues have fancy names except basketball?"

Lightning frowned and rubbed his chin. "I'm not really sure." His eyes lit up and his lips curled into a big smile. "Ooh, maybe after I win a couple and get put in the Basketball Hall of Fame, they'll name the championship after me! The Lightning Cup! Oh yeah, I _like_ the sound of that!"

Blah blah blah Chris blah blah blah button.

"Dave, what's your favorite type of porn?"

Dave grimaced. "Seriously? Chris, my _parents_ are going to watching this!"

"So are all of ours, but you didn't hear _us_ complaining," Cameron said, who had gone back to rubbing the woozy Sky's back.

"Yeah, we all took our lumps," Mike added, crosing his arms.

Scott glanced over at the stammering Dave and grinned as he finally saw his opening.

"Ah, he shouldn't have to say it if he doesn't want to," Scott said, plastering a dissapointed frown on his face as he motioned to the other team. "I mean, the Wolves have fourteen points and it's their turn next, so we've already lost. No sense in Dave humiliating himself for no reason."

"Hey, we could still get one of those verses cards," Jo pointed out to Scott before before turning her attention to Dave. "The game's not over yet, String Bean. Time to man up."

"But I..." Dave started to say, but a fierce glare from Jo made him bite back the protest. He sighed. "Oh, fine. I like... Japenese girls in schoolgirl outfits."

The truth bell rang once more, and Chris nodded. "Nothing wrong with enjoying the classics," he noted as he pushed the selection button for what was potentially the final time. "But admitting that be worth it? The Wolves need just one more point to win it all... and it all falls on Topher performing a dare."

The fanboy smiled as he strode down to the sand. "Ready, willing and able," he said. "And might I just say that these are some _brilliant_ questions and challenges you've come up with today, Chris. I'm almost sorry it has to end."

"As am I," Chris said as he drew a black card, "but all good things must sooner or later." He read the card's text and looked up at Dave. "Hey Dave, we've got another wild card in the house. You get to choose Topher's dare."

Dave's eyes widened in surprise, but before he could say anything he was bombarded by suggestions for impossible dares from his teammates.

"Uh-uh-uh!" Chris said loudly, waving a finger. "The dare must come from Dave and no one else."

"Just remember what I said," Jo whispered to the germaphobe. "Play to your opponent's weaknesses!"

Dave rubbed his chin as he pondered this. He looked between Chris and Topher, the former looking his way and waiting for a dare, the latter still staring at the show's host with undisguised admiration.

Dave smirked. "How about this? I dare Topher to insult you!"

Topher's smile was gone in a heartbeat. "What?!"

Chris glanced between the shocked Topher and the confident Dave, and shrugged. "Okay, not crazy on _who_ you're asking Topher to insult, but given his personality, I guess I'll allow it."

"Aw yeah!" Lightning said with a fist bump, the other Wolves cheering along with him as Chris brough up the thirty-second timer. "We've got this challenge in the sha-bag!"

"Hey, wait just a second," Topher said to them, crossing his arms with a frown. "I'm not gonna insult Chris!"

The Wolves' collective good mood quickly went south.

"Um, _excuse_ me?" Amy snapped, slamming a fist on the counter in front of her.

"Dude, we're _one point_ away from a win!" Shawn said.

"Yeah, but Chris McLean is my idol!" Topher replied, which made the host in quetion beam. "Dave might as well have dared the Pope to spraypaint a dick on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel! I can't do it. I _won't_ do it!"

"It's just one insult," Jasmine said, her eyes glued to the screen as the seconds ticked by. "Call him a sociopath who gets off on our misery and suffering!"

"Or say he's so narcisistic that he'd probably marry a mirror," Sam offered.

Chris's smile droped. "Um, guys-"

"Tell him that he spends enough money on hair gel to feed a family of four for a year," Dawn added.

"Or remind him that he was in that one-hit-wonder boy band from the mid-nineties," Zoey threw out. "What were they called again?"

"Fame Town, I think," Ella said.

"Yeah, those guys!"

Chris's frown deepened. "Guys-"

"No, talk about how badly it went when Chris tried to go solo _after_ Fame Town," Samey countered.

"Tell him that his heart is as cold as the Scanadavia, the frigid land of the Frost Giants," Leonard interrupted.

"Point out his crow's feet and age lines," Amy ordered.

"Or how his personality is as vile as Chef's cooking," Brick proposed.

"Wait, I've got it!" Shawn shouted. "Remind him that he was born in nineteen-seventy-"

"ENOUGH!" Chris screamed and slammed his fist down on the yellow button, making the Wolves scream as the electricity shot through thier bodies. He let the power flow for a few seconds longer than usual before turning it off, glaring at teens the whole time. "The dare was for _Topher_ to insult me. Since the thirty seconds have gone by and he's the only one that _didn't_ , you do not get a point!"

His temmates glared at him as Topher sat back down, which he returned. "Hey, don't look at me like that," he said. "The Eagles only have thirteen points, so we'll still win during our next turn."

"Yeah, but we _could_ have won just now," Jasmine snapped.

"If we lose this 'cause of you, Lightning will break every part of your face," the jock said with a snarl, punching his palm with his fist.

"And up next for the Extreme Eagles," Chris said loudly, looking at the random selection on the screen, "it will be Dave telling us a truth!"

"Again?" Dave asked, binking. The Truth Band rising up before him was the answer, and he winced and placed his wrist into it. _Please don't let this one be as embarassing as the last..._

Chris drew a white card. "Okay Dave, what is the most embarassing thing your parents have walked in on you doing?"

 _Of course._ Dave gave a heavy sigh. "Well, this one time in the bathroom..."

* * *

 **Sexy Flashback Time**

 _"David?" Dave's mother asked, opening the door to their bathroom without knocking. "Have you seen my-"_

 _Her words died on her tongue and her eyes widened at the sight before her._

 _Dave stood in front of the sink, a towel wrapped around his waist and a hairbrush in hand. His smartphone sat on the counter, synthesized pop music blaring from the speakers, and Dave held the hairbrush up to his lips like a microphone as he sang along._

"Because they built Gwen's face," _he belted, eyes closed tight in concentration,_ "We built Gwen's face! / We're gonna take first place! / Because we built Gwen's face!"

 _Dave opened his eyes slightly, and they widened at the sight reflected in the mirror: his mom standing in the open doorway, confused and disturbed. Confusturbed, if you will. Dave dropped the hairbrush and whirled around, screaming; "Don't come in, don't come in!"_

* * *

 **Sexy Back-to-the-Present Time**

Everyone stared at the blushing Dave like he had just grown fur and a tail and started howling at the full moon. The ring of the truth bell shattered the silence.

"He's... telling the truth," Chris said hesitantly. "Funny, I thought you were going to go a _whole_ other direction with that story."

" _We Built Gwen's Face?_ " Jo asked with an amused smirk. "Seriously?"

"What?" Dave asked defensively. "It was catchy, dang it! A lot of the Total Drama World Tour songs were!"

"I know, right?" Ella called from the opposite bleachers. " _This is How We Will End It_ was amazing, and _Oh My Izzy_ made me cry so much. Oh, how I wish I could have been a part of the last season!"

"So do I," Amy said dryly, "then you could have annoyed the original cast with your nonstop singing instead of us!"

Chris whistled sharply, getting everyone's attention as he selected the next camper. "This is it, kiddies," he said, "the game is tied at fourteen, and the Eagles better hope for a failure from the Wolves or a verses card if they still wanna win this."

The screens stopped moving, and Chris grinned. "And they might still have a chance, 'cause Sam has been chosen for a dare!"

The Wild Wolves groaned, and Sam gulped. "Oh boy..."

Chris drew a black card, and his grin grew even bigger. "Oh, yes! It's a verses card, everybody! Dave and Sam, front and center! One way or another, this will be the final dare!"

* * *

 **Confessional Cam:** _ **It's the Final Countdown! Do-do-do-doo, do-do-do-da-doo!**_

 **Sam:** "Okay, I've already lost two dares, so I can _not_ screw this up! I'm down to my last life, and something tells me that if I lose now, I won't get to reload my save."

 **Dave:** "Great, now our victory is resting on _my_ shoulders! Have I mentioned that I don't do well under pressure? Because I _really_ don't..."

* * *

Dave and Sam faced one another on two narrow balance beams a few feet apart, watching as Chef sprayed the ground beneath them with a garden hose. He kept going until the sand was nice and soupy, a sight that made both boys cringe, one more than the other.

"Okay guys, this challenge is simple," Chris said as Chef handed Dave and Sam two dueling sticks, each one as tall as them, the ends topped with heavy foam cylinders. "When I give the word, you start wailing on each other. Last man standing wins the challenge for their team."

"You'd better not screw this up again, Gamer Boy!" Lightning jeered, the rest of the Wild Wolves looking at Sam with uncertainty.

"Don't worry guys," he assured them. "The last two dares weren't my thing, but this time my size is gonna work for me instead of against me."

"I hate to say it," Scarlett said as the trembling Dave stared at the mud below him as though it were a pit of needles, "but he's got a point. Sam has to be double Dave's weight, if not more."

"It'll take more than physical size to win this, Scarlett," Cameron countered. "There's also reflexes and strategy to consider."

"Just remember what I taught you, String Bean," Jo yelled. "Exploit your opponents weakness!"

"W-w-weakness, right," Dave stammered, not taking his eyes off of the mud waiting below. "Oh, I _really_ don't wanna fall..."

"Okay, I want a good fight," Chris continued, "so if you're thinking of using cheap shots and dirty tricks..." He smiled widely. "That'd be _great!_ Ready... set... go!"

Sam reacted instantly, lashing out with a straight jab from his dueling stick. Dave looked up just in time to sidestep the attack with a high-pitched yelp. Sam followed it up with a diagonal swipe, forcing Dave to step further down the beam to dodge.

"Don't let him back you into a corner!" Max shouted, noticing how close Dave was getting to the end of his beam.

Stepping carefully to follow his opponent, Sam threw another swipe at Dave, this one a horizantal attack. Dave raised his own dueling stick in an attempt to parry the blow, but the sheer force behind Sam's strike forced him a few more inches down his beam.

Both teams cheering loudly for their respective players, Dave grit his teeth and went on the offensive, throwing a clumsy diagonal slash Sam's way. The gamer caught the strike with his dueling stick and pushed back, forcing Dave to quickly pull back or risk being shoved into the mud.

Sam's gaming reflexes kicked in and he quickly made another horizantal swipe, grunting as he threw his weight behind the attack. Again Dave tried to block, and again the power of the blow was too much. Dave was forced back again, and now only a few inches stood between him and a short drop to a very sudden and dirty stop.

"You've got him on the ropes now, Sam!" Jasmine cheered, the rest of her team whooping and hollering.

"Don't give up, Dave!" Mike called out, the rest of the Eagles sitting in nervous silence, gripping their seats or biting their bottom lips or furiously filing their nails (in Dakota's case).

 _Oh, this is really bad,_ Dave thought as he and Sam squared off, each waiting for the other to move. _If I don't think of something soon, our team's going to lose. And even worse: I'll be_ filthy! _I need to exploit his weakness, exploit-_

Another horizantal swipe came Dave's way, this time at head height. Dave yelped and ducked, the foam cylinder sailing over his head. As the dueling stick finished its arc, Dave looked to Sam and saw his opponent stumble ever so slightly, then quickly balance himself again.

 _... Or maybe I should use his_ strength _against him!_

"Take this!" Dave shouted and threw a feeble straight jab Sam's way. The gamer smirked and dodged it effortlessly, and Dave made a show of leaning too far forward and flailing his arms wildly. "Whoa-oa-oa!"

The Eagles gasped.

The Wolves cheered.

Sam narrowed his eyes and gripped his dueling stick with both hands, bringing it up over his shoulder like a baseball bat.

"Super grand slam attack!" He shouted as he swung, putting every last ounce of strength he had into the blow.

Upon hearing this, Dave stopped flailing and went still as a statue. He planted the end of his dueling stick on the beam and, with all the strength his skinny legs and narrow back could muster, hauled himself back into a standing position with a grunt of effort. His opponent's dueling stick whizzed through the air in front of him, and Sam cried out as he stumbed again, struggling to stay balanced and regain his footing.

But Dave never gave him the chance. With a warrior's cry of bloodlust (or as close as a teenage noodle like Dave could manage) he threw another jab, a _real_ jab, striking Sam in that sweet spot between the stomach and the ribs. The gamer's cry became a wheezing gasp as the air was forced from his lungs, and he unceramoniously tumbled forward, landing face-first in the mud with a _splat_.

The beach went so quiet you could have heard a gnat clear its throat.

"It's over!" Chris announced to the stunned silence. "Dave wins it all for the Extreme Eagles!"

The team in question burst into wild cheers and applause. Dave stood with his dueling stick extended for a few more seconds, then blinked and lowered it.

"I... I won?" He asked. He looked down at Sam's twitching form in the mud, and Dave grinned and raised his weapon in triumph. "I did it! I actually did it!"

"Indeed you did, Dave," Chris said with a nod. "In addition to winning food, you and your team are also getting brand new beds and accessories! No more lumpy pillows, itchy blankets and bed bug-infested mattresses for you guys!"

Turning to the stunned Wild Wolves (and ignoring several cries of "Wait, we have _bed bugs?!_ "), Chris said to them. "As for you all, go cast your votes and meet me at the bonfire tonight, 'cause one of you is out of here! Oh, and once more for good measure..."

Sam raised his face from the goop just in time to hear his teammates being shocked. He winced at their screams and sighed, spitting some mud from his mouth in the process.

* * *

 **Confessional Cam - Game Over. Continue? Y/N**

 **Sam:** "Well... I think I'm screwed."

 **Lightning:** "I can't believe we lost! Teams don't lose when Lightning's there to lead them to victory! It just doesn't happen!"

 **Topher:** (arms crossed and frowning)"Nice going, _Sam._ The whole team was counting on you today, and you blew it!"

 **Amy:** "Well, I think it's obvious who's going home tonight."

 **Ella:** "I hate having to do this... but after what happened today, I feel I have no choice."

 **Samey:** "Well, guess Amy's not leaving yet. (sigh) Only one person to vote for now."

 **Shawn:** "I can't believe I got naked on national TV for nothing! I know who I'm voting for, that's for sure!"

 **B:** (shakes his head in dissapointment.)

 **Jasmine:** "Well crap, I really thought we could pull off two wins a row there. Oh well, at least this gives us a chance to cut some of the dead weight from our team so we can perform better in the future. The Wild Wolves aren't going down without a fight."

* * *

The bonfire crackled, casting its warm light over the Wild Wolves' first elimination ceremony. The thirteen teenagers sat in silence, some content and at ease, others fidgeting nervously as they awaited judgement.

"Campers," Chris said, standing at his podium with a tray of marshmallows in hand. "I hold here twelve fluffy marshmallows. At a normal camp, they represent fun; here, they represent survival. If I call your name, it means you're going to compete on Total Drama Bonanza for another day. The person whose name I _don't_ call will walk the Dock of Shame and take a one-way ride of the Boat of Losers. Let's start things off with... Jasmine."

The Aussie smiled and went up to collect her marshmallow.

"Shawn."

The zombie-survival took his treat with a grin and plopped it in his mouth, chewing loudly.

"Dawn."

The moonchild offered Ella a supportive smile before going up to accept her marshmallow.

"Lightning."

"Sha-yeah!" He cheered, running up and taking his marshmallow, holding it in the air for all to see. "Lightning scores again, baby!"

"Amy and Samey."

Both twins went up and claimed a marshmallow, the former walking quickly to make sure that she got hers first.

"Zoey."

The hipster chick let out the breath she'd been holding and joined her team.

"Leonard."

"Huzzah!" The LARP-er exclaimed. He tried to levitate one of the marshmallows off the plate, until Chris got annoyed and just handed him one.

"B."

The silent genius silently took a single marshmallow. Silently.

"Brick."

The cadet nodded, giving Chris a salute before plucking a marshmallow.

"And the there's the three of you," the host said to Ella, Sam and Topher. Ella drummed her fingers against the stump she sat on, Sam was sweating bullets as he stared at the remaining two marshmallows, and Topher just crossed his arms with a confident smile. "Ella and Topher failed some the day's easiest dares, and Sam dropped the ball not once, not twice, but three times!

"Your team has decided that one of you must pay for your failure with elimination. Who's it gonna be? I'll tell you who it's _not..._ "

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

"Ella!"

The princess gasped, then smiled and stood up.

"Oh, thank you thank you thank you!" She said as she went up and took a marshmallow. She glanced back at the remaining boys, both looking distraught, and her smile fell. "Oh. Um, sorry..."

Chris smiled as he held up the last marshmallow. Sam bit his bottom lip and dug his nails into his stump, and the cocky smirk had vanished from Topher's face. "And the final marshmallow of the evening goes to..."

...

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...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

"... Sam."

Both boys gasped in perfect unison.

"I'm still in?" Sam asked, jumping to his feet. Chris nodded, and the gamer laughed and ran up to grab the marshmallow. "All right! Looks like I had an extra life after all!"

"Wh-what?!" The stunned Topher cried, mouth agape. "You guy voted for _me_ over Sam?! You heard Chris: he lost three dares today! Including the one that could have won us the game!"

"Yeah, but at least he tried," Jasmine said, glaring at the fanboy. "And he wouldn't have lost the last dare if it weren't for you!"

"Yeah, man," Shawn said, crossing his arms, "I can't believe you picked not badmouthing Chris over your own team!"

"No. No no no no no this can't be happening!" Topher said, shaking his head with his hands clenched in his hair. "This wasn't how it was supposed to go! This isn't part of the plan!"

Topher ran up to his idol, desperation written in his features. "Chris, you're not gonna let them do this, right? Y-you can just ignore the votes like you did last season, right?!"

Chris sucked in a breath through his teeth, looking away as he rubbed the back of his head. "Yeah, about that..." he began. "Uh, due to the uniformly negative fan reaction to me excersizing my hosting veto powers, particullarly after the London and Greece episodes, the producers have ordered me to accept all the votes as they are. And I'm sorry to say it, Topher, but your team has voted you out of the game."

"Please Chris, there's gotta be _something_ you can do!" Topher dropped to his knees. "I've been your loyal fan my whole life, sticking by you even at the lowest points of your career. Your Sci-Fi Channel original movies! Your non-stick cooking spray addiction! Your country album! You can't let them kick me off now, you just can't!"

"Whoa, settle down there, kid," Chris said, grabbing Topher's shoulders and hauling him back to his feet. "I said you were out of the game, but I didn't say you were leaving!"

The rest of the present teenagers exchanged confused glances.

"Um, beg pardon?" Zoey asked.

"You see," Chris continued, turning to them, "I was watching some entertainment news the other day, and I realized something. What do all of the great celebrities of Hollywood have that I don't?"

The Wolves blinked.

"Um, greatness?" Shawn guessed. Chris scowled at him.

" _No_. They have people! A whole team of yes-men and stylists and managers and bodygaurds following their every move. Every celebrity worth his fame has people, and all I've got is Chef. Well, that changes today! I'm going to start building my entourage, starting with my biggest fan over here."

With that Chris back to the biggest fan in question and held out a hand. "Congradulations, Topher! You're my new personal assisstant. Can you start immediately?"

"F-for real?" Topher asked in a quiet voice.

The host nodded, and Topher gave a joyful squeal and took Chris's hand, shaking it rapidly. "Thank you! Thank you so much for this honor, Mr. McLean!"

Everyone else stared, dumbfounded at the sudden turn of events.

"Wait, you're really gonna _hire_ Topher as a part of the crew," Brick said slowly, raising part of his unibrow, " _just_ so he can stick around and constantly praise you?"

"Yes," Chris answered bluntly.

Brick blinked, then shrugged. "Well, at least he's being honest for once."

Chris grinned and looked directly into the camera. "Well, that wraps up another day here at Camp Wawanakwa. The Wolves have lost a player, and I've gained an assistant. What perils and dangers will tomorrow hold for our remaining twenty-four campers?

"Find out next time on Total! Drama! Bonanza!"

 **End of Day Two, Part Three**

* * *

 **Bonus Voting Confessionals**

 **Sam:** "Oh, I've got a bad feeling about tonight... I'm gonna cast a vote for Topher and hope I still have an extra life to spare."

 **Topher:** "Of course I'm voting for Sam! It's all his fault that we lost today!"

 **Lightning:** "Lightning doesn't like losing! And after Gamer Boy screwed up today, Lightning wants him outta here before he drags the whole team down even more!"

 **Amy:** "Sam, duh. Even _Samey_ managed to score more points today than that loser!"

 **Ella:** "I'm sorry about this Topher, but even if Dave's dare was mean, your reluctance cost us the win today. Oh, I just hope you won't be mad at me."

 **Dawn:** "Sam's sincerity in his attempts trumps Topher's adamant refusal, so I'm voting for Topher.

 **Samey:** "He may be cute, but I'm gonna have to vote for Topher after what he pulled today."

 **Leonard:** "I have a single banishment spell at my disposal tonight, and I cast it on Lord Topher!"

 **B:** (frowns and holds up a picture of Topher)

 **Brick:** "If I've learned one thing in my training, it's that a unit cannot function unless everyone is committed to the goal. So I'm voting for Topher."

 **Zoey:** "Topher lost a _really_ easy dare, but Sam lost three times... Um... I guess I'll vote for Sam."

 **Shawn:** "There may be safety in numbers during the zombie apolcalypse, but all it takes is one moron getting careless to get the whole group killed! If we wanna have any hope of surviving, Topher has got to go."

 **Jasmine:** "Sam tried his best, which is more than I can say for that whacker Topher. He gets my vote tonight."

 **Votes**  
 **Topher: 9**  
 **Sam: 4**

 **Voted-Off List: Sugar, Topher (made Chris's assistant)**

And there you have it! Day two has come to a close, and Topher got the boot!

As to why I chose him to go second, it's because I had mixed feelings about his subplot in Pahkitew Island. Sure, it was funny to see him messing with Chris, but he hardly interacted with anyone else and didn't really contribute to anyone else's plotline. I was struggling to figure out what to do with him, and it just hit me to have Topher voted off Chris bring him on as part of the Total Drama staff just so he doesn't lose his favorite butt-kisser. This way, Topher can continue with his personal subplot and still have a significant impact on the story! What will that be? Well, you'll just have to wait and find out.

Next time on Total Drama Bonanza: _We pillage, we plunder, we rifle and loot! / Drink up me 'earties, yo ho! / We kidnap and ravage and don't give a hoot! / Drink up me 'earties, yo ho! / Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me!_

\- StoryCrafter12


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